Post # 1
My family doesn’t know that we plan to marry yet, I really wanted all of my extended family to meet him first. I asked my grandmother if he could come to our Christmas (my mom and grandfather were already ok with it). She said no, it’s a family event only. I never expected this answer in a million years. I told her everyone else’s SO gets to come. Even my ex fiancé who raped me (family friend) gets to bring his new fiance. I mentioned this, and she would say “they didnt come sleep together at my house.” (She is angry because she’s very religious and knows I spend the night with him sometimes.) I said, “I never asked to sleep in the same bed as him.” She told me shes too tired to argue and going to bed. So I am highly furious, and I plan to tell them I’m not coming either. Is this out of line? I know my mom is going to throw the biggest fit on the planet, because she said if I don’t get off work for the Christmas, it will ruin her whole Christmas. And I’m living with her until February when I get my own apartment. I’m 22, btw. So, what do you guys think? What would you do?
Post # 2
chelseameghan7: Your family invited a person who raped you and you’re still considering going? Fuck that.
Post # 3
I can’t get over the fact that your family is still talking to someone who raped you. I’m so sorry 🙁
Post # 4
chelseameghan7: Your rapist is attending? I would not attend. Instead, start a nice tradition with your Fiance – volunteer somewhere, make a nice meal, exchange gifts, etc.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t be going to a family Christmas gathering if someone who had raped me was invited. Nope.
Post # 6
chelseameghan7: I wouldn’t attend a family function where my rapist was welcome but my significant other was not.
Post # 7
How long have you been with your SO?
Post # 8
Unfortunately… if it’s her house, then it’s her rules. I wouldn’t go if I were you, I think having a person who raped you there is reason enough… how messed up is that???
Post # 9
Uh.. For starters.. I wouldn’t attend an event with someone who raped me. Some family you’ve got..
Do something without them, who cares if they like the man you plan to marry? Their moral compasses appear to be completely fucked up anyways.
Post # 10
How can she claim it’s family ONLY, then invite your ex fiance and his new girl? I’d make it clear that it’s either both of you, or neither. Tell her you don’t fell comfortable around your RAPIST without the comfort of your SO by your side. If they won’t accept that you intend to spend your Christmas with your SO, I’d skip it.
As for ruining your mom’s Christmas, I would calmly explain to her your problem with the situation, and celebrate Christmas with her, privately.
Post # 11
Please please please tell me your family has no idea that that man raped you. Otherwise…what the actual fuck!
Honestly, I would probably refuse to come to Christmas because of that alone. I would never want to be around my rapist on the holidays (or any other day).
As for the other stuff…does your SO live far away? Like, would he have to stay over if he spent Christmas at your grandmother’s house? Unfortunately though, it’s her house so her rules. It does sound like she’s just angry with you for sleeping with this guy and is using Christmas to take it out on you.
Post # 12
No way. Stay home and start your own Christmas. Screw them.
Post # 13
Sadly, it’s not uncommon for families to continue supporting/befriending abusers and rapists, who are often very good manipulators (Duggars are but one example).
but that doesn’t make it okay.
you need to stand up for yourself and your own peace of mind. If they don’t know, tell them. If they do know, tell them that you won’t be visiting until and unless the can promise the rapist won’t be anywhere near their house during your visit.
Tell your mom that you would like a family that supports you and not your rapist, but until then you won’t be going to Christmas at grandma’s.
If you want to talk to someone anonymously about this, call RAINN.org or live chat with them.
Post # 14
He raped you? And you still go?! Good god. Seriously fuck that. I’d be going to a restaurant with my SO and forgetting every other twat.
Post # 15
I will echo the PPs. I would not go to an even where my rapist was welcome. Do not go.
Also, you may want to tell them that he is no longer just your boyfriend, and is now your Fiance. Though, even if this changes her mind, I probably still would not attend (see reason above).