(Closed) rude or respectable/understandable?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I think a letter would be a little much. I think being open and direct with the when these things come up now and at the time will suffice. Also ask your nurses and Darling Husband to be your wing people especially the first couple days.I would have them help you clear the room for private times, I honestly can’t imagine family being offended that you asked them to leave while you are breastfeeding if you tell them it makes you uncomfortable.

Share your feelings with your family about facebook and then I would disenable your wall just to make sure people aren’t putting things there until you are ready.

There will be things that will come up, but to be honest once you have that baby in your arms the first couple of days you feel like you are in your own universe. Focus on what you and baby need and if people get their undies in a bunch that will just have to be their problem and they can deal with it, more then likely you won’t notice.

Post # 4
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

As regards unsolicited advice, You can hear what you want to hear.


In the maternity ward environment, your nurses and midwives will be more than happy to implement your wishes, and shoo out who you dont want there- Their main concern in the ward is you and your baby, and NO ONE ELSE.


At home make rules, get your partner to agree to them and stick to your rules, PLease dont stress about how people feel.


A friend of mine was overwhelmed by visitors (esp inlaws) visiting and STAYING. She stressed so much her milk dried up, the baby got colic and was in and out of hopital with her son for months thereafter.


This is about YOUR baby, not people’s feelings…harsh- but true xxxx

Post # 5
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Hmmmm…. Write one for me too. lol.

What I am thinking is does every one have to know when you go into labor? Could you maybe sit your parents and siblings down and tell them that you want to keep it hush until you are ready to share with Aunt know-it-all and every one else in the world. Maybe have them on the call list and tell that that you don’t want them notifying every one else. Then after baby is born and you are a little more adjusted they could give the call to the other close relitives and your best friends? I think a letter could be mistaken no matter how nicely it is written.

Post # 6
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am 12 weeks pregnant and I’m already getting unsolicited advice! That being said, personally I wouldn’t write a letter. I’m not one to put things in writing that people can take the wrong way and throw back in my face.

I’m planning on having my husband and MAYBE my best friend in the delivery room. That’s it. I plan on telling my best friend, my husband, and my mother/MIL what my wishes are. I don’t want to be overwhelmed, and I have no trouble telling people to leave. But that’s just me.

Is there someone you can appoint as a “liason” for you? Someone who would enforce what you want while you focus on your baby?

Post # 7
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This might be a stupid question but can’t you just tell the nurses when you are ready and not ready to see visitors. If your family doesn’t get the hint during feedings maybe have one of the nurses be the bad guy. Ask her to ask everyone to clear the room during feeding.

Post # 9
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m a nurse. I can tell you that the information I will give is factual, and generally, is the best advice  from a health standpoint of your newborn. Your job is to take my advice, combine it with what works for you, and mold it into something that works for your family.

The best thing you can do is call your own shots. Often, it helps to let the nurses know what your plans are before the baby is born so I can help adhere to that. Your nurse is going to be your biggest advocate, as well as your husband/SO as far as implementing your wishes is concerned.

There are lots of women who don’t feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of family. Usually, I think that is the best option as breastfeeding can be very difficult and painful at first (which is overwhelmingly common so don’t think Boyfriend or Best Friend is easy, it isnt!) and lowering your stress level is key.

I would also make your wishes known to family before the birth of the child, you will be surprised how much people will respect them. I wouldn’t write a letter, but rather communicate your wishes to them face-to-face where your tone will come through the way you mean it to.

Also, look into getting a doula! Lots of hospitals offer them for free and you will have another person on your side, carrying out your wishes so you can remain as stress free as possible! Good luck!

Post # 11
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Post the letter here!

Post # 13
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow that is persistant!! If you feel comfortable writing a letter then you know your family best and should do it. Do what you can, and if people still are pushy or they come in an hr before they should, dont let it bother you. In the long run the most important thing is lying right there in your arms.

Oooor you could avoid it all together by just not telling anyone you are going into labor 😉

Post # 14
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

email always works

Post # 15
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree have a nurse on your side if your mom cant help. Have you ever thought of someone like a doula? Sorry I know thats advice but they basicly are just there for you and do what you wish. Some of the advice your getting might be good but just in the wrong tone. Educate yourself in which ever way you want but dont take any single persons instructions or advice 100% including nurses.

Post # 16
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Without going into too much detail, I have watched something similiar occur recently.  Peeps might think some of this stuff is obvious (not breaking hospital rules, not being offended because the new mom doesn’t want everyone watching her Boyfriend or Best Friend, crazy people showing up at the house expecting to be fed dinner on the day the baby comes home) but in some families, with some people, it does happen.

So, maybe you could show us the letter and we can help soften the tone, but I definitely think that you should send one if it makes you feel better.  I would, as PPs have said, also have a chat with the nursing staff so that they know what’s going on.

You could try talking with people first and, if they don’t get it, send the letter.  You could also just not tell  people when you go into labour and just let them know when the baby has arrived.  You can call when you’re showered and feel ready.  

IMO, this is ALL about you, your baby and your Darling Husband.  That’s it.  And as the person who is doing the “heavy” work here, I honestly think that you have veto power.

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