(Closed) S.O. not invited to my family Christmas?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

chelseameghan7:  Your family invited a person who raped you and you’re still considering going? Fuck that. 

Post # 3
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I can’t get over the fact that your family is still talking to someone who raped you.  I’m so sorry 🙁 

Post # 4
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

chelseameghan7:  Your rapist is attending? I would not attend. Instead, start a nice tradition with your Fiance – volunteer somewhere, make a nice meal, exchange gifts, etc. 

Post # 5
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t be going to a family Christmas gathering if someone who had raped me was invited. Nope.  

Post # 6
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

chelseameghan7:  I wouldn’t attend a family function where my rapist was welcome but my significant other was not.

Post # 7
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

How long have you been with your SO? 

Post # 8
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

Unfortunately… if it’s her house, then it’s her rules.  I wouldn’t go if I were you, I think having a person who raped you there is reason enough… how messed up is that???

Post # 9
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Uh.. For starters.. I wouldn’t attend an event with someone who raped me. Some family you’ve got..

Do something without them, who cares if they like the man you plan to marry? Their moral compasses appear to be completely fucked up anyways.

Post # 10
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

How can she claim it’s family ONLY, then invite your ex fiance and his new girl? I’d make it clear that it’s either both of you, or neither. Tell her you don’t fell comfortable around your RAPIST without the comfort of your SO by your side. If they won’t accept that you intend to spend your Christmas with your SO, I’d skip it. 

As for ruining your mom’s Christmas, I would calmly explain to her your problem with the situation, and celebrate Christmas with her, privately.

Post # 11
Member
6828 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Please please please tell me your family has no idea that that man raped you. Otherwise…what the actual fuck! 

Honestly, I would probably refuse to come to Christmas because of that alone. I would never want to be around my rapist on the holidays (or any other day). 

As for the other stuff…does your SO live far away? Like, would he have to stay over if he spent Christmas at your grandmother’s house? Unfortunately though, it’s her house so her rules. It does sound like she’s just angry with you for sleeping with this guy and is using Christmas to take it out on you. 

Post # 12
Member
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

No way. Stay home and start your own Christmas. Screw them.

Post # 13
Member
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Sadly, it’s not uncommon for families to continue supporting/befriending abusers and rapists, who are often very good manipulators (Duggars are but one example).

but that doesn’t make it okay.

you need to stand up for yourself and your own peace of mind. If they don’t know, tell them. If they do know, tell them that you won’t be visiting until and unless the can promise the rapist won’t be anywhere near their house during your visit. 

Tell your mom that you would like a family that supports you and not your rapist, but until then you won’t be going to Christmas at grandma’s. 

If you want to talk to someone anonymously about this, call RAINN.org or live chat with them.

Post # 14
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

He raped you? And you still go?! Good god. Seriously fuck that. I’d be going to a restaurant with my SO and forgetting every other twat. 

Post # 15
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I will echo the PPs.  I would not go to an even where my rapist was welcome.  Do not go.

Also, you may want to tell them that he is no longer just your boyfriend, and is now your Fiance.  Though, even if this changes her mind, I probably still would not attend (see reason above). 

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