(Closed) Ruined proposal and everything about it… so far. Help!

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think I’m really confused about what got messed up and what he was upset about??

Post # 4
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I”m confused as well. Grandma made an off the cuff comment, why does this have to ruin your engagement? I hope he normally doesn’t behave like this, as he was extremely rude to you, and took his anger out on you. His behavior is childish and if anyone ruined anything it would be him and not his family.

He lucky to have you because you seem really calm with a level head. I would have been beyond pissed off if my Fi behaved like that.

Post # 5
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you messed anything up, it sounds like his family screwed up by ruining the surprise. Maybe he slept all day because he was embarrassed his family let the cat out of the bag.

He can still propose, still ask you to marry him. At the end of the day, no matter he does it, you’ll be engaged. Do you love him? Would you have said yes? Not every moment in life is picture perfect. No matter what happens, we need to make the best of it. You knew it was coming, so its not like a complete surprise was ruined.

Good luck to you! Hopefully he stll comes through and asks you the question in July 🙂

Post # 6
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ah mine is awkward at picking jewelry out too. I don’t think he’s as bad as your guy, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, but I think this will stop feeling like such a tragedy in a day or two. First of all, I don’t think his inability to pick out jewelry and propose properly has anything to do with his ability to be a loving and supportive husband. There are much worse shortcomings he could have. Secondly, I think if you two agree to give it a little more time and get engaged over the next month, he could come up with something decent and enough time will have passed where you won’t have to feel like yesterday’s events overshadowed everything. 

Post # 7
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I also am confused. Is he mad that you knew the ring was delivered (because he should have known you would know,) or is he mad that your disappointed? If that is the case then he is just being unfair….

Post # 8
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am also confused.

Post # 9
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Here’s the thing, things happen. Expectations get ruined namely when we make them too high.

Do I wish my proposal had been different? Yes, absolutely. I made him propose again two more times and honestly it wasn’t exactly what I wanted. The fact is not everyone is imaginative or romantic enough in that way, but then it’ll show through somewhere else. 

As for the ruined memory, I get it. I wanted “will you marry” spelled out on food or something but what I literally got was him saying he didn’t want to wait til the next day to show me so he got up naked out of bed and did it right then and there >.< Knowing that he’s not creative, I thought he’d ask me for advice or google it or something but he didn’t. I know I’m generalizing but sometimes guys just don’t really think out these details. It doesn’t mean it’s a bad sign necessarily. 

Post # 12
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Lots of women are involved in picking out their own ring. And sometimes proposals don’t go the way they are meant. I don’t think that any of that qualifies as “ruined”. Now, if you’re having doubts that he’s ready for this step, then I think you should explore that. But I think these are really separate issues here.

Post # 13
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012


YES it’s lame that he got you to not only choose your own ring, but to handle the business transaction. (a man should be able to do this on his own)

YES it sucks that he leaked it to his family and his Grandma spoiled the suprise.

YES it hurts that he sulked off, slammed the door and slept the day. (immaturity bells are going off in my head)

But if you still want to marry this guy, then HE’S the lucky one and should figure out a way to make this up to YOU, not be a jerk and a baby and figure he doesn’t need to propose and make that special memory because you already know he’s going to do it.

Him and his family messed this up, not you.

Post # 14
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mtnhoney:  +1

Except I don’t think Grandma is at fault. If anything, she sounds really supportive and genuinely excited for you two. 

Sorry things didn’t go as planned. I hope your eventual proposal is memorable.

Post # 15
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Trust me: give him time & let him do it his way.  If you want it to include something special TELL HIM (guys just like to be told things flat out). It won’t make it any less special! And it won’t be perfect (no one’s is), but it will be wonderful! Just let this day pass as a memory and let it be overshadowed by the beautiful memories you will have in the coming time.

Post # 16
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, let him do it in his own way.

My advice is to act like it didn’t even happen. If he wants to address it, let him. But don’t sulk around until he addresses. He’s embarrassed and he knows he acted badly. But the best thing you can give him is forgiveness. So let it go, don’t mention it. 

Make sure the ring was actually delivered, though, if you don’t really know. You don’t want it to have gotten lost. Call the company and make sure. Once you know that, just let it go until he’s ready to do it his way or bring the topic up himself.

Treat him fine, as if this just didn’t even happen.

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