Ruined my proposal. Would love some advice

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

There is going to be one day you will look back and laugh at this. Yes, that may seem crazy but that is what you will do. 


If it helps, the day I was proposed to you, yes I was surprised but do feel like I might have pressured him (or more so my family pressured him…my mom told him the first week we were dating that we should get married. The freakin first week! Talk about putting pressure on the guy.)


Anyway a few years later, he used his great grandmother’s engagement ring that was made specifically for her to propose to me with. It was a customized ring that his great grandfather made for her. No stones but a petrified June bug was on top of a gold band. It fit, I wasn’t too crazy about the ring at the moment but was so over the moon to be engaged that I didn’t care.


Well, guess what, that same evening, I broke the darn thing. Went to go put my hands in my pockets because it was cold outside and the ring hit my pocket and the bug pretty much disintegrated. Lo and behold, I started crying my eyes out I felt so darn bad that I ruined a wonderful family heirloom and proposal.


However, years later now with my own custom ring, I decided to get the heirloom piece fixed. Looks great now with a malachite center stone where the bug used to be, and I only wear that ring on special occassions. I didn’t ruin my proposal, but I did make it memorable and now laugh about it.


I will advise you though, a proposal is great and symbolic but it is no where as big as the committment. That is the part I remember the most is my hubby wanting to spend his life with me. And also, take a deep breath. The guy loves you so much that he is willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, even going ahead with the proposal. Maybe you could do something else to make the upcoming proposal special for him too? Maybe go somwhere he would rather go or both you and him compromise and make a wonderful evening out of it.

Post # 17
9633 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

so you know it’s happening, but you don’t know how.

i knew the date of my proposal.  my ring wasn’t ready and DH asked me if i wanted to wait or if he should propose.  i already considered us engaged, but he wanted the grand gesture. 

so i knew it had to be one of 2 weekends when he told me i should get my nails done (he used my mother’s engagement ring as a stand in), which was strange because i was getting them done on a regular basis at the time anyway.

but anyway, i knew the when, but didn’t know the how and it was still magical.

Post # 17
3359 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You didn’t ruin anything!!! You’ll still have a great proposal and marriage. It’ll be a great story to tell your kids if you have any. 

Post # 18
686 posts
Busy bee

I’m raging at your family on your behalf!

second what all PPs are saying – it will of course still be special. 

And I bet you’re way more kicking yourself about it now than he is disappointed his surprise was ruined, so put yourself ymoutbof that misery and focus on thinking of some cute way to surprise him instead!

Post # 19
1452 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You did not ruin anything. You ADDED days of sweet anticipation to the day of the proposal, which will still be very special. In fact more so according to science:

“Intuitively, killing the surprise seems like it should make a narrative less enjoyable. Yet research has found that having extra information about artworks can make them more satisfying, as can the predictability of an experience.”

: )

Post # 20
2610 posts
Sugar bee

it doesn’t make you a terrible person at all. Some people like to be a part of planning their future and knowing what’s coming, rather than being surprised about a major life decision.

Everyone is different, but I’m a planner and a stress ball too so I wanted to be involved in the timeline more than some. It’s very sweet of your boyfriend to understand that and include you rather than continue torturing you with the secret. It will definitely still be special! 

Post # 21
22 posts

I agree with everyone … I’m also an inpatient person so I get you … but to me what’s beautiful about your story is that he could have continued not telling you anything but because he doesnt want you upset he told you – says a lot about how much he loves you. Besides the surprise isn’t ruined because you don’t exactly know how it will happen, so just be patient and let the weekend flow as normal and enjoy your day and the moment he has planned. I was thinking the same thing pp that you can get him a ring as a way of surprising him too. Dont be so hard on yourself and enjoy your special moment and please come back and show us pics of your ring 😁 

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors