(Closed) Rude to ask for RSVP before deadline?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

When is your deadline?

Post # 5
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

yes, it’s rude.

Post # 6
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would wait for the deadline.  I don’t think it’s rude but you have a deadline for a reason and people are often confused or made to feel guilty when asked before then.

Post # 7
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

That’s a little early to ask for the RSVP early.. It’s still 3 weeks away for them to decide.  I would wait another 1-2 weeks and see if they respond and if not, maybe then call and ask?  I don’t know if I would ask in advance, the RSVP date is there for a reason, you know?  To give people time to coordinate and see if they can make it!

Post # 8
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

@KateByDesign:  +1. I definitely think you could potentially cause some confusion and guilt if you start asking for RSVPs before the deadline.

Post # 10
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

you set your deadline for sept 1 so i think it would be a bit rude to expect a final response before that.  if you wanted a response sooner, you should have indicated that on the rsvp.

Post # 11
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I created a facebook event for my Vow Renewal…   I said if you know you will or will not be there, its not too early to RSVP.  Some people have declined already, which is awesome for me, now I can plan accordingly.

I wish fb was invented when I had my original wedding LOL…

I don’t think its rude, especially when there is that many ppl you will have to pay for if whether they show up or not.



Post # 12
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is this someone you would speak to on a regular basis?  If so I don’t see any reason why in casual convesation you can’t ask who you’ll be expecting to see at the wedding.  I wouldn’t make them actually send back the RSVP before the wedding, but even if they know for sure that say 6 of the 13 are not planning on coming, but 3 are still up in the air, that’s valuable info.  For our wedding I totally had my gma casually ask around.  I didn’t live and die by the number, but it was useful for approximating.  Even after I sent out our save teh dates in Dec, I totally would ask people when I saw them if they thought they’d be able to make it (we invited 146 and ended up with 75 because we had mostly across the country guests.  That would have made a HUGE difference in the budget if they all showed up, that needed to be addressed early on).  And it was awesome to know in January even that 16 cousins with plus ones already weren’t planning on making the trip.

So, I say rude to actually ask them to mail in their solid response early,but I don’t see any reason that you or a family member that’s closer to them can’t get a general feel for what might be happening.

Post # 13
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is too early, and a little presumptuous to expect an answer before  your deadline.  I  have overseas friends invited who I’m pretty positive can’t make it, but I won’t bug them for their response for a few days, and my deadline was Thursday.

Post # 14
3266 posts
Sugar bee

You set the date, if you wanted to know earlier, you should have asked for it earlier.

It is not polite to ask for it earlier.

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