Rude people telling me I would be awful not to provide a sibling

posted 3 weeks ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

My sister was in your position and heard the same rude things. Unfortunately her last embryo didn’t stick and some people still said insensitive things despite knowing the troubles she’d had ☹

Half my favourite people are only children. I’m a middle child. The world thinks I must have issues because of that. Folks will find a way for your decisions to be wrong no matter what you do- so just listen to your heart instead of naysayers. It won’t steer you wrong. 😊

Also fwiw there’s dang near a whole generation of only children in China and the only real problem they seem to have is that the sex ratio is terribly skewed. 

Post # 3
Member
12635 posts
Honey Beekeeper

People can be so rude. I’d stop telling people anything at all. I’d ask why they want to know, then depending on the source either say you would rather not discuss, don’t care to, or that if there is ever anything to tell them you’ll be sure to let them know. 

Post # 4
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

People are so ridiculous! I’m assuming this is coming from family? I wouldn’t even discuss it with people who talk to me this way. If we decide to have another you’ll know— oh look here’s my child right here– this one is still in like new condition 😉  (sorry, mom humor!) 

In all seriousness– please don’t let people pressure you. I’m an only child. I’m not spoiled or anti social. I’m independent, have a lot of friends (that made up for siblings) and my childhood was really amazing. I’m very close with my family and I have a 2 year daughter. I’m seriously considering not having another– but I know her dad wants another down the road. I’m open to either one. 

you do what’s best for you– what your heart and body can give is what’s best! There is no right or wrong. 

Post # 5
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

weddingmaven :  I said almost the same thing without first reading your reply! ✔️

Post # 7
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

candy08 :  regardless of how you provide your child a network of family I think that network is SUPER important. My parents really worked hard when I was growing up to make sure that we had a close relationship with our cousins aunts and uncles. My parents coordinated many trips and outings with our cousins growing up to ensure that we had lifelong relationships with each other. 

I feel very strongly that that network weather it be made up of siblings or cousins or even close family friends and their kids if you aren’t in contact with cousins is essential. Because some day your child will have to deal with you and husbands death and not being around anymore. If you set them up with a support network that will really go a long way in helping them. People I think get nosy about only children not because it’s all about that only child being a brat, because if you socialize your kid that shouldn’t be an issue. For me it’s because I want my child and children to have each other when I’m not here anymore. Whatever that network looks like for you and husband I think you should work hard at putting that together for your child. Whatever that looks like for you is up to you. 

Post # 8
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee

We have an only child from IVF from our one lucky embryo that stuck. Once I started telling people the real reason we have only 1, the never-ending comments stopped.  And one family member realized how rude/presumptuous she had been and apologizes ever time we see her now! 

 

Not everyone wants to share all the gory details and that’s ok too, but a quick “well, we planned to have 3 but unfortunately after spending $100k and putting my body through absolutely medical hell for 5 years – including the time I almost died after my C-section, remember that? – we know know our child is an absolute miracle from God and we’re just so blessed to have the one. I’m sure you can understand….”😊

Post # 9
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee

PS – my only child is 110% a people person and one of the friendliest, outgoing, sociable kiddos you’ve ever met! Don’t worry about the only kid stigma.  Our little party of 3 is tons of fun!!

Post # 11
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Oh and I’m also a big fan of responding to people’s rude comments with bluntness that makes them embarrassed and realize how inappropriate that is. 

Them: when are you having another child, or you know only children are trouble 

You: Yikes, that’s a pretty insensitive question. You never know if a couple is struggling with infertility or not. Those kinds of comments are pretty insensitive and rude. 

You: I don’t think those kinds of comments are ever appropriate. It’s pretty rude to comment on a couples fertility and baby choices. 

the more blunt the better. And you say them with a calm but serious face. And when they go into their apology train you don’t say a word, you just let them finish and say, “apology accepted” and walk away. Even if they didn’t actually apologized but instead tried to justify their comments. 

then the next time that same person asks another like question? You just look at them and say, We went over this last time you asked me the same rude question. Stop asking me about this. It’s not acceptable. 

Post # 13
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Glare at them and say: we’ve been trying every single month since she was born. I’ve had seven miscarriages and spent 50,000$ on IVF. Then give them a second death stare and walk away.

I don’t know if I’d actually have the nerve to do this (we have struggled with infertility and haven’t had questions like this) but like the NERVE of some people! I feel like people who ask these questions need to be taught a lesson

 

*** I’m pregnant with our first after 4 years of infertility so I’m moody and just so angry for you!

Post # 14
Member
446 posts
Helper bee

I don’t want any kids so at this point I’m used to all sorts of comments. I think PP is right, the best thing to do is avoid answering altogether. However if you do choose to answer and get rude comments, don’t hesitate to answer back “the number of children we are having is a private decision between me and my husband. Thank you for respecting that.”

Post # 15
Member
9365 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I fortunately live in a place where a good number of families choose to only have one kid, so there’s little judgment. That said, if anyone were to make rude comments about it, I’d just shake it off — unless someone walks in my shoes every moment of everyday, they have absolutely no idea what’s best for me/my family and their opinion carries no weight. But I was also a happy only child (and know many incredible only children) so that makes those people much easier to ignore.

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