Post # 1
(Sorry… it’s a little long…vent.)
Question… A year ago I thought that anyone that is a runner is crazy. Then I picked it up a little from BF (as he was encouraging it) and I went to his half marathon in january and was really excited about it. So we signed up for a relay half marathon meaning one of us runs 5 miles and the other runs 8. The plan right now is for me to run the 8.
Now, I’ve done 5ks in the past and that’s just over 3 miles. When I run with friends I have fun. When I run alone I push myself and usually want to give up around mile 2.75 as I chant the mantra “this isn’t fun anymore. This isn’t fun anymore.” So I’ve been running on the weekends but only around 2.5 miles and I knew to really motivate myself for the half marathon in the fall I’d need to sign up for some smaller races in NYC. I have 3 5ks this summer and this Sunday is a 4 mile race.
BF signed up for the race with me and I was excited to run this as it’s further than I’ve ever run and we’d be doing it together. Well it’s a timed/chipped race and he has decided he wants to beat his personal race time so he has no intention of running with me. He’s even placed closer to the starting line than I am as he is a more experienced runner. So I’m not with him at the start, running alone for 4 miles and then searching for him at the end (if I don’t pass out in Central Park around mile 3.5). I wasn’t going to bring a phone if we were running together but now I have to bring it and will have this iPhone clunking on my hip (and I’m forced to wear the one pair running bottoms that I own that has pockets.) Just kind of “boo” all around.
I’m trying to be cool with it, but I have an honest to goodness fear that I won’t be able to do this distance alone. Is he being selfish? Am I? He keeps saying “Does this bother you? Does it?” And the more he asks the less I’m okay with it, but he’s made it clear that he’s not changing his mind. I expressed to him that I’m dissapointed in his choice to run seperately and I just don’t enjoy running alone. And he’s expressed that he doesn’t enjoy running with someone else. Well then why did you make me start running in the first place? Am I allowed to be frustrated with him?
I need a new running buddy… =(
Post # 3
I think you have a right to be annoyed, but he has already made his choice and it doesn’t sound like that is going to change. I don’t think either of you is more right than the other, you just have different priorities for the race.
I would look at this as an opportunity to really challenge yourself. Make a fun, energized playlist to run along with. As far as carrying the phone, can you buy an armband for it so you don’t have to run with it in your pocket? Then you can also use the phone to listen to music.
Post # 4
You can be frustrated with him, but runners are a special breed and some people race to race, not just to run. He might have just been encouraging you to run because he likes it and thinks it’s healthy. You both need to be honest about your expectations with each other and I think your last sentence says it all – you need to find a running partner with a similar pace and goals to yours. I am like your man in that I find it hard to run with other people and prefer it as time for me. I have friends who will only run with others. Just talk to him about it and be honest.
Can I suggest you use a different mantra too?? Your mantra is so negative that it might be doing more harm than good! This is cheesy, but try “feet fast, legs strong, I can do this all day long!” A mantra should help encourage and push you, not be a constant reminder that you are hurting and miserable!! Just a (totally unsolicited) thought!
Post # 5
I feel ya and it’s a toughie – I work out with my hub and he’s faster than me and it’s frustrating. I understand in races wanting to go as fast as he can, though for you I can see why perhaps he could have chosen a better run to do it on. But maybe he can run with you that distance before the race to make sure you can do it.
My frustration is more that even when we’re working out he’ll have to go ahead of me, which is fine, he’s faster, I told him to go on sprints as long as he comes back for me – but sometimes I wonder why he’s so insistant that he likes me as his workout buddy as most of the workout he’s not even with me or he just seems like he’s itching to go faster, it makes me want to kick him or if he’s not within kicking distance then throw something at him, especially when he stays just a little ahead of me and he could easily just slow down a step or two. (I love him and wouldn’t actually kick him but I do imagine it when he’s sprinting around and I’m gagging for air going no where near as fast)
Post # 6
Yeah you’re allowed!!
I’m doing my first 10k and Darling Husband was supposed to do it with me. He has ran half marathons before, but it was supposed to be a thing we do together to get me through my first race.. Well he couldn’t resist a challenge and decided to run the half marathon instead.
So now I run my race alone, and he runs only the next day so the whole weekend is about races that we’re not doing together…
I feel your pain! Good for you for registering for all the other races for training though, I’m sure you’ll be awesome!
