Post # 1
So my FMIL’s best friend has suddenly taken it upon herself to plan my Bridal Shower… i know my Maid/Matron of Honor (who is my sister) is going to be super dissapointed when I tell her this. But I feel so bad to tell my FMIL’s friend to not have this party for me. I already told my Future Mother-In-Law that my sister is going to have a Bridal Shower for me at my parents house, and she said that its not proper to have a Bridal Shower at the parents home. I just brushed her comment off…and we never spoke of it again until now..
The thing is her friend only wants to host it on a Sunday, but I know my Aunts from my Mum&Dads side will not be able to make it due to 2 church services. And my FH doesn’t really have any family so it would mostly be my side comming to this Bridal Shower. She already bought invites and Thank you cards and is asking me where im going to register and asking me for addreses…
My family will def not go to two showers so I dont know what to do!!!
Post # 3
I have hosting a shower for my best friend and her aunt threw her one as well. Her aunt had the family shower and I am hosting the friend shower, maybe you could do something like that?
Post # 4
@soontobemrssully: I think it is lovely that your FMIL’s friend generously has offered to host a bridal shower in your honor. Your Future Mother-In-Law is right — from an etiquette perspective, it technically is not considered to be proper for a member of the bride’s family to host a shower.
ETA: I wanted to add, however, that it is not rude for there to be more than one shower.
Post # 5
I will have one shower thrown by my FI’s side of the family, and one shower thrown by my Maid/Matron of Honor that is more for my side of the family/friends. I don’t think having two is a problem as long as different people are invited to both.
ETA: I’m of the understanding that it’s okay to have a bridal shower thrown by your sister if she’s a member of the wedding party (since traditionally the wedding party plans the showers anyway). My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s hosting (but not at my parents’ house).
Post # 6
“I appreciate all the effort you’re willing to go to, but scheduling the shower on Sunday doesn’t work for my family. How about if I give you a list of dates that can work with our schedules, and you can pick whichever one you like best. If none of them work for you, I’ll totally understand if you can’t host a shower.”
Rinse, repeat as necessary. Stand firm. Don’t be bullied.
Post # 7
I know a lot of people who have 2 bridal showers because someone from both sides of the family wants to host. The way it’s done here is that the bridal showers planned by someone on the grooms side of the family are for the guests on that side, and vice versa. I don’t think it seems “gift grabby” unless you have all the same people invited to both showers. I don’t know the official etiquette on this, though, so keep that in mind
Post # 9
It’s not rude if its for two seperate sides. I had a shover in my town that was almost all just my family and friends. DH’s family all live in the same town about 7 hours away and wanted to host something Up there. None of the guest list overlapped at all.
Post # 10
I think the polite thing to do is to ask the guest of honor (you) what day of the week you would like to have a shower. That doesn’t seem right to me.
When I chose the date for my bride’s shower, I made sure that I picked a date that was available to the entire bridal party, MOB, and the bride.
Post # 11
Have two. One thrown my FMIL’s friend and one by your sister. Lots of people do it that way you make them all happy.
Post # 12
I don’t understand all of the “rules” surrounding bridal showers but I will say I am having two. My Future Mother-In-Law told me FI’s aunts wanted to throw a shower and asked if we wanted to combine it with the one my aunts are throwing me but my aunt didn’t want to do that as it would end up being WELL over 50 people (and that’s only family – aunts, cousins, etc.). Most of the people I know who have gotten married have had ATLEAST two showers so I wouldn’t be too concerned that people would find it rude. If it’s not the same guests I don’t find it rude.
Post # 13
It’s fine to have two! Just split your list in half and make sure no one gets invited to both showers!
Post # 14
I’m caught in the middle of warring family factions, so yeah, I’m stuck with multiple bridal showers. There shouldn’t be much family family overlap, but both sides want to invite my friends. I just warned them of multiple invites, they’re not obligated to go to any of them, free booze if you do show up, yadda yadda.
Post # 15
Thank you everyone for your responses!!!
I think I might have my MOH/sister throw me more of a party a few months after – possibly with the men as well…shes just sad she cant throw a typical bridal shower 🙁