Ruined friendship

posted 3 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
12628 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m not sure how you think you handled things badly. I wouldn’t have asked her either. Let the chips fall where they may. Are you saying you tried to give her a consolation prize of some kind and she was offended by that? 

Post # 3
Member
2304 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I mean, this doesn’t sound like a particularly healthy friendship anymore. Do you really feel that badly that your friend wants a time out, or are you more shaken by the confrontation itself? I mean, will you miss your friend’s company, or do you just hate that it ended (or paused) on a bad note?

 

You sound like an extreme people pleaser. I think once you get some distance from this friend, you will find that her continuing to give you space is a good thing.

Post # 4
Member
6768 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Worriedbride321 :  your ‘friend’ fought with you over a hypothetical wedding. Who is surprised that she threw a tantrum over the real wedding as well? Do not try to make amends, she’s a child. Kiss that friendship goodbye. You may be anxious and upset now but in a couple of years you’ll be glad you did. 

Post # 5
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

It sounds like your friend is more interested in a position in your wedding than she is in your friendship. Good riddance. You should never feel guilty or ashamed of making your wedding what you want, and if your friend wants to “pause” your friendship over this, I suggest you hit the delete button on it. A friend should support you in your choices, not throw a tantrum when she doesn’t get what SHE wants for YOUR wedding. Peace out on that drama. 

Post # 6
Member
3085 posts
Sugar bee

Worriedbride321 :  It sounds like your friend was the one who handled things poorly. This is your choice and you certainly arent obligated to have anyone in your wedding.

And even if she was that upset, she has blown the whole thing out of water. This could have been handled by a simple conversation, but if she wants to the friendship over this, she doesnt seem like a very good friend. 

Post # 7
Member
8962 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Worriedbride321 :  Do you mean you asked one friend to be a bridesmaid and the other friend to be a witness (but not bridesmaid) and the witness friend is now so upset that she’s not speaking to you? It doesn’t sound like she’s a good friend to begin with. Multiple “big rows” over the past few years? I haven’t had a row with a friend since college. If you’re rowing that often, maybe you’ve outgrown each other (or you’ve outgrown her). And now she’s behaving like a child again. I would just let this friendship fade. It’s sad that your wedding was the final straw but honestly, good riddence to her.

Post # 8
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It sounds like you two were no longer as close and I think you were right in not asking her to be a bridesmaid. I wouldn’t want someone whom I can no longer be myself standing next to me on my wedding day.

Are you upset that the friendship is “officially” over? From your post, I felt like you wanted to distant yourself from her anyway. If that’s the case, give yourself time to mourn the end of this friendship, but eventually, time will tell you that you did the right thing by moving on from her. Don’t let her trouble your thoughts and focus on your true friends.

And seriously, I cannot believe she argued with you years prior about you potentially not having bridesmaids. Really??

Post # 9
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Just a quick question… does the “witness” stand up there with you and the bridesmaid? Would it have made literally any difference to have made her a bridesmaid rather than a witness (aside from, perhaps, a matching dress)? Something to consider, I suppose. I assume this problem could’ve been nipped in the bud if you’d just made them both bridesmaids. 

At any rate, if you wanted to have “matching sides” with your fiance (i.e. one attendant and one witness), then okay. (Though, again, I assume the male witness would be wearing a suit akin to the groomsman and/or could easily wear a matching suit to the groomsman, so…not sure why your fiance made the initial distinction). 

THAT SAID, your friend behaved childishly, for sure, and it sounds like this friendship is better off dead. I’m sorry you’re feeling so shitty, though — that’ll probably last for a while. But people lose friends pretty frequently, but so too do we make new friends frequently. Look toward the future, Bee! 

Post # 11
Hostess
3956 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Worriedbride321 :  It sounds like your “friend” is just not a good person.  One of my close friends (she was one of my bridesmaids) has told me before that she would have me be her Maid/Matron of Honor once she got married.  Lately, she’s been thinking she might have a small wedding and no bridesmaids at all.  I would never think of getting angry with her or arguing over it – it’s her wedding!  You definitely made the right decision to have your closer friend be the only bridesmaid.  I’m sorry you’re going through this; it’s always hard to have friendships not be what you thought they were. 

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