(Closed) Rules for fighting? Anyone else have any?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

2 things would alarm me. I NEED to get pissed off and yell, swear, and rant and rage sometimes. So to me no yelling and no swearing are 2 rules I whole heartetdly will never impose. Otherwise, yes I agree whole heartedly with the rest.

Post # 4
3142 posts
Sugar bee


Wow!  I wish I could follow those rules when fighting!  We’d probably never fight!! πŸ™‚

We follow #2 of yours and we don’t belittle each other or swear to each other (you asshole/you bitch) but we sure as hell swear about the situation! (Oh for F sakes.. etc.) My Fiance swears a blue streak in French when he is mad at me.

I try to follow number 1 as well, because it overwhelms the real situation at hand far too often.

Post # 5
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Our biggest rule is to always fight fair. No using something you know will make the other person feel bad just to win.

For me: always give him a chance to respond. I can always talk more and faster so I have to pause and give him a chance to respond.

For him: say what you are thinking, don’t just shut down or agree with me to make it end.

Post # 6
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I sent this to my fiance after I read this, I like this guideline for good communication. 

Post # 7
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

No, but I like your rules.  I think I violate #1 a lot πŸ™

Post # 8
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We have implimented a new rule since he has left for school. Since we are in an ldr and when we talk, it is something precious to us both.

If it is something not worth fighting about or something petty, we have come up with a safe word. And when one of us says it, that is it…arguement over. If it still bothers us we can talk about it later. That word (or phrase rather) is Bubbly Squirrel…Not only does it work, but it helps lighten our mood because it makes us laugh.

*this photo has been altered…FH doesn’t look that weird hahah*

Post # 9
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Miss Peach Tree: Those rules would be good for us to use…I might have to bring that up tonight during our skype session πŸ™‚

Post # 10
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@thefuturemrsrowe: I 100% agree with everything you said except the not arguing in front of the kids. I think it would be really advantageous to them to see you guys resolving issues in such a healthy way – it will help them mirror it in their own conflict resolutions. I always wish that my parents had done that for me. I think it would have saved me from having to figure some of it out on my own!

Post # 12
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@thefuturemrsrowe: The truce bell is actually an old irish traditon πŸ™‚ My father has already asked me to pick out my bell so he can buy it as part of our present πŸ™‚

Post # 13
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

The only rule we have is that eventually… before we go to sleep, the issue needs to be resolved.

Post # 14
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I second everything crayfish said.  As a therapist with a concentration in marriage & family therapy, it is so so so important for children to see their parents argue constructively.  It would even be important for them to see you not argue constructively then realize you aren’t and say “honey, we need to go cool our jets for an hour and resume this later.”  This shows them what not arguing constructively is and how to fix it if it starts to happen.  You can’t know what not to do without seeing what not to do!

I agree with the majority of your rules and with us, we’ve never articulated them, but we’ve pretty much stuck to the ones you have, except swearing.  Ugh, just thinking about calling my SO a name makes me cringe!

Post # 15
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

We only have one thing we need to do in a fight.

He needs to process, and I need to walk away and let him do it. I want to work it out immediately, he needs a little time. When that time has passed, then we talk.


Post # 16
19 posts
  • Wedding: February 2011

We actually have similar “rules” but another one is that neither of us can ever said “let’s break up/get divorced/etc”. We have a few friends that fight like that, and I don’t understand how they can say those things to their partner, even if they are angry.

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