(Closed) Ruined my own proposal, now I feel like a bitch (Long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Congrats!  I just think some guys don’t realize that they should plan something extraordinary, you know?  They focus on the actual asking and less on what goes on before and after it.  Doesn’t mean he loves you any less.

 At least that’s how my Fiance was.  His proposal was extremely heartfelt but pretty damn random (in my work hotel room where he was visiting, as we were getting ready to go grab some dinner after I had just come back from the field all dirty and hungry).    He just didn’t want to wait any longer.  Now we laugh because any hotel room seems like “The One”, since they all look alike.

PS – An I Dream of Jeanie costume?  haha, that’s awesome.

Post # 19
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

This kind of happened to me too…I’m a very theatrical person, I have a flair for the dramatic and it’s just who I am.  Mr. 99 loves this about me, I spirit us away from time to time on little trips to some secluded chalet, have a violinist play for us while a personal chef whips up our dinner…it’s just a talent I have.

I always thought that my proposal would be some magical, emotional, special moment that I remembered and treasured for a lifetime…what actually happened was Mr. 99 holding my ring in between his big Lincoln Loggy fingers, so it looked like a pebble, asking me, “Can we do this now?” as I tried to get out of my coat & boots, while avoiding tripping over the dogs and not spilling the ice cream we got on the way home….wow did that SUCK!

I finally worked up the courage to tell him that it was kind of eating me…mind you that took a year and a half AFTER we were married…he asked, “What about it bothers you, because it’s not like I can re-do it.”  I thought about it, and replied, “I’m a married lady now, have been for iver a year, and I still have yet to hear the love of my life say, Nona, will you marry me?  while he’s down on one knee…..THAT is what bothers me.”

We didn’t really talk about it after that, honestly I felt better about it, and silly at the same time, I mean, it’s a moment in time…but still…it’s the only moment I would ever get…so I see both sides of it.  And one romantic trip we were on, Mr. 99 drops to one knee, pulls a box out of his pocket and said, “Nona…I’m an asshole, I’m inconsiderate and I snore, but I love ou more than the waking world, will you still be my wife?”

Of course I said yes, he gave me a locket which I love and from now on, all jewelry is presented to me on bended knee, to make up for the one time I needed him to do that, and he didn’t.

I hope you find a way to make this work, it took a long time for me to feel better about it, but I do feel better about it….it’s ok!

Post # 20
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not trying to be rude so please don’t take this that way.

I don’t think you should expect people to put as much effort into things as you do. It’s not very realistic of you to do something for people and then expect the same from them, because if that’s the case you’re not doing it from your heart, you’re doing it to get something back. I have a friend who sends greeting cards for every holiday and then even random days, she goes all out for gifts or suprises, she’ll make you a scrapbook of all the good times you’ve shared, etc..  always the most thoughtful things. She knows though that she can’t expect that back from people because most people aren’t like that.

You’ve been taught due to the Wedding Industrial Complex that a man is supposed to roll out the red carpet for a proposal. You see proposal videos now where the guy enlists the help of every person he’s ever met to help sing and dance a song so he can propose and there’s doves flying and DIY decorations, and a videographer, and the sunset is perfect, and there’s a limo, and champagne etc… Most men aren’t like that, and that doesn’t mean he loves you any less. I love WB, but this site shoves that stuff in your face. You can’t let it get you down because the fact is a man you love and want to spend your life with wants the same thing. That should be enough. If it’s not, then maybe you’re with the wrong guy.

Post # 21
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had never heard of this carefully orchestrated proposal stuff before this site (except for on the jumbotron at a ball game or something).  It just doesn’t seem like something anyone would do in real life!!

Why is how the proposal occurs so important to a lot of girls?  Isn’t it enough that he is asking you to marry him?  Well, obviously not or there wouldn’t be so many posts like this.  I just don’t get why it has to be some big production.  I mean, getting engaged is a big deal, but why is the proposal a big deal?  Most people already know it’s coming anyway.  Save the big deal for the wedding.  Getting engaged just means that you’re formally planning the wedding anyway.

Post # 23
Member
3139 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Women have dreamed of a proposal all thier lives and want to be so moved and in some ways you definitely got that from your own proposal. what you should be concentrating on is the amazing emotional and traditional connection that you were presented with. Engagement is not about money or the potential dramatic presentation of it. The fact tht he too has chosen to spend his life with you and propose back is all that matters !!!

Post # 24
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would try to look at it from a different perspective: he chose a quiet, intimate moment to give you his mother’s ring. I think that’s sweet!

I couldn’t even tell you what my Dear Fiance said right before he asked me to marry him, because I wasn’t paying attention and when I finally caught on to what he was doing, he reached into his pocket for the ring and one of his shirt buttons popped off and I dropped to the floor to find it.

I think the intention to spend the rest of your lives together is more important than how that intention came to be.  Dear Fiance decided he was going to ask me last January, and he did it when we went on vacation this past May. He wanted to surprise me and I am the ultimate surprise ruiner, so he did the bare minimum in planning, which is totally cool because he owned that moment. His Mom gave him some old gold jewelry to sell to buy me a ring, so he used one of those rings to propose. He knows better than to shop for me! He pretty much only told his Mom, my Dad (and he almost accidentally told my grandmom, who would have told me lol), his boss, and his hairdresser. He asked as soon as we got to our hotel room, and we enjoyed our trip. That’s all I needed. We don’t have an over-the-top romantic gestures relationship, so an over-the-top proposal wouldn’t have been us.

Post # 25
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that we as woman get all hyped up from these wedding shows that everything needs to be spectacular. As long as you end up with the someone you love, how he asks, what you wear or what your mother in law thinks of everything doesnt really matter.

 

Post # 26
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

When I had envisioned my man proposing to me, I imagined us in a high-end restauraunt or a beautiful garden, me in a flowing dress… Even before the man came into my life, I knew that I wanted it to be special and romantic like that.

My husband proposed to me in an airport after I flew 12 hours to visit him. I was wearing comfortable leggings and a baggy t-shirt. He was in sweat-soaked cammies. It was hardly a romantic setting, but when he got down on one knee, that stopped mattering. What a way to kick off our visit. 

Men are not not as planning-oriented as women are. They like making gestures to show they love us, and that they care, but they like to get straight to the point.

 

Post # 28
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sorry you feel bad… As a woman i find hard to figure out where this need for elaborate theatrics comes from.  Whatever they have on TV is just TV, don’t let it brainwash you.  Proposal is about 2 people being at their most authentic and sharing a meaningful moment in their lives, if that’s not moving and emotional enough then I don’t know what is.  It doesn’t need to be a Cirque de Soleil production, unless that’s really who both of you are personality-wise.

Post # 29
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You proposed in a big fancy way, and wonder why he didnt propose in a similar way? Because you already had a proposal! You proposed to him! He would feel pretty silly going all out, when you are already engaged! 

Post # 30
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@notestasiskis:  I hope I don’t sound like a bitch – but get over it.  He asked.  That’s what matters. 

Post # 31
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@notestasiskis:  don’t use money as a benchmark and compare. It’s the thought that counts. The more you try to compare the more you are trying to downplay his effort of creating a nice proposal. Maybe in his mind, it is the perfect proposal to him.

 

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