(Closed) Rude to invite some kids and not others?

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

I think that’s reasonable– as long as you have a consistent rule, you’re fine. If you were picking and choosing which friends’ children to invite, then it would get sticky, but if you’re saying family children only, I think that’s totally ok.

Post # 3
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

We only invited children that were related to us. Not sure what the etiquette is on this subject. I only had one person complain/ask and I explained that we just couldn’t afford to invite all kids. She understood and still came.

Post # 4
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

No, it’s okay. It’s none of anyone’s business who you invite or why. The people with kids won’t know there are other kids coming until they are there , and then they will likely notice that the other kids are close, like family. There is a world of difference between family kids you know/love/are close to and people’s children who you have never met and shouldn’t really be there. It’s also very common to have “no kids” except nephews/nieces etc. I see it often here at the bee. I myself invited only nieces and nephews, my husband’s high school friends all had kids and we had never met them, to have all the kids invited would have drastically changed the number of invites and type of wedding we wanted to have. I did invite my bridal party’s children (only 2/5 had kids), my MOH’s daughters are my “nieces” not by blood, they were my flower girls. My other Bridesmaid or Best Man who lives across the country couldn’t afford to bring her whole fam so that made it easier, only nieces and nephews came. 

The thing to avoid, ettiquette wise, is putting “adults only” on the invite, as that as seen as sort of unnecessary, especially in a situation where it’s not 100% accurate. 

Post # 5
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I dont’ think it’s rude or a breach of etiquette (technically, you ahve the authority to invite whomever you want), and I think it’s reasonable to have clear-cut “rules” regarding which children–children of family members only being a perfectly logical one. The problems arise when you try to “slice and dice” for kids (that kid, but not that one) without any overriding criterion. 

I mean, the other way to see it is that the children of your FI’s family members ARE family–they count as family members, no matter their age. 

Post # 7
Member
3349 posts
Sugar bee

My sister did this – our only niece and nephew were invited but no other children. Some of the friends with kids said something about it but my sister did not care. 

Post # 8
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I’m so glad you asked this. I’m in a similar situation where we’re inviting our god children (4 total) and that’s it. But then I realized a couple close friends have kids (one each) and wondered if it’d be rude to exclude them. One friend, I’m 100% sure she would understand and not take it personal, but another…I’m almost certain after getting the invite she’ll flat out ask if her son can come. He’ll be 3 by that time.

Post # 10
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

I only invited kids related to us. My friends did ask about their kids and I told them we couldn’t invite them because of our guest list reaching the venue’s max capacity. They understood since we have large families.

Post # 11
Member
3334 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It’s not rude. So long as you dont break up families (ie invite 2/3 kids) it’s fine.

Post # 12
Member
2636 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I think that, if you have clear cut rules, it’s perfectly fine to only invite some children and not others. You’re drawing the line at family only, and that’s fine. The only children we’re inviting to our wedding are my 3 younger siblings (who will be 13, 8 and 5 by the time the wedding rolls around and are all in the wedding party) and my FI’s 2 nephews (who will be 3 and 1). We both have a lot of cousins who are under the age of 18, some of our older cousins have children, family friends have children and some of our friends have children – there was just too many for us to accommodate, so this is where we felt comfortable drawing the line.

Post # 13
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think it’s ok so long as it’s consistent for all family At same level of closeness.

Post # 15
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you’re good since it’s a clear cut rule.  

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