(Closed) Rude rude rude!!

posted 7 years ago in TTC
  • poll: How should I respond to her next time it comes up?
    Huh? SIL is totally right! You should wait! : (4 votes)
    2 %
    Impossible to be polite, tell her to suck it : (102 votes)
    52 %
    I have a more cool-headed response, and I'm sharing below! : (16 votes)
    8 %
    No clue, but I agree that SIL is rude : (74 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 17
    7642 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @bearlove:  I was thinking the ideal response would be something like, “We will have kids…. when WE are ready.”

    Whether I’d have the guts to say that to my older SIL is another matter. Perhaps Darling Husband can have a line like that rehearsed?

    Post # 18
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Say exactly what you want to say, but in a calm, neutral tone and minus any swear words. Be direct and clear about what you think about that statement, without any personal insults.

    If she persists in future, you can always say, “I believe we talked about this before. Should I go over it again?” She won’t enjoy listening to that straight talk again, and will definitely drop the topic. You may even get an apology.

    Post # 19
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @blueskies7:  +1!!!

    I’m the kind of person that when told I can’t do something, I do it to spite them.

    So in saying that, if I was in your shoes, I’d be trying so hard to get myself sperminated right now!

    Maybe you should tell her it’s actually the reverse, and she can’t get engaged until you’re pregnant?!

    Post # 20
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Just ignore her! I don’t even get how people don’t say things like, “ARE YOU INSANE” right in the moment?? I would absolutely 100% assume it was a joke, especially with the mention of fat bridesmaids!

    Post # 21
    2492 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’d tell her, “I’ve tried being polite, but seriously, you cannot tell me when to have a baby. Darling Husband and I will decide when the time is right for us– not you.”

    Post # 22
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’d say to go with the same meme that you do with planning a wedding:  “That’s a great idea!  I’ll keep it in mind.” and then ignore it and do what’s right for you when it’s right for you.   Either that or I’d punch her…. lol

    Post # 23
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    The time for politeness is over.  lol 

    Honestly, the next time she says something like this, I would ask a nice pointed question: Why do you think that you have a right to tell us when to have a baby?

    See what she says.  If she spouts off something about being older, I’d say “Do you think that is actually a reasonable response?”

    I’ve noticed in difficult conversations that asking pointed questions often gets the other person to actually think about what kind of crap is coming out of their mouth.

    If it persists, I’d continue to stir the pot.  “If we did get pregnant, what would you do?”

    She sounds….interesting.  🙂 

    Post # 24
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I vote to tell her to suck it!! But don’t actually. I wouldn’t say anything at all and just continue with whatever plans you have to start a family, be it now or later. It’s none of her business. She can find out you’re pregnant later with the rest of the family.

    Just because she’s older doesn’t mean she gets to veto your plans for having a baby, sorry sistah, doesn’t work that way!

    Post # 25
    450 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

    I’d just tell her that you’re already married and starting a family, and what you and Darling Husband plan is your own business. You’re sorry if that upsets her but it’s really none of her business.


    Post # 26
    3638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Don’t say anything at all, that will just cause even more drama. 

    Have a baby when you want to (obviously) and she’ll throw a fit once that happens but once it’s started it’s kind of hard to stop!

    If you say something now it will be a sore point forever and she’ll still ask you to wait. 


    Do remember though that she is probably hurting from the fact that her Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t have enough faith in the relationship to know 100% that it will last through deployment and she probably feels like her baby brother is outstripping her in “adulthood”. I’m not saying that she is handling it well, just that that can be a very hard thing to deal with and a little sympathy and/or empathy might help things.

    Post # 27
    2195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Torrid:  Ha! Love this!

    She sounds like she’s being selfish. I’d try your best to just ignore it and keep TTC if you’re already at that stage. Her wedding “desires” have nothing to do with your plans to start a family (nor should they) and I’d try your best to ignore her. She clearly wants to be the “first” to have a baby, or doesn’t want ANY attention off of her on her wedding day (which it won’t be, regardless of your uterus’s status… lol).

    I’d just say nothing and when you are pregnant deal with it then. Her wedding plans should in no way shape your TTC goals. So stupid. People can be really, really selfish.



    Post # 28
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Ugh I dealt with a similar situation & it really sucks.  i had a friend that would regularly tell me I better not get pregnant before her wedding because she wanted everyone to be drunk & partying. (Mind you I was NOT a bridesmaid, just a friend going as a guest). Whenever I saw her at group gatherings or bbq’s she would come up and tell me how glad she is that I was drinking beer and again remind me not to get pregnant until after her wedding. This started to really sting after we started trying and it wasn’t happening right away. I continued to be polite & sidestep the conversations as much as possible.  When we did get pregnant we waited until 12 weeks to announce and it happened to fall on the weekend AFTER her wedding. So we didn’t “steal her thunder” and I’m sure she felt like an asshole when she realized I was already pregnant during some of these comments. 

    Post # 29
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If she says it again just brush it off.  People get wrapped up in their own ideas and don’t realize what jerks they sound like.  Just a simple “my husband and I will decide what’s best for our family” should put her off for a little while.

    My SIL told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her.  This before our wedding, and she’s 6 years my junior.  I assured her that 1) we wouldn’t even try before the wedding and 2) we’d have babies when we wanted to have babies and she should do the same thing.  She was obsessed with the idea of having the first grandchild because they’re always the best and most important and most loved.  Guess who was “accidentally” pregnant at my wedding and made a big to-do about it all weekend?

    Post # 30
    7556 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013


    I would just ignore her. She’s obviously got an issue here, you don’t want her to take it out on you. Darling Husband can deal with it when you get pregnant. 

    Post # 31
    1026 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    As PP said, I would tell her, “We’ll have kids when we’re ready.” and follow that up with, “Just like you will get married when you and your boyfriend are ready.”

    The topic ‘Rude rude rude!!’ is closed to new replies.

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