(Closed) Rude or not?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 107
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Lillianna:  annoyed? yes can them from your wedding? no

Post # 108
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Lillianna:  You are right, most people would not do that to a friend’s wife. But you aren’t married to him or engaged to him. As much as it stinks, there are a lot of people who still perceive a difference in the social status of someone who is married/engaged vs. dating or living together.

I don’t think they are disrespecting you by saying you are not their friend. Not everyone is always going to click or be friends. It doesn’t mean someone doesn’t repsect you, it just means that for whatever reason, you haven’t developed the relationship to become friends.

I hope you find some peace with this situation.

Post # 111
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Being that you have been together for years, are living together and engaged, it’is rude.  You should have been invited.  I wouldn’t necessarily ban them from your wedding or cut them off as friends per se, but you do have every right to be upset.

Post # 112
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I don’t think it’s right to exclude you at all. And I definitely don’t think that it is unfair or childish not to invite them to yours. They have deliberately snubbed you. Why would you want them there on that day? If someone invited me but not my fiance, I would politely decline the invitation. I think it’s very rude. If your SO meant that much to them, they would be happy that he was happy and invite you as well.

Post # 113
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AlmostHisWife:  She’s not engaged. And I think that is a lot of people’s cut off for these type of situations- married or engaged. We included living together for our wedding, but everyone has their own preference as to what counts as a social unit.

Post # 114
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@Nona99:  This. Being polite is worth it in the end. 

Post # 115
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I quoted this from Emily Post before, but here it is again:

Partners of invited guests must be included in a wedding invitation. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together.

I think the OP is upset (rightfully so) and venting.  I’d much rather vent online than to my SO!

I think it’s a bit much to ban them from the house, but that’s just me. 

I also think it’s telling that the SO doesn’t seem to care much about the OP’s feelings regarding the matter.  If this is the case, the OP should do some soul-searching about her relationship with him.

Post # 116
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

hotpinkbride – Either way, it’s rude.  If I were to invite my friends who have been with their SO for ten years (who are living together but not engaged), but not invite their SO, it would be as though I wasn’t recognizing them as being in a serious relationship. That is rude. My friends would not even attend my wedding then and I wouldn’t blame them.

We made our cut off that if someone is not in a serious relationship by the time the wedding comes, then they are not getting invited with a guest.  But if we know their SO (whether or not there is a ring on their finger), they are being invited as a unit.  I can’t imagine doing it any other way. 

Post # 118
Member
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@fascinated:  Wow, after reading posts in that thread I’m not terribly surprised the OP is not invited to the wedding, if indeed this is a separate incident. She may have a reputation for being unpleasant that. I wonder if her SO is on the fence about about proposing after her reaction. Yikes. 

OP, I’m not trying be rude but have you considered how your reactions may affect others’ perceptions of you? 

Post # 119
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Lillianna:  I have to disagree, my fiancé has good friends who I am not friends with even though I’ve met them and been to their homes. I think the person you should take issue is, is your SO. He should decline to attend since you’re not invited since clearly it’s bothering you this much. 

Post # 120
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee

@Lillianna:   I’m a bit older than the average BEE and I have learned that holding a grudge usually does not work out so well for me.  That’s not to say that haven’t had to work out some hurt feelings and anger – I have.    I do hope whatever you decide to do works out for you.

Post # 121
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Wonderstruck:  +1

I’m also so suprized most people think she’s overreacting.  I feel really bad for OP. 

View original reply
@Lillianna:  I’m so sorry.  Not only are your “firends” dissing you but what is far worse is that SO is also openly dissing you.  Choosing to go to the wedding after knowing that they excluded you on purpose and knowing how much it hurt you is way worse than them not inviting you. 

Honestly I’d feel so much worse about the fact that your SO thinks it’s no big deal becasue that’s who you are spending your life with not the couple.

If I was SO I’d be offended too, that my relationship isn’t “good” enough or that they don’t like my B/f.  If my friends don’t like my SO they better have a good reason for it.

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