Post # 7
Thank you for all the sweet encouragement! I see that I’m not the only one (troubled- I can just imagine you chasing your H down and trying to kick him- cracks me up!)
I will certainly take your advice ladies and work on a good running mix and a new mantra (in all fairness, my old mantra was kind of involuntary. It just happened). I will be positive! I’m determined to have fun!!
And I’ll enjoy seeing new parts of the park that I’ve never been in before. Maybe I can chalk this up as scouting out venues! =)
Post # 8
I think since it is a race, everyone should do their best. So I don’t think it is odd that he wants to beat his previous PR.
You can always make a friend or two at the starting line or randomly during the race. Runners are mostly friendly, and I’m sure there will be others there like you. But running by yourself is good. At the end you’ll know that you ran 4 miles because of you, not because your bf dragged you along.
Also, I don’t bring a phone, even to big races. Just set a designated meeting spot for after the race. I have never had a problem finding my people after a race. And since he will finish before you, he can look for you and cheer you into the finish line.
Post # 9
I’m training for a half marathon right now and the farthest I’ve run before was a 10K last year. I’m like you– I was not a runner till 2008 when I decided to join my BF(now husband). He’s the runner. When we first started running together I would try to keep up with him… to the point where I would almost throw up on the crazy hills he ran. Now that I’ve run more on my own, I have my own dang pace and he can just do what he wants.
In my case though, he’s “done” with his running days, so he’s my coach and runs slow with me these days, but I had to run the 10K all by myself. The friend I was running with had a faster pace than me, so i feel ya. I looked at scenery a lot!
Mantra help– I keep track of miles as much as possible. Like, yeah go me, 2 miles down! yeah look! I’m halfway done! OMG I only have x miles left– I can totally do it. etc. I have a rockin playlist and i keep it fresh with my fave upbeat and dance tracks. Glee is a current front runner. 🙂 Running for me is not about how fast I can run, its about running farther than I thought i could.
Also, think about getting an arm band for your phone like others have said. 🙂
GOOD LUCK girl!
Post # 10
i agree w/ jacqi – you can set a spot to meet and you’ll have a designated cheering squad at the end!
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
aww I am sorry I know how hard it can be to stay motivated on your own…I am thinking that you will fdo better than you expect because you will have other runners beside you pushing you to keep going….I can’t say I’ve run too much, but when I did my first 5K I set my eyes on a couple people at my pace and made it a goal to keep with them or even pass them…it really pushed me through to the end.
Post # 12
So just to wrap it up, the race was yesterday and I DID IT!! I ran 4 miles at exactly 12 minutes per mile. Not too shabby for me.
As we were lining up for the race to begin my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I were actually assigned to the same group and so he held my hand and kept telling me how proud he was of me. I was seriously nervous that I was going to be the very last runner to finish, but he was sure that wasn’t so. (As one friend advised me, I just need “Carbohydrates and confidence”. =) Just as we approached the starting line we got in a good luck kiss. Then we ran. And for the first 1/2 mile he stayed with me. Then I had to stop for a second (my ipod wasn’t working so I decided to take a second to fiddle with it) and I told him to go on ahead. He reluctantly took off and within seconds my ipod was functioning and my booty-kickin’ mix was audio motivation. He was already too far ahead for me to catch up, but that was okay.
Around mile 2 my BF’s mom was cheering on the sidelines and shouted “you’re my hero!” Smiles. Then I would run when it was downhill or flat and do a steady quick walk when it was uphill. I didn’t make friends but kept pace with a half dozen folks around me and I felt pretty good about that.
In the last 1/2 mile I decided to really push myself and as I crossed the finish line my Boyfriend or Best Friend was there cheering me on. The minute I crossed I veered off to the side and crumpled. I thought I was going to be sick. Maybe I pushed a little too hard.
But I did it! I was proud of my time and paced myself (until the very end). I hurt today but iburpofen is my friend. THANK YOU ALL so much for the advice and sweet encouragement!!
Half marathon in October, here I come!
Post # 13
Yay! Congratulations! There is nothing like finishing a race! Well done!
Post # 14
Congrats! Thanks for coming back and posting how you did!
Post # 15
Congratulations on finishing your race! That is awesome. Good luck in your half marathon relay
Post # 16
Congrats! Sounds like you had a really good day!