Post # 1
long time lurker, first time poster.
so me and my SO have been together for nearly 6 years. I talked about timelines and he knew I was getting impatient.
we argued yesterday about his commitment and how it sometimes appears vague and sometimes it’s very clear.
Long story short – he told me he had been vague so he wouldn’t give it away too much and he also said that he had been planning to propose on holiday next year at a holiday destination we adore and how even some of my Xmas gifts were linked to it – ie a photo frame he would note would be useful for our next ventures etc…
i feel terrible, because what he described would literally have been 100% perfect in my mind.
I feel so downbeat and he told me not to worry as he will try to think of something else within 7 months! At least this time there is no vagueness on where I stand and he isn’t acting hot and cold about a proposal (something which led to me questioning him).
any advice about how to get over it? I feel I will regret this forever and cannot help but feel terrible. Luckily to my SO the lifetime part matters more to him, but for women I think the day means a lot too….he’s told me not to worry but I can’t help but ponder if I’ve literally lost out on the best planned proposal ever as it matched my ideal scenario 🙁
EDIT- just to clarify I think I have ruined it. The SO is still happy about planning something else.
SO now says he can do it earlier which he ideally would’ve liked but was holding out for that holiday as it’s a special place to us.
Post # 2
If it was the best planned proposal ever why not just go with it? Why does it have to be a surprise that two adults agree to spend their lives together?
You didn’t ruin anything–you can now relax knowing that you are both headed in the same direction.
Post # 3
Another I ruined my proposal post….great. bottom line is he didn’t have to say anything to you and any man who blames his gf “for ruining his proposal” when he gave away the details himself is lame af.
Post # 4
I say let him still do it. Now you’ll be excited for every minute of these adventures.
Post # 5
Sounds like he’s just making things up to get you to stop questioning and stay with him. It’s for next year anyway-not even this year!!!
Post # 6
Aww. Try not to feel bad! It sounds like he was going back in forth in conversation to throw you off, but obviously, that created an issue. (Have you ever watched Friends? Yes, it’s a tv show, but Monica and Chandler still had a romantic proposal after almost ruining things!) It will be okay! Just try to relax and enjoy the adventure. Let him propose how he wants, even if that means it’s no longer a big surprise. I know that might not be too helpful, just try not to worry too much. He didn’t have to spoil the whole plan, but now that you know, you can focus on the future you two will have together. 🙂
Post # 7
it sounds like a bunch of crap TBH.
when i discovered that my fiance had the ring from the jeweler, i begged to just take a peek for 5 seconds and then he didn’t have to show it to me until the proposal, i was just so excited.
he planned to propose at sunset on the beach, he mentioned a few months previous.
when he saw me kicking my feet and so excited when he turned around to show me the ring, he just knelt down and proposed in his bedroom.
i “ruined” his plan, but he just couldn’t wait when he saw how happy i was in the moment.
he’ll do it when he feels like it, if he feels like it, and if he doesn’t its because he doesn’t want to. not because its ruined.
Post # 8
He ruined it by telling you. You didn’t ruin anything. Why would he wait another year and try to drop hints through gifts in the meantime? It’s been 6 years and he wants to wait another just to propose on holiday? It seems cruel to put you in that position, especially if it’s been a point of contention before.
Post # 9
And here’s another one who decided to gaslight the crap out of you.
He decided to ruin this proposal period. You didn’t, you simply asked for clarification of his commitment and if he has a timeline. He could have said I am committed I have a timeline, You can anticipate us taking the next stage in oru relationship barring an emergency by blank date at the lastest.
Post # 10
This sounds like an excuse by him. You gave him a hard time for not proposing so he made up some story about how a Christmas gift of a frame was linked to your proposal next holiday season?? This sounds like BS.
Post # 11
the da vinci code: proposal edition
Post # 12
Yeah how exactly does a picture frame link to a proposal? That could literally be linked to anything.
And if the guy’s so sure he wants to propose to you now then wtf doesn’t he just do it NOW? Why wait a year especially since you’ve been together for 6. Forget the big romantic gesture at this point.
Post # 13
He’s the one who “ruined” the surprise. It would have been just as easy to tell you that he’s 100% committed without giving anything away.
When two people agree to be married, that makes them engaged. The rest is just window dressing. Being that you’ve been having these discussions he easily could have asked if a proposal sooner rather than later matters more than some grand gesture.
Post # 14
I’m sorry your SO is such a big baby that the only way to deal with this confrontation was to ruin the surprise for you, rather than act like an adult.