Post # 1
I wasn’t sure where to put this thread, but just wanted to vent and see if anyone else went through this.
My Fiance and I had our engagement announced at church (a common thing at my church). Afterwards, people came up to us to congratulate us. Most people were very kind and happy for us. A few people said rude things, including “Get ready for three years of hell”. Another person said, “the first year of marriage was horrible and we’re only still together because we agreed not to get divorce.” I did tell this particular person that we could listen to the stories about the first year later, but that for now we just wanted to enjoy being engaged since we just got engaged two days ago. I then attempted to ask this person about her sister in an effort to change the topic, but in response to my question of “How is Jane these days?” she said, “Oh, Jane has been married a year now and she has the newlywed blues.” My Fiance was a bit hurt and confused by some of these things — I’m more of the type to think “whatever” and let it roll. We’ve both gotten over it and talked it through, but we were surprised by how rude people could be about something so happy as an engagement announcement!
This whole thing about the first year of marriage, though, sheesh, I’m sick of hearing about it!!! I told my Fiance that it doesn’t have to be that way for everyone and people can’t just project their experiences onto everyone else and assume it will be the same. One example — people told my parents that having teenagers would be a nightmare based on THEIR experience, but my siblings and I ended up being really easy teens to raise. So there.
Anyway . . . how have you delt with people’s rude comments surrounding engagement and marriage? Or has it even come up for you?
Post # 3
Try to focus on this: Happy couples are not as vocal about their experiences as unhappy ones. Everyones expects to be happy so when that happens you’re not exactly surprised, but when things turn out wrong it stays with some people and sadly those people like to rain on other’s parade. Don’t tell me those rude things were advises, they weren’t warning, those are bitter statements.
The only thing to do is to let it go, and PROVE THEM WRONG =D
Post # 4
Misery loves company, that’s all I can say. Just keep ignoring them.
Post # 5
We haven’t dealt with this, but I agree with the PPs – unhappy people might tend to talk about it more whereas happy people don’t have as much to complain about! The best “revenge” (I know you’re not actually looking for revenge) is living well. 🙂
Post # 6
Learn to brush it off each otherse shoulders, laugh it off and know you’ll do better for one another. Maybe make a pact that everytime someone says something negative about marriage, you two kiss! HAHA Wouldnt that blow some minds, or say something like “Well that sucks for you guys!”.
Post # 7
We got a lot of are sure you want to do that kinda thing. A lot of my friends are diorced and all tell me how hard it is. My married friends all tell me how if and when thier husbands die they would never get married again. All joyus things like that. I blow them off. I am an older bride and I waited a long time I am pretty sure I got it right and not worried about it. lol Kinda when you tell people you are pregnant women want to tell you all the horror stories. I am very happy for you two and I am sure you will be extremely happy!
Post # 8
Some people just have miserable lives and don’t want to see anyone else’s happiness. Take what they have to say with a grain of salt. At my workplace there are a bunch of women who are constantly complaining about their husbands and seem suprised that I don’t hate my husband like they hate theirs. It’s like they can’t believe that someone could have a happy marriage.
Personally I think that marriage is wonderful and it just comes down to what you make of it! Congrats on your engagement!
Post # 9
Nobody gave us rude comments. But nobody from his immediate family, except one sister, congratulated us on our engagement or even asks us about the wedding. He’s the youngest of 13! His mom waited 6 weeks before saying anything about the wedding, and it was to ask if she was going to be making the cake. Of course, she had to ask me instead of her son, and I had to be the one to tell her no. She nearly immediately called his voicemail saying how offended she is that she won’t be making the cake, and on and on and on…. Um, yeah. She may have made them professionally once upon a time, but she hasn’t made a decent cake that wasn’t dry the entire time he and I have been together… and there’s been a lot of cakes! I just ignored it, except to say now it’s a matter of principle since she threw a tantrum before I officially told her no.
People suck. Sucky people are unhappy. Unhappy people see a parade and head on over with their downpour. Bring an umbrella and galoshes. Dance in the puddles.
Post # 10
You guys need to brace yourselves to hear horrible things like this from people who are unhappy and bitter with their own marriages/ex-marriages. That’s the only excuse for it. People who are happy and who believe in good marriages will not say things like that. It really is annoying and you just wanna slap people sometimes, but I’ve learned to block them out while they’re talking.
Post # 11
hahaha..seriously. I think everyone gets the weird comments. I think I heard alot of the same kinds. I think people generally want to prepare you for the challenges of marriage. Alot of people go into marriage thinking it’s goin to be great and they bolt at the first sign of trouble…so..I think people have lost faith in it. You sound like a smart cookie and I’m sure you know it’s not going to be easy and people are right when they say the first years of marriage are the hardest….but you guys are in it for the long haul. Just ignore people.
Post # 12
People say the wierdiest most offensive things when it comes to weddings. Many people have been burned or rushed into things, and consequently crushed when marriage doesn’t turn out like a sweet Disney Movie.
Stay strong and let it roll of your back 😉
Post # 13
I’ve never even heard of the first year blues…and I don’t anticipate feeling them! just ignore htem, people just don’t want to be the only one who experience hardships, so they like to think everyone has the same problems.
Post # 14
I heard some comments like that from divorced people, and replied with a crisp “not all marriages are like that”. I also know a guy who regularly (3 or 4 times a week) asks me if I have cold feet yet. I finally told him that the joke had gotten really old.
Not everyone has been a jerk though. There was a guy who told me how hard marriage could get, and gave me a timeline of the toughest points. He was gentle and genuine and kind about it, not sarcastic or cynical. I was actually grateful for what he said, because no one else had actually
been “real” with me abt the whole marriage thing.
Sent from my Android
Post # 15
Personally, I would just ignore it. Let them try to rain on your parade, your happiness and good news is not a time for them to turn the conversation onto them. If they have ‘newlywed blues’, etc. they should deal with it appropriately, not by tarnishing your happy announcement.
Post # 16
I got those comments all the time when I was engaged. It didn’t help that I worked at a bar and had every other customer who saw my ring try to talk me out of it (both women and men). Ugh. I finally stopped wearing my engagement ring and just wore an everyday ring on that finger. Some people asked if that meant I was engaged and then would go off on their opinion of marriage, but it did help a lot. It sucks that I even had to resort to that, but it had gotten so bad and I didn’t want to have to keep defending my decisions. People seriously suck. Everyone’s marriage is not going to necessarily turn out like their bad experience. Our first year brought a lot of changes, but all and all it was great. Thankfully now that I have a wedding band, they leave me alone more or less. I get the occasional comment about ‘how I’m so young’ and ‘I can’t believe you’re married!’ (I’m 28, so no, not that young to be married…), but I guess they know they can’t talk me out of it anymore…
My advice is just do what you already did, just change the subject or ignore it. Oh, and have a short engagement. 😉