(Closed) Running out of time! but he won’t step up: How can I get him off of his butt???

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Have you talked with him about everything you posted here? That would be where to start. The thing about motivating people is that they have to want to do it themselves. You can’t MAKE people do what you want, unfortunately. What you can do is tell him how what he’s doing (or not doing) is making you feel, and how you want to start a life together but he doesn’t seem interested. Say, “I need to talk to you about something serious. Do you have time now, or do you want to have this serious discussion at a time that works for you.” Communication and making sure you’re both growing towards the same goals is part of being in a long-term relationship. πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

ah my Fiance was the worst procrastinator in the world,always putting things off or leaving things to the very lastminute. Over little things,I really ahd to learn to let it go,but toher,more important things I either had to let him leave things until it was too late and let him learn the lesson that way,or I did things with him.Maybe try sitting down with him and look at apartments together.If you see something you are interested in sit down and work out your finances together and how you would pay for it,and bills etc. By doing this together,you know hes looking,and he may realise that he will have to knuckle down and crack on.

Hope everything works out for you

Post # 5
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

oh and second everything bellagio said,you need to approach this topic with him in a serious discussion and find out why he puts things off so much

x

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Can’t you just get a standard college job like waitressing or something? Don’t put all of the responsibility on him.

Post # 7
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I totally sympthise with the job thing. Sometimes it’s just so freakin’ hard to find one!! Nothing is out there!

I would talk to him about how you feel. Tell him that you’re worried about the future and that you would love to have that security and know that everything is going to be okay. He might not understand just how upset and scared you are about it.

Good Luck. I hope everything works out soon.

Post # 8
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Uh….I’m getting married in 3 months and my fiancee still hasn’t asked any of his groomsmen to be in the wedding, or picked out a tux, or figured out where the rehearsal dinner is happening or planned our honeymoon.

But really, I am a full time student, only working part-time.  He works full time.  He has other stuff on his plate.  Do I want him to get back into the shape he used to be in for the big day?  Hell yes.  Am I going to let his waistline keep me up at night?  Hell no.  I love him for who he is- human, and occasionally lazy.

But basically, when it came to wedding planning, I only asked him to do stuff that he pretty much had to do.  Everything else, I did.  He pays the bills, I plan the wedding.  He offered input when I asked, but I didn’t always ask.  If I knew he wasn’t going to help/ wasn’t going to have to time to help, I just did it on my own.  He has no idea how much work went into it all, but it doesn’t really matter because I have no idea how hard he works at his job every day when I go to my classes and look through wedding magazines.  

I also learned about a year into our relationship that I WAS NOT GOING TO CHANGE HIM.  I can nag at him about his weight or nag at him about the stuff I need him to do, but he’s still going to keep doing whatever the hell he wants to do.  I can encourage him and ask him honestly for his help WHEN I NEED IT, not all the time, but if I try to get him to change who he is (which is, like I said: human and sometimes lazy), I’m in big trouble because I’m marrying him AS IS, not as I want him to be.

Good luck.  But I really think you’ll be fine.  You have loads of time to get it all done.  Don’t forget, people plan weddings in less than 6 months all the time.  You have 9 months- all the time in the world!

 

Post # 10
Member
7689 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@agirlwithdreams7: Maybe you could take the time to do things together more?  Like find a sport or activity for exercise that you both like to do together.  Sometimes certain things are hard to motivate myself to do-even though I know it would benefit me.  Sometimes fear of failure is also hard to fight.-Maybe he is having doubts about the computer job?  Maybe you could talk to him about what makes it difficult for him to do things? Since you seem to feel frustrated, maybe some premarital counseling will help? Because this could help your relationship for the long run. I wish you the best.

Post # 11
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@agirlwithdreams7: Yikes. I totally get where you’re coming from when you tried to find work and no one will hire you. I have experience and it’s still hard. The economy, if it’s honestly recovering sure is traveling at a snails pace. But anyway, since he doesn’t seem to respond to words, maybe start leaving the books open for him with apartment listings. I don’t know if your area has them, but when I lived in Florida you could pick up an apartment guide at any grocery store. Grab multiples if you can find them, and just put them in typical places he would look. Hopefully he will start manning up and getting what needs to be done, done.

Even though I am still in a pretty fresh relationship (one year strong, with move-in talks), I see a lot of that at times in my boyfriend. He puts things off, and kind of drags his feet but he does come around.

Also, if you feel you can budget a planner maybe that would take a load off your shoulders. You have to be pretty stressed with college, you’re going into nursing??? I hear its insanely rough towords the end. I’m going into nursing, also to better my future. Goodluck!

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