Post # 1
3 years together after being highschool sweet hearts, and having a child together who is now 1, my boyfriend decided to pop the question and i ruined it.
i had a hunch it was happening but wasnt sure based on the ideas he was having throughout the day. our anniversary was yesterday and he took me to a nice dinner and then went for a walk at this tea garden with a beautiful scenory. Being that it was during the day it was packed, and i get major anixety when all eyes are on me from strangers. i knew my boyfriend was also terrified and he didnt know how to do it, he pulled the box out of his pocket when we had a moment alone for like a second, and looked at me for reasurance and showed me the ring box. I told him “not here” but i was extremely happy, i just get anixety. I knew he felt just beaten up about it, we had a little spat how it went down. I was nervous going back to his familys home knowing that they knew, but i ruined it.
i want to make this memory better, and find a way to show him that i am sorry for the moment being ruined. He wanted something around family. what should i do? how should i plan a better moment to celebrate this special time?
Post # 2
Did you eventually say yes? Thats what matters.
I dont think the moment is ruined. I lot of people get very nervous when they are proposing or being proposed to and do/say funny things. I dont think what you said ruins anything. I think you should embrace it because it is how he proposed and how you reacted. I think it is kinda cute.
Post # 3
I said yes for sure. Since I knew it made him feel defeated, I wanted to plan something special in the weekend to show him how much it meant. Just wasn’t sure what feels right, or what feels like too much or too little. Around family or not.
Post # 4
I would just talk to him about it and explain that you were happy and are excited to be engaegd, but just felt a lot of anxiety and shyness in that moment because of all the people. I do not think you need a grand gesture, just communication. If he knows you and knows you get anxious when there’s a lot of attention, and he loves you, he should understand. If he is actually upset with you and continues to express that even after you explain, that’s a whole seperate problem you have!
FWIW I also am shy and hate attention on me. My fiance decided to propose in a busy restaurant with the waiter filming us (I thought it was just a photo). We now have an embarassing video of him getting down on one knee while I put my hand on my hip and say “Really?” in a super incredulous tone lol. It is what it is! We both have a sense of humor about it…whenever we see a romantic proposal on TV he will look at me and raise his eyebrow like “must be nice” lol.
Post # 5
Honestly, don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t believe in the concept of a “ruined proposal”. (For the most part, I’m sure there are probably some eally rare, edge case scenarios that would qualifty.)
I’m sure your BF/FI knows about your anxiety and isn’t fretting or obsessing over it.
Despite what the movies and social media shows us, most proposals are “underwhelming”: not surprises, not choreographed, no spontaneous weeping while flocks of swans dance.
Post # 6
I don’t think you ruined it, you said yes at the end! And it will be a funny story to tell in the future, plus I’m sure he understands why you got underwhelmed.
When my husband proposed we were supposed to run a marathon the next day, so I wanted just to eat and rest the day before which is when he proposed. He didn’t think it thoroughly and made my walk 3 kms on the beach while wearing platform so I wasn’t happy about, I was mad and stopped talking to him the whole walk because I didn’t wanted to do any unnecessary walk. At the end we reached to a part where he had set up a bench with flowers, champagne and harry potter themed stuff, but he was so nervous because I was mad that he forgot half of the speech and gave me the wrong box, etc.
At the end I said yes, we run the marathon and we keep laughing about it, surely it will make a good memory for you both.
Post # 7
Not ruined at all! And now you have a fun story to tell forever! My husband wanted to propose in this certain spot during sunset. Well he didn’t plan out the timeline of the day well and I was starving and we had go for dinner first. We went to the park, but not the spot he had planned as it was a bit of a hike and it was almost dark. It was still perfect to me! And now I think it’s funny to say that I threw it off because I had to eat 🙂
Edit for typos
Post # 8
don’t beat yourself up. It wasn’t really ruined. You said yes. Just explain what you have here to us. I’m sure once he hears it he’ll understand and maybe one day you’ll have a laugh about it together.
Honestly its the imperfect moments in life that make you a couple. My husband literally got so nervous he forgot the words he’d planned and to get on bended knee. Instead he showed me the ring and said ‘are you going to put this on?’. I still rib him about it now and slip in ‘are you going to put this on’ often into applicable life situations like handing him a t-shirt or a condom! 😂 We’ve been together 14 years and we are happily married and the funny proposal and imperfect moments are what make us ‘us’.
Maybe surprise him with a mangagement ring and propose to him to make up for the proposal.
Also, this whole thing wasnt really that much of a disaster and if you want a strong and long relationship, you both have to be capable of having the hard discussions and learn to find humour together. Life aint perfect and you are two separate people who need to learn to be one team. The latter is never going to go smoothly 100 percent of the time.
Post # 9
Well clearly it was ruined because of how he felt. He chucked up the guts to do it and it was blown off! Like a PP said, this will be a story to look back and laugh at…. EVENTUALLY!
For now, if hes looking for a better moment maybe propose to him. Make it special. Like not an actual proposal because that already happened but like get on your knees, buy something to present him with and say something cute like “i cant wait to have you as my hubby (my rock, my forever man) etc for the rest of my life.
Do it over dinner or during somethiing he enjoys
Post # 10
I find it odd he doesnt know you well enough to know you have anxiety and would hate this!?
Anyway it’s not ruined as I said if anyone stuffed up it was him
Post # 11
yea, didnt think of that…..
Post # 12
And if he has anxiety too then he should understand her reaction!?
Post # 13
I mean, after my husband proposed (we were together for 10 years by that point) all I said for the first few minutes where “Are you f*cking kidding me? Are you f*cking kidding me? ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!” just because it came as SUCH a huge happy surprise. I wanted to get married of course but I didn’t care when as we already owned a house together, had 2 kitties, and we were never having kids.
LOL, turns out he wasn’t “f*cking kidding me” and were were married 2 years later!
Post # 14
My fiance planned a romantic proposal by starlight at location of our first date – only there was a crowd of people there and he had to wait for them to go. And then it started raining, and I was ‘shouldn’t we go home now’. And when he finally got down on one knee, I said ‘quick, get up, you’ll ruin your trousers’. Oh, and the ring didn’t fit either. So hardly picture perfect. Didn’t stop it being the most romantic experience of my life in retrospect though! All that matters is that you said yes.
And as someone else has already mentioned, I’m puzzled as to why he chose such a crowded place when he knows you have anxiety. Maybe he bought into the idea that proposals have to be these amazing film-worthy scenes? Tell him that you’re sorry your anxiety got in the way of the response you’d have liked to have given him, and that you love him and can’t wait to be his wife. If he’s still miffed after that…that’s a whole other conversation to have, because your other half really needs to understand and accept your anxiety.
Post # 15
You could propose back to him? I think it’ll show him you do really want to be engaged and you can have another shot at a special moment.