(Closed) Ruined enagagement

posted 9 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Can you ask for a hint from him when he plans on doing it? I asked my husband this when we decided to get married, and he gave me a timeframe. That helped a lot!

Just explain that the suspense is killing you, and that it doesn’t help all your family members know. I was in a similiar situation (EVERYONE knew but me), but because I had the timeframe, I was enjoying every minute of the anticipation.

I wouldn’t let it ruin this time for you guys. It will come when it comes, probably when you least expect it 🙂

Post # 4
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Since he is talking about it, I would ask him for a timeline.  After that, I would try to keep quiet about it.  When my husband was going to propose, I found that I had to stop asking him because whenever I did, he would deflect it and make a joke.

One thing I don’t understand is why are your family members planning your wedding without you?  That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, especially since you aren’t engaged yet.

You should check out Mr. Bee’s recent 3 step plan to get engaged: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged

It really is the truth (take it from someone who knows)!  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I was going to say just like MissAsB that you should also check out Mr Bee’s post on 3 step plan! I am curious as to why they are planning your wedding with you also! The number one mistake he made is telling you and everyone else about this soon to come proposal. I know everyday you are thinking is today it and when it doesnt happen its a definite let down. Try to be patient but I would also agree that maybe you should discuss a possible timeline with him. good luck!

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Tell everyone to stop! Tell Boyfriend or Best Friend he can’t talk about the engagement anymore as you are super frustrated.

Tell family to stop planning your wedding since you aren’t engaged. Don’t talk to anyone about anythign wedding related. Go away for the weekend with a Girlfriend.

Post # 7
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Don’t worry I am sure it will happen soon!  I kept bugging my fiance for years about it and he finally broke down and gave me a timeline.  To my surprise he ended up proposing before the timeline!  As long and you have talked about it I am sure its coming!  Try to relax, this should be a fun time not a stressful time!  There is no reason your family should be planning your wedding!  Its your day!

Post # 8
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never been in your particular situation but I’ve been stuck in waiting limbos before.  They can definitely be emotionally draining!  What always helped me was finding ways to occupy my mind.  If people continue to keep his impending proposal fresh in their mind, he won’t ever find the perfect time to make it a surprise (which is what he is planning, right?).  This is a big step for both you AND him.  Might I also suggest telling everyone to ease up on planning YOUR big day and wait for the bride to join in?!  Wink  Other people planning my wedding would definitely make waiting difficult.  That’s not fair to you, in my opinion. 

Lastly, is this something you can discuss with SO?  I’d sit down with him and express your every thought and maybe his feedback will be enough to settle your nerves?  It’s very possible that he already has a ring, is waiting for it to come in, or has a date set to buy it, etc.  If he’s dead set on proposing, I’m more than positive he has a plan of his own brewing.  I’d say that as long as your SO has a clean record of being true to his word, take a break from the overwhelming anticipation and let him come around. 

Post # 9
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

I kinda went through a similar situation where he had the ring I knew and he kept telling everyone about it, but didn’t want them to know I knew…..I went crazy for 2 months with all the inquiring calls of updates on my life…I began to go crazy and grew quite resentful of the situation.  Eventually I decided it wasn’t worth the stress and just put the focus on the relationship and bam proposal finally came when I wasn’t even thinking about it….I am sorry that you are going through this tough wait and I hope that your Fiance understands why you feel the way you do…I hope your wait won’t be too much longer.

Post # 10
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Meg,

Yea I totally understand what you mean. My fiance now, at the time two weeks ago, kept talking about it for months, and I had no clue when it would happen. It was almost more torturous having him talk about it than not say anything at all. He even told me he told his co-workers about how he will propose and all that good stuff. Hang in there! I think if he’s talking about it, he’s just making sure you are aware it will happen…just ask for a time frame. Knowing that won’t make it so hard to wait.

 

Post # 11
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was there!

My Fiance had us WORKING ON A GUEST LIST. I’m not even kidding.

Before he proposed, we had that, a possible venue… ugh. I’d get to the point where I’d say “I’m not doing any more until you actually propose!” and then two days later, we’d talk about it, get excited about it again, and start planning. Again.

It sucked. Totally. Sucked. I felt drained, I felt I was being lead on some sort of twisted wild goose chase. I even started trying to predict when he’d do it (one night he promised a romantic dinner/evening. Turned out it was a surprise bowling party in celebration of my college grad. Imagine the look on my face.)

Point is, he finally did it when he was ready. We were on the golf course with my parents, and I was teasing him about what exactly he had to do before he would propose. Little did I know, he actually asked my step father for my hand that day on the course, and two weeks later, he proposed on a hill at sunset over looking the city. It was beautiful.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And he still teases me that planning has gone so well because we were so prepared. I usually punch him in the arm when he says that, though. 😀

 

It’ll happen in time, dear.

Post # 13
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

ooo ring shopping “EXCITING”! fingers crossed for any day now…least its on the cards!

Post # 14
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was about to say that maybe he feels overwhelmed that you have your dress already but then I saw that he’s telling his friends and family. 

In this case, I would ask him for a timeline.

 

Well I’m thinking about it a little more.  Maybe he’s telling everyone that he planning on proposing.  So he is getting everyone excited about it.  The people that he is telling may in turn be freaking him out about wedding costs, just by talking about the wedding. (Which can be overwhelming.. i know.) Maybe he’s thinking about the cost of the wedding and then the cost of the ring.

I don’t know… just an idea. 

Anyway, I just went into my what ifs…haha. I do that A LOT. Sorry.

Yeah, ask him for a timeline.

 

Post # 15
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I went through a similar situation. My Fiance dangled a ring in front of my face for 6 months. I was absolutely fed up with waiting, and I voiced my opinion and was engaged within two weeks. Granted, he proposed to me while I was peeing, but it was still what I’ve always wanted, a ring.

It sounds to me like he wants to marry you, but might be having some money or commitment issues, that’s why he’s taking so long to take action. Or, maybe he’s already gone ring shopping and is just waiting for the right day to propose. Are there any days coming up that are special to the two of you?

Post # 16
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

@meg444…

I’m in the same situation as you are!! It sucks sooo much! I have been with my bf for over 6 years now and we bought a band last april minus the diamond. That day we bought the band he promised me he would propose by march 2010 and guess what its almost feb 2010 and its still hasn’t happened. I feel mad, sad, and just pissed off at him some days. He has been telling me for almost 7 months its coming really soon… well he first told me that 7 months ago and it still hasn’t happened WTF?????? I understand why your mad!!! I told him if its not going to happen anytime soon then don’t keep saying that its going to happen soon, because all that does to a girl is get her really excited then nothing happens then it creates a fight!! Trust me i know what you mean. Then he told me the other night it will happen by march so then i’m kinda pissed becasue he just told me its going to happen in like 5 weeks, that kinda ruins the surprise…… Either way it will be a surprise, its going to be the best day of your life!!:) I know he says it will happen by march but to tell you the truth i don’t believe it!! Good luck

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