(Closed) Rude questions from FFIL, ugh!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Does he have married daughters and did he pay for their weddings while the husband’s parents didn’t? If so then I could at least understand it. Still wrong to say, but at least understandable. Otherwise, he’s being an ass. Either way he should butt out, and good on your Fiance for shutting him down.

Post # 4
Hostess
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s rude, however, I can see where he’s coming from.

It’s wildly thought, especially by the older generations, that the brides parents should contribute to their daughters wedding.

It’s obviously not feesible for everyone & he didn’t need to be so rude about it.

Post # 5
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

That is rude! It is none of his business. Not every brides parents are financially able to do this. If he cares so much why doesn’t he open his wallet and put his money where his mouth is? I am glad you fiance said something.

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Rude.  I would use this as a lesson in dealing with Future Father-In-Law.   I’ve run into this kind of person. You should just get used to cutting him off at the knees.  What’s your budget?  Why do you need to know? 

It won’t stop at the wedding, it’s going to be a lifelong thing.  Seriously consider your standard answer as…. WHY?  Why do you want to know .. and when he says its just a question… answer:  Well that’s not a good enought reason for you to know, then excuse yoru self and go have a good laught in the bathroom.

Post # 7
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

He went about it in a pretty ham-fisted way, but there are quite a few people, especially “well off” people, who always think in terms of price tags. I wouldn’t take it too personally… but big kudos to your fiance for stepping in.

Post # 9
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@Tarheelgurl:

Some people are just very traditional like that.  It’s still rude though.  I wouldn’t have told him what your parents were paying.  I wouldn’t mind saying what I’m paying but it’s none of his business what your parents are paying.

Post # 10
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Maybe he was just trying to get an understanding of how much he should contribute? He could have been feeling bad, and just wanted to make sure it was equal on all fronts?

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Definitely rude, glad your Fiance stepped in and said something! Now you guys know to not answer these questions from him. My Mother-In-Law is the same way…the price and interest rate on our house, how much our tax refund was for, exact dollar amounts of how much guests gave at our wedding, etc. And yeah, stuff about my family too. Clearly it’s none of his business – usually saying that just starts an argument, so instead we jsut say we don’t remember the exact number. If she presses for an estimate or acts appalled we don’t remember, we shrug and ignore ir, then change the subject. Took awhile, but she eventually stopped asking about our finances.

Post # 12
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Tarheelgurl:  Oh my goodness, we had this exact conversation! Except it was Future Mother-In-Law. I was pretty annoyed, but probably didn’t show it though. I never tend to show that I’m offended enough when they say rude things… I probably should though, so they can see it’s not ok. I think it’s very rude.

We were hoping (not expecting) Future In-Laws to contribute because they’re well off, and it would be very helpful. Apparently, they think my parents should be paying for *all* of it. I pointed out that my parents have 4 girls and can hardly afford to pay for 4 weddings, but that doesn’t matter because “it’s tradition”. Lucky for Future In-Laws then, they had all boys! So in conclusion, Fiance and I will be paying for all of it.

Post # 13
Member
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

He had no right asking questions like that. 

Post # 14
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

How was your Future Mother-In-Law during this conversation? My fh and i both know that his father is just plain socially irresponsible when it comes to speaking with people. For instance, we all had to fly out to vegas once for a family thing, and at the airport waiting for the plane he says to me ‘oh xyz i didnt know you were coming!’ (i came to the airport in HIS car) and proceeded to ask me where i was staying, and did i get my own room… No because as has been worked out i was to be staying with my fiance is a room his dad booked.it became so out of control because he was made aware of all this my my fhs mother (who is divorced from his dad) ended up getting us our own room, and his dad had an extra. Basically either his mom or stepmom has to step in and set him straight. You guys  def just need to learn how to navigate his input

Post # 15
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

At first I didn’t think it was rude because maybe they were going to offer to pay the difference of your budget and what your parents are paying. But he was out of line saying they should pay.

Post # 16
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ummm that is super rude!  You are not overreacting…

 

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