(Closed) Rude RSVP?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Wow. That’s awful. Will it mess up your reception plans if they happen to show up, if their “plans” allow? If so, you may want to be the bigger person and follow up. 🙁

Post # 4
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

argh so annoying. 

Post # 5
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, it’s like if you don’t care enough to block off your day from us then just RSVP no.

I didn’t get anything that bad but from my cousin I received. “We are not willing to tie down a babysitter for that day”. Seriously they live down the street from her mother, and if they wanted to come they could find a babysitters months in advance.

Post # 6
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow, talk about a crappy response! I like your approach though!

We had one sort of similar. We invited cousins of ours (distant…and it was more out of obligation), and their mom contacted us and said, “Oh…they were so excited to get the invite, but then saw adult-only reception. They’re so disappointed that they won’t be able to come.” I was feeling generous, and their 1 year old was very well behaved, so I told her that they would be welcomed to bring the baby. So they RSVP yes, and then none of them showed up the day of the wedding. They claimed that they were sick. I think that was their passive aggressive way of sticking it to me for not inviting their kid to begin with.

Post # 7
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

A couple was invited to our wedding…their children were not. We received their RSVP card back which read:

Mr. & Mrs. (First Name) (Last Name) and son (His Name)

___Accepts with pleasure—then they wrote in “For 3” next to it.

It was clear that their kid was not invited- based on their “For 3”, they knew it too.

The worst part–the kid came, ate our lovely dinner, and enjoyed music on his ipod for about 4 hours.

Post # 8
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow, that is totally rude! I was going to say, if it wasn’t family I would email or have my parents call them and say that since they can’t decide now they are being put down as a ‘no’. Since it’s family.. Maybe you can email and say “Hey got your RSVP card, I’m sorry you don’t know what your plans are for our wedding day yet but just so you know if you don’t respond by X date I will put you down as a ‘no’. Hope you can make it!”

Post # 9
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hey, I hear you, passive aggressive (or outright aggressive) RSVPs happened to us, as well. I was upset on the days that we got them, and posted here about them. But, it’s now been a few weeks, and they all fade away with the excitement your wedding approaching 😀

Good for you for your approach! Not following up with them is the best response, exactly the opposite of what they are going for, I bet.

Post # 10
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My plans for the day include kicking that person.  Seriously?  That IS one of the most asinine RSVP responses I’ve heard yet.  

My sister has had some passive aggressive non-responses.  She’s getting married on September 11, and her FH’s mother and sister have refused to send in the RSVP cards.  One with the comment “I need the RSVP card for a scrapbook” and the other insisted that she sent it in, yelling “Of course I sent it and we’re coming.”  She found it a week later on her counter…

In normal situations this wouldn’t be a big deal because they are family and you’d assume that they would be coming…however, unfortunately their attendance is actually up in the air and I think that they aren’t returning the cards to buy some time (maybe my sister will back down from the adult only reception?).

As long as you don’t NEED to know numbers, I think that your plan to just let it go is great.  I do think that it would be awfully amusing for those people to show up, have no seat, no escort card, and a comment “Oh!  We didn’t think that you were coming.  It’s great to see you.  I’m glad that you’re plans for the day included coming to our wedding.”  

Post # 11
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

WOW. We have had much more aggressive responses actually. One of FIs uncles sent us the card, in an envelope, with a typed 4 paragraph later explaining that because his wife wasnt invited (who is a horrible person and has done awful things to FIs family mind you) that he couldnt come and how insulted he was.

Post # 12
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Ugh!  That response is incredibly rude.  I agree that you should not stoop to their level.  It sounds like they will not come, so no need to give them a second thought or acknowledge that they succeeded in their dig.

Post # 14
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

What the eff? Seriously, what jerks! Send it in late, not with a ?. Sheesh. Thankfully they won’t mess up your reception if they don’t show!

Post # 15
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Goldilocks1107: I think I’d send a reply that says to them “Since our RSVP deadline has passed, I guess we’ll count you as a no!”

Post # 16
1254 posts
Bumble bee

Folks like that drive me crazy. It’s almost like they are always looking for something better to come up. If nothing does, then heck, why not go to a wedding. So rude!!


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