(Closed) Rumors led to physical fight with Future SIL – wanted to end life

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why do I have a feeling this might be one of those posts that gets remembered in an upcoming “most memorable threads in WB history” .

 

There’s no way this is real life. 

Normal, adult woman would have probsbly been upset at the comment and probably would have said “wtf are you talking about?!” but surely most wouldn’t have knocked out teeth. Thats a bit much. If I were “Beth” in this fictional story, you’d be arrested and a restraining order would have already been served to you.

Post # 33
Member
3694 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Maybe you guys can get a free flight to wherever they tape Springer or Maury before you go to jail, and try to work it out.

Post # 34
Member
3172 posts
Sugar bee

Hmm…actually now that I think of it, I could think of a few women who would resort to this. I used to teach high school in red neck country so yeah…it could be real.

Post # 35
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Whether this is a true story or not, I was surprised to find the vast majority of these responses to be berating and unhelpful, so I can only imagine how the OP feels. She said that she is depressed over the situation, no sense in kicking a girl while she is down. I thought we were here to support each other?

 

OP – I personally wouldn’t have handled the situation the way that you did but you can’t live for yesterday or tomorrow, all you’re truly living is today. Find a quiet place where you can be alone with your thoughts and dig deep as to where these reactions are coming from. If you truly love your Fiance then you will find a way to make it right. The only thing guaranteed in life is change.

Post # 36
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Well I wouldn’t have hit her, but I think that’s already been said here and doesn’t help you now. Do you think there’s a chance she could press charges? I would send Fiance in to smooth things over since there’s not really any way to repair this relationship at this point, and I think Beth won’t be willing to reason with you or accept an apology. She might be willing to reason with her brother.

After this is all behind you, try to avoid family functions with FI’s family. Force yourself to be polite and civil too should you have any contact, even if it’s very forced, and never let them get the better of your temper. She was probably trying to get a rise out of you, and she succeeded, so never give her the satisfaction again. Even if she starts screaming in your face, take a step back, and make a polite comment about the weather or something distractive. Maybe in time, they will accept that you are part of the family whether they like it or not, but it’s going to be a while.

Post # 37
Member
2898 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If he is even remotely close to his family (and it sounds like he is) I would walk away from this relationship to preserve your sanity. There is no coming back as far as I can see 🙁 Sorry, I know you were provoked but hitting someone (no matter how completely horrible they are) is never an option. 

Post # 38
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

it’s an unrealistic fantasy to believe you can abandon your family.  and if your fiance tires to abandon his because of you, it will only make things uglier when it inevitably causes your divorce.  Now before you call me evil, hear me out:

All this means is you can’t hide from this by eloping.  Your fiance’s family sounds like a piece of work (to put it far too kindly).  Remember that by marrying your fiance you marry them too.  Really consider if that is something you can realistically commit to.  If you believe that it is, you are going to have to be the bigger person and do some SERIOUS damage control to get them to even tolerate you.  You can’t control their behavior only your own.  You can’t change what already happened and because of that you may have already doomed yourself to a lifetime of terrible bashing from your in-laws.  Remember that just becuase you may feel you can handle this, doesn’t mean your fiance will be able to do the same.  His family may drive him away from you if you can’t at least get them to tolerate you.  And, as you can only control yourself, there is no guarantee this will happen no matter what you do.  It sounds like your fiance needs to make some decisions as well about how he allows his family to be a part of your lives.  To be honest it sounds like the cards are stacked against you already and it’s hard for me to believe that everyone involved, already having acted so immature, will take the necessary steps to make your relationship work.  Perhaps it would be better to cut your losses and allow yourself to begin healing now, instead of fighting another losing battle… no pun intended.

I don’t want to scold you for doing what you did.  It sounds like many people were behaving out of line.  As PP recommended I would also urge you to seek counseling for anger, your suicidal thoughts, and for your relationship.  It will be a long road ahead.

Post # 39
Member
7641 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

To be honest? Anyone who takes a rumor that much to heart (and from FI’s family no less) that they fly off the handle so much so that they bruise and batter another person? You have depression and an anger problem.

I’m sorry if no one else feels this way, but I hope you get charges pressed against you to teach you that it is not ok to physically assult someone. Did you not think how this would affect your relationship with your FI? Those of us with Mother-In-Law issues HAVE had simple conversations errupt into drama. I had a SIL who made my wedding planning hell for 9 months, but I would NEVER deck them because I’M stable and composed.

 

Post # 40
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

@anella:  1-800-SUICIDE

I’m not going to give you any advice beyond that because I don’t feel it is right to judge a person with questionable emotional stability.

Call the number. Get some help.  

Post # 42
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Im gonna go against the grain…Of course it isnt okay to hit someone, however she was kinda asking for it. I know Im gonna get called out because no one deserves to be hit. My thing is, you shouldnt run your mouth unless you want to accept the consequences. You can either stand there and take the crap that they will no doubt heap on you for the rest of your life or you can stand up for yourself and now maybe they will leave you alone and understand your not someone who is messed with.

I guess for me its different. First off DH would defend me no matter what. DH would understand if I was pushed to the point of hitting someone they must have been totally out of line. If it had been DH sister he would have told her to get the f*** out and she wouldnt be welcome anywhere near us. Same goes for any other family that didnt respect us.

My family is the same way.

Sorry but Im not gonna be someones doormat. If you had stood there and just took her crap you are giving her a license to treat you however she chooses. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

 

 

Post # 43
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@MissFemmeFatale:  +1 I was going to leave a comment, but you said it all! Laughing

Post # 45
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Personally, I would stay away from this family and unless he is willing to cut ties with them completely, I would end the relationship with him too.  Sorry.  Things like this generally do not work out.  Any time you do or say something your FH doesn’t like and he talks about it to his family about it they are going to tell him what an awful person you are for hitting his sister (and what ever other rumors or gossip is going around about you) and encourage him to leave you.

I would strongly suggest not drinking in unfamilar social situations in order to avoid future confrontations.  If you were all drunk, who knows what was really said or happened?

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