(Closed) Rude to invite unemployed people to shower/wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9668 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

you did the right thing inviting her, don’t feel bad for inviting the people you want there because they are not in a good financial situation 🙂

unless someone is having a wedding as a gift grab they shouldn’t NOT invite someone because of their financial situation

Post # 4
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow, unless she would need to travel a long ways to get to these events I don’t really see how her financial situation comes into play! I think it is really rude of her mom to say that as it is assuming that you are inviting guests just to get gifts! I would just re-iterate that you would love for her to come if she can make it, and no presents are expected.

Post # 7
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@speechgal44:  I think you did the right thing. If someone cannot afford to bring a gift for a shower and they do not feel comfortable showing up empty handed then they can decline the invite. I don’t know why she sent that email bc it seems soooo rude to invite/not invite people based on their financial situation. We are in a different stage of life than most of our friends and we are still inviting them to our wedding even tho they cannot afford gifts. 

Post # 8
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I always give a gift… no matter how much it is, if it comes from a dollar store, I always give a gift. There is no excuse not to give one because of “financial reasons” You can always find $1.00 or whatever, and get something… But if you’re embarrassed to go without a “proper” gift, do something about it instead of crying “I have no money!”….

  • stop smoking, for a week, there’s at least $ 70 if it’s $10 a pack.

  • Have Kraft dinner for a week, there’s another chunk of money.

  • Take the bus instead of your car for a week. The gas money minus the bus fare is your gift money.

People can always figure out how to “earn” money if they cut out unecessary things.

Post # 9
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s totally not rude that you invited her!  You wanted her to be there, so you invited her.  It’s not that you were being insensitive.  Folks need to do what they need to do based on their own financial issues…if she couldn’t afford to give a gift, then she shouldn’t.  You didn’t invite her just because you wanted an extra gift!  I don’t think you did anything wrong at all.

Post # 11
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No, what you did wasn’t rude at all. However, I find it extremely rude that her mother questioned your invitation like that. I think your friend should be made “aware” that y’all are friends and thats what you do! And btw, congrats and have fun at your shower!!

Post # 12
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@speechgal44:  I understand, and she should understand too that showing up without a gift is understandable in her situation and she shouldn’t feel that she can’t come and have fun… I was also talking about others who do have money but they act like they don’t.Cool

Post # 13
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@happyface:  Many people who are unemployed are already doing all these things, and have no where left to cut. I’ve been there, when you’re down to the bone on everything and there’s just nothing left to give up. 

OP: You did the right thing by inviting her. It’s probably just really frustrating and embarrassing for her to have to ask if she needs to bring a gift, and those emotions are coming through as resentment. Just assure her that you invited her because you want to see her, and let her make her decision based on what she thinks is best for her circumstances. 

Post # 14
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’d say it would have been more rude not to invite them because of their financial situation. That’s just saying “I know you don’t have any money and because of that, I don’t want you to come”. Obviously that’s not at all the reason but it could be portrayed that way to these guests. I think you did the right thing by extending the invite and explaining your friend that you absolutely don’t expect any kind of gift from her when she contacted you to talk about it. Her mother needs to keep her nose out of it.

Post # 15
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I always think its better to give someone the power to decline an invitation than not to extend it at all when they are in a phase when they probably feel pretty powerless.

Post # 16
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It would be really rude to NOT invite a friend because they were unemployed.  That sends the message “you are only welcome if you can afford a big, fancy gift”. 

I’ve been broke for most of my adult life (college student, grad student, low-paying “make the world a better place” jobs) and I would have been really hurt to not get invited to something because I didn’t make enough money.  (And, as others have mentioned, I was already eating generic mac and cheese for dinner and riding the bus because I didn’t own a car.  That’s what broke people do just to pay their rent and student loans, not so that they can save money to buy friends presents.  I’m sorry if I sound at all snarky here — that really isn’t my intent — but I do get offended when people imply that poor folk are poor because they waste their money of frivolous things.)  As far as gift-giving goes, sometimes you just have to get really creative and make mixed CDs, or things along that nature. 

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