Post # 1
I’ve been hearing “I can’t buy my dress until I loose weight” for almost a year now. She bought a treadmill, put a TV in front of it, I made her a training plan, offered to workout/walk with her whenever we visit, Fiance has offered to work out/walk with her whenever HE visists (which is about once a week), she says she’s starting a diet every other week, but nothing sticks. It’s like she thinks talking about loosing weight will help her actual acheive it.
We live about an hour away so it’s not like I can visit all the time and walk with her, although I would love to.
At this point I don’t care if she gets a dress or not. Either get one that fits you now, or make an effort, loose weight and then get a dress. I realize with five months to go, we’re not exactly at “crunch time” for her to have a dress, but she keeps putting it off saying she wants to loose weight first.
Am I being too harsh? How do you motivate someone who just does NOT want to be motivated??
Post # 3
Honestly- You can’t! The person has to want to change for it to work. She will figure it out eventually- or will just have to buy a dress without losing weight.
Post # 4
Ok so the better question probably should be – how do I respond to her excuses and her constant comments that she needs to loose weight?
At this point whenever she says “I need to loose weight” I just say “ok” because I dont know what else to tell her…
Post # 5
Are you asking about the dress because you want to go shopping with her? Honestly she can go out the night before the wedding and buy a dress so I would just drop this.
Post # 6
You already know that this is her problem not yours. No one can motivate someone else to get healthy. They have to reach a point at which they motivate themselves.
When she talks about losing weight or exercising, just tell her that you love her and will be happy to have her at the wedding and as your Mother-In-Law whether she is a size 2 or a 22.
Post # 7
@LGenz: She’s always the one to bring it up, not me. It usually starts with “oh did your mom get her dress yet? I need to loose weight before I buy a dress” And then like eight excuses as to why she hasn’t lost weight yet…
She’s been saying the same thing for months and I just don’t know how to respond anymore…
Post # 8
@runninginpink: Ugh, that would annoy me. I’d just say “No, you look great now” in the most unconvincing tone ever haha.
Post # 9
I would respond with “You know we are always here to support you, so if there is anything you need let us know.” As far as the dress goes, does your mom have her dress? I would go with your mom to get her dress and then when Future Mother-In-Law asks say yes, she didn’t want to be stressed trying to find one so close to the wedding, maybe that would light a fire under her to either loose the weight or buy a dress.
Post # 10
Yeah, I mean moms can typically buy their dresses pretty much right off the rack, so you’re definitely not in crunch time. Her comments are annoying, but soon enough she’ll realize that she can’t have nothing to wear to the wedding, and she’ll just buy something. Don’t stress yourself.
Post # 11
@runninginpink: that would be really annoying. I work with a guy who always says he needs to loose weight- but then goes and gets McDonalds for lunch. I bascially just do what you said you’re doing- I just reply with an Ok or something similar.
Post # 12
Why should you try and motivate her? It doesn’t sound like she’s asking you to help her lose weight, so why worry about it? She won’t go naked and has plenty of time.
This is her problem to deal with- or not. It makes someone feel worse if the well intentioned helpers keep pushing.
If you think it might help, the next time she mentions losing weight tell her you know of a pretty easy way to do it. Don’t eat anything white, as in (bread,pasta,potatoes,rice). Pretty easy to do and it works. She just might surprise you.
Post # 13
You need to let your Future Mother-In-Law manage her own weight and dress herself. I mean, really. What she wears to your wedding and how she feels on that day is entirely her choice. I’m not sure if you’re bringing up the dress or if she is, but if you are, stop. Immediately.
sorry, read closer. Sounds like she’s putting this on you. When she makes comments like that just smile and say she will find a beautiful dress no matter what. Or just change the subject?
Post # 14
@runninginpink: OMG do we have the same FMIL???? I hear the EXACT same thing from my Future Mother-In-Law. LOL
Honestly, I don’t even pay attention when she starts on that. She can wear whatever she wants quite frankly, she’s not going to be in all the pictures, and I think she looks fine as she is. I trust her taste so I’m sure she’ll look nice too. She’ll break down eventually and just get a dress. I’m thinking your Future Mother-In-Law will do the same.