(Closed) Rude or not?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Totally get why you are annoyed.  I know that people are allowed to invite or not invite anyone they want to their wedding, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not rude.  You live together and have been together years, that makes you a social unit.  Just like a married, engaged, or common law couple that never plan to legally wed is a unit. 

Long story short, they have a right to do what they did, but they also shouldn’t be suprised that you’re pissed.

Post # 18
Member
2948 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

I’d be pissed too and would not invite them both to my wedding.

It is awful to be the one who is excluded. I can understand that your feelings are hurt and especially as your SO is going without you. I’m sure he wouldn’t like to be in your shoes. Would he like you to go without him???

Post # 20
Member
3860 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think that it is extremely rude and if I were in your situation I would hope my Fiance would not go. It would be one thing if you had just started dating… But since you obviously have history together I think you should be invited together!

Post # 21
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I completely agree with you and have versy strong opinions that no matter who you invie they get a +1 single friends and coupled friends.  If you can’t afford their +1 then don’t invite them.

I’d be livid and they’d be on my shit list.  I’d be seriously pissed at SO if he went.

Post # 22
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Lillianna:  yes rude and I would be disappointed with SO too. He should put you first and standup for your relationship, by letting them know that you guys are a couple. He shouldn’t let that separate you guys as a unit. 

I thought about this very thing for my wedding. I was going to invite my friend and not her Girlfriend. I met the Girlfriend once and it was just a hi. But they now live together and on IG and FB I can see how close my friend and her Girlfriend are. So because I care for my friend, I’m including her Girlfriend as well out of respect of their relationship. 

Post # 23
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m going to go against the grain here and say that it is rude and I would be really upset too if this happened to me. I also feel qualified to comment since I was a bride and had to deal with guest list issues.

I think that while the general rule is that it’s engaged or married couples, a lot of couples now are choosing to cohabit for an extended period of time rather than rushing to the altar. Darling Husband and I were together for six years before he proposed AND we had lived together for five of those years. Considering that is longer than some people’s marriages and relationships (combined), I would’ve felt slighted if only I or he was invited. FWIW, every wedding we attended pre-engagement invited us as pair. We have never been invited solo.

If this happened to us, I personally would decline and I’m pretty sure Darling Husband would say the same thing. In addition, like you, I probably would consider not inviting them to my wedding. I think the key here is that other couples in your circle were also invited. It’s not like they said it’s a small wedding – family and BFFs only. Certainly if that were the case, I would be more understanding, although I still don’t believe in inviting 1/2 of a cohabitating couple. Like you, I would just not invite the pair.

Post # 24
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh honey, I agree that their neglecting to include you on their invitation was a faux pas…but let’s not exaggerate the situation with some drawn out revenge scheme where your big pay off comes in the mail and ONE OF THEM ISN’T INVITED!!!  

Muhahahahahahaaaa!

Because honestly, that’s just silly and they’re likely to miss the point anyway because not being invited to someone’s wedding is not the end of the world, and it makes you look petty and small…which I’m sure you aren’t.

If they’re budget doesn’t allow it, it doesn’t allow it, and until you’ve had to crunch the numbers and make those hard decisions, it’s best to leave your opinion on the matter out of the equation.

Send your SO in his best with a nice gift and a card signed by BOTH of you…the gesture won’t be lost on the couple and while they may feel embarassed that they didn’t include you, you made sure to do the gracious thing anyway, and that my dear, is how it’s done.

 

Post # 25
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If OP doesnt want them at their wedding, then that is fine. She is footing the bill and if they couldnt find room for her in the budget why should she find room for them? 

Post # 26
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with how you feel. I definitely think it’s rude, especially given the fact that you have been a couple for several years. Couples should DEFINITELY be considered a package deal and like you said, invite all or none. I think it’s sad that your SO would go without you, but you can’t really be mad at him and make him choose between you and his friends. You just have to be the bigger person and be happy for everyone. Afterall, you don’t really talk to them anyway, so you’re not really missing out on going to (practically) a stranger’s wedding. 🙂

Post # 27
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Lillianna:  Do you have a personal history with them?

And hell no they wouldn’t be going to my wedding if I were in your shoes.

Post # 28
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with PPs, that you should have been invited, but also agree that many brides only invite couples that are engaged or married, and use that as a cut-off point when restricting the guest list. 

If you thought that their decision was rude, and are so upset about it, why would you want to reciprocate? I’m sorry, but it seems kind of immature to “ban” someone from your wedding, especially when the guest list is something that you, you Fiance and both of your parents are supposed to decide on together. 

You can’t control what other people say or do. All you have control over is your reaction to things. If you want to completely cut these people out of your lives for not inviting you to their wedding, then why would you want to go to their wedding in the first place?!

Post # 29
Member
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@hotpinkbride:  +1

OP, obviously it’s fine if you don’t want to invite them to your wedding, but unless you think they’ve excluded you personally while inviting the unmarried cohabitants of other friends, don’t take it to heart. Everyone has to draw the line somewhere; as long as they haven’t singled you out, it’s not personal.

Post # 30
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s actually polite that you aren’t invited to the pre-wedding dinner – you shouldn’t be invited to any wedding-related activities if you aren’t invited to the wedding itself.

Don’t just invite one of them, that’s just plain vindictive.  I get that  you’re upset, and I would be too.  I made CERTAIN that every single SO of all of my guests were invited, and had a few ask “Is it ok if I bring my gf/bf?” to which of course i said YES!  To me, if these people consider themselves in a relationship, who am I to judge the seriousness?  If I limited my guest list to people who are only engaged or married, by that logic I wouldn’t invite the sweet old man who has been dating my great aunt for as long as I can remember, but neither of them wanted to get married.  And my friends would not have gotten to experience the hilarity of “Old Uncle Grant”

Post # 31
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I’m inclined to invite only one of them to my wedding, and see how they like it.



Well, that’s childish. If your SO wants to go, let him. I mean, sure, it sucks but I don’t see how it’s the end of the world. As a PP said, if he wants to go then let him and have a night out with friends who aren’t attending the wedding. And “banning” them from your wedding or playing some petty revenge game by purposefully inviting only one of them? Yeah…

 

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