Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College
I was at a friend’s birthday party the other night – I don’t really travel in her circles, which tend to be a lot of moms, and many who are uber religious. I’m neither of those things.
We were sitting at a table chatting casually about relationships, when the lady next to me started her judgement train of “with him for 4 years and not engaged/married yet? You’re giving the milk away for free!” Ughhhhhhhh This after mentioning that we are planning to get married soon, and that we don’t live together yet.
I’m sure there could have been worse judgements made that day, but it really steams me to think this woman thought she had any right to level a judgement of my relationship – particulary since we had only just met.
So help me out here, let me hear your worst – I’m sure one day I’ll have more!
Post # 2
It sounds more like she was comiserating with you rather than casting judgment.
Post # 3
I’m not sure if this could be classified as ‘rude’ (certainly not as rude as yours!) but I certainly found it odd when multiple people said to me after I told them I was engaged “Oh.. I guess you’re going to have a really long engagement right?” I never knew how to respond besides “no… we will be getting married next summer!”
I guess people might think we are a bit young maybe? We were 23 when we got engaged and will be 24 when we get married, which is not really that young! I’m looking forward to hearing what some other people have had to hear!
Also: countless countless people have said when I show them my ring: “Oh.. is that your engagement ring?” I mean yes, I am engaged and it is on my ring finger. I guess sapphire erings are less common than I thought!
Edited: Oops sorry just realised this was supposed to be pre not post engagement rudeness!
Post # 4
lol. My fiance’s boss’s wife said to me “I bet you can’t wait to get married so you can be a kept woman.” AND SHE WAS NOT JOKING.
Post # 5
I’ve had a few clients at work give me ‘but the babies won’t look like yooouuuuuuu!’ since me and my guy are different ethnicities. Like, so what? I hope the kids do look like him, he’s gorgeous. (Don’t know how I’m going to discipline them if they get his puppy eyes, though :O.)
Post # 6
This was from a mutual friend of my now Husband and myself. He repeatedly told me” I don’t know why he is with you. He could do so much better than you. There are so many other girls at the bar that he could get that are better than you.”
Post # 7
Before engagement, after we’d been living together for 4 years: “You’ve been together how long and no ring? You know he’s just leading you on, right? Why should he marry you now, when he already gets everything he wants.” Because clearly, in this day and age, a man needs to move in and share a household with a woman in order to get sex… Eye roll.
After we got engaged: “Wow, I can’t believe it, finally! After all this time! I never thought he’d actually do it!” Yes, because I had clearly already given up “the milk”, so how shocking that my husband still wanted to marry me in my impure state. 🙂 People are freaking rude sometimes. To me, the only appropriate response to someone’s engagement news is “congratulations!” But maybe I’m old fashioned. 😉
Post # 8
We had been together for 5.5 years before Fiance popped the question, and in the months before he proposed I had so many people tell me to leave him because “if he hasn’t proposed before 5 years, he never will.” Um, we were still pretty young (I was 23 at the time), and I never thought that him not proposing was a red flag. Some people are so rude!
Post # 9
I got a lot of comments from grandparents, aunts/uncles, coworkers, acquaintances, and even my boss one time. We were together for 7 years before we got engaged. Mostly things like, “so why aren’t you married,” or “do you think he’ll ever commit to you?” (uh, we lived together for 6 years, that’s pretty committed?) or even, “you know you don’t have a whole lot of time left to decide on kids,” (I’m 26!). Some people just don’t know how rude they’re being!
Post # 10
There’s a miserable woman in my office and I try to take everything she says with a grain of salt because she’s mean to everyone. A couple of months before we got engaged she found out my Fiance is a doctor. She would say things like I have it made an never have to work again but in the next breath say that all doctors cheat on their spouses with their nurses. Yeah, cuz that’s exactly what I want to hear.
After we got engaged she called my ring “obnoxious”. Whatever.
Post # 11
I was with my SO for 8 years before he proposed (at 25 I might add so not even old and was certainly in no rush).
We moved in together when we were 23 and people started saying he’d never marry me cos I’d given him my goods without a ring etc etc. I got this kinda comment weekly. Also constant ‘oh, you’re STILL not engaged?’
Jokes on them cos my SO had always said he saw himself getting married at around 30. He told me moving in together cemented that I was definitely the one and sped up his proposal. LOL
We’ll be 26 when we get married in April next year. 🙂
I also have the biggest ring outta everyone I know even old ladies so HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Post # 12
mathiasenn : OMG! I hope that jerk wasnt invited to your wedding.
Post # 13
We’d been together 3 years when we got engaged, in our late 20’s
Pre-engagement: our neighbor said we needed to introduce ourselves to her kids as husband and wife because she doesn’t want them to think people sin. She told me if her daughter becomes a slut too it’s my fault.
Post-engagement: “are you pregnant or something?”-my coworker at the time
Post # 14
My husband and I got married very young – we met in University.
I finished school first, then worked while my husband finished his degree. After University I decided to go back to do a Masters degree, while my husband supported us
After my Masters was done, I found my dream job. Finally – 9 years after getting married – school was done, we both had great jobs, and we decided it was time for children (we were both 32 years old). I stopped birth control in September, I was pregnant in October. For Christmas I put a note saying we were expecting.
We went out to dinner with my husband’s grandparents. Hubby had lived with his grandparents for the first 2 years of university, so they were like his 2nd parents. We decided to tell them I was pregnant in person instead of having them hear it from a Christmas card.
I gave them their card and Christmas present, and told them I was expecting. Instead of a big “Oh that’s fantastic” like I expected; his grandmother said “Oh, we just assumed you were barren, not having children all these years!”
OMG! After getting over the shock of being told they thought I was ‘barren”, I got mad. Why was it ME that was the problem? Why wasn’t in their grandson that maybe had low sperm counts? Why is it always the woman who can’t have kids?
I learned much later that the whole family had spoken about the ‘tact’ that I couldn’t have kids. Not one person even considered we just wanted to be done University before we had kids.
Post # 15
When Darling Husband and I had been together about 4 years a male coworker randomly told me “if he wanted to marry he would have proposed already”… we were not talking about my relationship or anything remotely related to my relationship when he dropped that bomb 🙄