Ruined friendship over wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9941 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive.  However, I do think you should let it go and not expect any kind of apology, because that’s not likely to happen.  There is no reason to stay in touch with this person any more, either, since your friendship had already faded before the wedding just let it fade away again.  That’s what I would do anyway.  I don’t do toxic people/relationships.  

FWIW, you went above and beyond your duties for her wedding and she did and does owe you a huge thank you.  But some people are just really self-centered and self-absorbed.  She probably doesn’t even think she did one thing wrong.  Just put her behind you and focus on your own fabulous life.

Post # 3
Member
10543 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I would let the friendship fade. I wouldn’t expect or ask for an apology as it wouldn’t likely be heartfelt.

Post # 4
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
beth2148 :  Seems like you took a lot on yourself without being asked.  Maybe she felt that you were controlling, and perhaps to her being chosen as a maid of honor was enough.  Some people are not communicators and she may have projected the stress of the whole event on you.  Maybe you are someone she didn’t think she needed to spend a lot of time thanking because you weren’t the source of her insecurity re low guest count. 

To be perfectly honest, you might not be compatible people. 

Post # 5
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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beth2148 :  You are not being overly sensitive. Her behavior would hurt and/or annoy most people. I agree with PPs that you shouldn’t hold your breath for an apology and honestly, would it help that much anyway? She already used you and treated you like crap. “Oh, sorry” is not going to erase that. I would just let the friendship (if there is one) fade. No big loss to you.

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bridetobe2018 :  “Seems like you took a lot on yourself without being asked.  Maybe she felt that you were controlling” — Where in the world does this come from? Nothing she said even hints that this might be the case. The bride liked the idea of getting gifts at a shower, the bride wanted Nashville for a bachlorette party, and the bride assumed OP would retun the tuxes. What exactly do you think she was taking on without being asked?

Post # 6
Member
765 posts
Busy bee

You went above and beyond for someone who isn’t a super close friend. You are a saint. And she should be on her knees thanking you, but she won’t. So I’d move on. 

You are Bryce Dallas Howard in that one Black Mirror episode. You went above and beyond and your childhood friend wasn’t even grateful and used you as a prop because she probably doesn’t have any real friends. I’m sure I’ll get some flack for this, but whenever a bride’s maid of honor is a childhood friend who she lost touch with over the years or isn’t part of her adult life I always wonder if that’s because the bride has already burned through all of her adult friendships. Grad school, college, high school friends ok. But when we are digging back to childhood to someone you barely keep in contact with, well, you just have to wonder why. 

Post # 7
Member
13656 posts
Honey Beekeeper

She sounds awful, and my guess is you were not treated this way by accident. I wonder if she was annoyed about something having to do with those  parties she demanded be thrown by you in her honor. Which was rude to begin with. 

I don’t think there is anything wrong, after she is settled and at home, with saying you got the impression she was upset with you about something. Best case scenario there is something that happened earlier that you weren’t aware of. But I doubt it. 

Post # 8
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
Daisy_Mae :  Relax child.  My thoughts were in response to OP spending hours a week decorating.  Unclear whether she was asked.  She was “expected” to throw a bridal shower – by whom?  Was she actually asked or did she assume?  Returning tuxes the next day.  Unclear if she was asked.  

Post # 9
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
beth2148 :  I don’t think you’re being over sensititive. You say she’s a childhood friend that you’d lost touch with, perhaps she’s just not the same person you remember her to be and you’ve now seen her true colors. OR, the wedding really stressed her out and she became a bit of a bridezilla.

I doubt you’ll get an apology, or a thank you for all of your hard work after that fact. I’d probably let this go, I likely wouldn’t make much of an effort to keep the friendship going but I’d be open to hanging out if she reached out. If she continues to be a total bitch, then I’d cut her off.

It does seem weird to me that she asked you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor if you really weren’t good friends anymore and hadn’t kept in regular contact? And also a lot of her guests didn’t show up?? Maybe she is just a shitty person…

Post # 10
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Dear Bee, I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive. I do believe it’s clear your friend has things to work on, though. Why would she ask a childhood friend she’s not really that close to anymore to be her MOH? Why did some (many?) of her guests didn’t even bother to show up to her wedding? I believe this is someone who clearly has issues retaining friendships and she perhaps just took advantage of your good/kind nature. I wouldn’t even assign too much value to the FB post- that’s just a facade, a way of her trying to make others think she’s someone she isn’t. While I doubt you’ll get the “thank you” you deserve, rest assured in the fact you acted on your good nature while she did on her worst, which makes you a better human than she is. Best of luck, Bee!

Post # 11
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee

You mentioned you lost touch with the bride but she made you her MOH? That would have been my first clue and i would have been VERY hesitant rekindling that friendship and being the MoH. In light of how she has treated you it looks like she got back in touch to use you for her wedding and nothing more. 

I think this is pretty common. If someone I used to be good friends with conveniently wanted to be friends again right before their wedding? I’d be super suspicious and try to figure out their intentions before taking on a ton of work for them with the planning and executing. Sorry this happened to you, you sound like a very kind giving person. 

If I were you I’d tell her you were hurt and bail on that friendship. 

 

View original reply
beth2148 :  

Post # 15
Member
47436 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think she behaved poorly. On the other hand, people can only take advantage of you to the extent that you let them. You let her.

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