(Closed) RUDE ring comments!

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 76
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

hikingbride: So… for about a month I have been trying to find my mom a nice sapphire ring and let me tell you. They are NOT cheap! You should tell those people to kiss it!

Post # 77
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I think the only even close to rude comment I’ve got is “oh, it’s dainty like your little hands.” First of all, I picked out my ring. Second, it’s 0.5ct spread out over 3 stones and doesn’t look small on my size 4 fingers. My response was “i love it” then walked away.

Post # 78
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper

mccabetobee:  Back when I was engaged, I got the other end of the spectrum on that type of comment. 

“It’s very pretty, but why didn’t you go for a larger stone? Bigger girls need a bigger stone.” Or “Wow, it looks so dainty on your big fingers. That’s funny.” Or “It’s pretty, but I almost can’t see it. It gets lost on your finger.” Or the stranger (a man) who was a total peach and said I should have a bigger stone for my “man hands”.  -.-“

In my 20s, those remarks hurt — a lot. I’ve always had low self esteem and been very self conscious about my appearance / weight in general. For perspective, at the time I was getting these comments, I was pretty average in size. I’m about 5’6″ tall, and I was a size 6-8 at that time, wearing around a size 6-6.5 ring.

Now, I’m in my “second 20s” . I’ve been married for a while … had a child … been waaaaaay up and down and waaaaay up again … and currently slowly inching my way back down in size … and 4 years of therapy under my belt in an effort to learn how to love the person I am. My biggest regret? That when I got fat, I heard careless, callous comments like these in my head and stopped wearing my beautiful, beloved jewelry. I could have had my engagement ring resized, but something inside me said that I didn’t deserve it or that it would look ugly on my big hands or whatever … It wasn’t true. It was the ghost of those stupid comments heard when I was so much younger.

Thankfully, the 4 years of therapy managed to permanently break my “give a f***” meter. So now, I wear what I want. Ha, ha!

I will never understand why people can’t just look at a person’s engagement ring and say something along the lines of, “How beautiful! I’m very happy for you!” instead of interjecting stupid comments or unwanted opinions. Because the truth is, every engagement ring is beautiful. It’s a meaningful symbol to the people involved in that relationship. It is much loved. It is special. These things, alone, make every single one a thing of beauty.

Post # 79
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

longtimemrs:  I’m sorry : ( I hate that people treated you like that. Its super rude! You didnt sound “fat” at all. A size 6 on someone who is 5’6″ doesnt sound big at all. sounds healthy or even small. I am 4’11” and during the winter months when I cant run I get up to a size 6 (I’m latin and unfortunately have large hips). But even on my small height, a size 6 doesnt look big…I still look healthy. People are just rude.Finger size is almost no indication to how big a person is in my opinion. One of my best friends is 5’9″ and rather lean but still has a size 7.5 finger. a size 6-6.5 ring isnt even big, its considered average. When I went looking for my ring we had to walk away from a lot of places because they didnt carry my size and it would be many weeks before they could size it. I’m just awkwardly small.

I am so glad you were able to break your “give a F***” meter! I think that is something every woman has to do because there are always going to be rude comments from other jealous women or disgusting men. I cant believe a stranger made a remark like that to you. That’s when you tell someone to suck a d***!

Post # 80
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My sapphire elicited a lot of “ohhh… it’s ok! You can get a real ring some day!” and “is it, like, a promise ring?” and my husband’s Aunt, who said she only just now (at maybe 40) got her diamond ring, as though she was trying to commiserate with me?  I just told them that I picked it out myself. 

Post # 81
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee

I wear a dangle ring when my hands are bad. Someone said it looked morbid. Ha! People say stuff. Whatever. 

Post # 82
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

The design of my ring is pretty non-controversial (RB with a thin pave shank and pave basket), so not much room to snark on its appearance unless you want to offend the 320984039 other girls in the vicinity who also have a Round Brilliant with a pave shank. However, it gets me every time when people ask me 1) how many carats and 2) what did it cost. 1) None of your business and 2) none of your business. It’s normal to be curious, but part of being an adult is keeping your offensive curiosity to yourself.

Post # 83
Member
89 posts
Worker bee

Not actually engaged myself yet, but my aunt has a sapphire ring with a diamond halo and a yellow gold band, and being very aware of rings lately XD, I told her how beautiful it was. She replied about her own ring in front of other members of our family ‘meh it was cheap’. (not totally sure she knows how expensive sapphires can be or maybe she was just considering comparable to a diamond she wanted/she’s been married for >25 years so prices have changed). So feeling really awkward, I was just like, “I think it looks regal, and sapphires are a huge trend in my generation because of how unique, but gorgeous they are.” She just replied – “I wanted a 1 carat diamond but he couldn’t afford that so this is it.”

My mistake for bringing it up I guess… 

Post # 84
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee

picassokindoflove: 

1) Like your teeth!

2) I would find fault too if I couldn’t afford it

 

HAHA I don’t think I would ever have the guts to say something like that but it’s always fun 🙂

 

I’m sorry you didn’t have anything to say at the time, I have the same problem. I can’t believe some people!

Post # 85
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

These threads bring out the ugly in some people.  I don’t see how responding to a rude comment with “well we COULD have gotten a bigger diamond but instead we bought 4 houses, 3 boats, 6 cars and a sensible private jet” is any less crass or tactless.  If someone truly doesn’t care if other people are judging them, why bother with the response claiming financial superiority?

 

Personally, if someone asks me how much my ring was, I tell them. I don’t volunteer that information but if someone wants to know, I don’t see the harm in telling them.

Post # 86
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Finances and wedding-related subjects are extremely personal things to discuss and it’s all about HOW people say things to you. For instance, the one and only time that anybody was ever rude to me concerning *anything* regarding my engagement was when they called me ridiculous for planning a long engagement due to other financial priorities because “You might as well not be engaged if it’s gonna be that long” and “You care more about your wedding than you do about your marriage.” If this person had simply said, “I have a few ideas for you to save money and maybe have your wedding sooner,” I wouldn’t have gotten nearly as angry as I did.

Post # 87
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper

mccabetobee:  Awww, thanks so much, Bee. *cyberhugs*

Really, I think that the “little hands” comment someone said to you was just as rude. Because that seems to make it all about your appearance or body type or whatever.

I think if the comments people said to me had been solely directed toward having a “small” stone (it’s a bit over .5, so it really wasn’t small to me — ha, ha!), it would have hurt but not as much. But bringing appearance/body type/size into it just adds an extra layer of ick, IMO.

Basically, I think the only time it’s all right to offer an unsolicited comment on another’s appearance is … NEVER. LOL 

Post # 88
Member
5532 posts
Bee Keeper

Today, the new girl at the nail shop [Mary..] saw my ering.  She said “is that moissanite?” I said yes it is!  How do you know about it? She proceeded to tell me the story about how her mother was a jeweler, lost the family business to a gambling habit, and tried to commit suicide by drinking bleach. After hearing all of her life horrors [all I wanted was a no chip lady..honestly..] she finally says “it could pass for real good for you”.  wth..?  Sometimes people just have no filter through no fault of their own.

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