Post # 16
chelseameghan7: I have to assume they don’t know about the rape, because it’s just too fucked up to think that they do and still invite him to things. Can you confirm if that’s true? Because if they know about it and still invite him, then you’re better off without them anyway and everything else is moot. But assuming they don’t know about that, if grandma’s rule is “family only” and “family” = engaged or married, and you’re engaged but just haven’t told anyone yet, the answer is simple: tell them. There’s no reason exended family needs to meet your fiance before you announce that you’re engaged. In fact, the Christmas get-together sounds like a good opportunity to introduce him, but that would only work if you let on that you’re engaged so he gets invited. I’m sorry the rapist will be there too, I know it’s really hard to see someone like that just acting like a normal person and everyone thinks they’re so nice. … Yeesh. Best wishes, whatever you decide.
Post # 17
SOOOO many NOPES.
Don’t go, how they can accept a rapist and not your SO is so backwards. Save yourself the hurt of seeing that person again.
Post # 18
No way. Start a new tradition of Christmas with your SO and stuff them. I would not spend one minute in a room with someone who raped me, let alone on Christmas
Post # 19
Monikax3x3: We’ve been officially together for 3 months but close for 6 months, working long shifts together. We just now decided that we want to spend our lives together, hence me wanting him to meet my whole extended family. We aren’t going to get married until May, though. I know it’s not that long of dating, but the long shifts together brought us really close to begin with, and then dating just made us sure of how we feel about each other. And it’s not just one of those “we’re just so crazy about each other”, we share the same morals and values and get along wonderfully, he’s my best friend and not like any guy I know. He’s helped me through some very depressed episodes where I was at rock bottom, which is another major reason I want him there.
Post # 20
chelseameghan7: Three months? And you’re 22?
OK I am letting that go, but seriously, does your familiy know that guy raped you? If so they are terrible people and I would not have anything to do with them if they think it’s A-Ok to spend Christmas with him.
Post # 21
I agree about how my ex shouldn’t be there. I’ve just spent every Christmas there since I was born. It would be so weird not to spend a Christmas there. But I agree, my family’s behavior is out of line. I’m just really afraid of how my mom will react, and I have to deal with it for the next 2 months while I live here.
Post # 22
I have to ask….does your family know that “family friend” raped you?
Post # 23
Forget wanting him there, why would YOU want to even be there? How is that conversation going to go when you arrive?
“Oh, hey grandma! Merry Christmas! Hey rapist, your fiance is beautiful tonight! Happy Holidays!”?!?!?
Does your family know this man raped you? Because if my mom knew a dude raped me the only way he’d make it through our door is with a bullet hole in his body.
Also, three months of working shifts brought you close together? What about living together? What about real life together outside of work? Love is love, and I don’t judge, but make sure you guys know each other outside of the work place before bringing him home as fiance to your family.
Post # 24
They don’t know about the rape per se, but they know he was very emotionally abusive and that’s why it ended. They don’t take that kind of thing very seriously.
Post # 25
chelseameghan7: If my SO isn’t invited, I’m not invited. This honestly sounds horrible and I’m sorry your family doesn’t seem to take your rape seriously in the slightest. I think that’s insane.
Post # 26
chelseameghan7: Hmmm maybe they’re not taking your SO seriously because you’re 22 and only been seeing him three months?
Post # 27
- Wedding: August 2015 - Southern Plantation House
justinsgirl2016: this +1000
Post # 28
Does the new SO know that this person raped you? I wouldn’t put my SO in the same room as someone who had raped me … that might end up in the rapist being dead and my SO going to jail.
I think you need to speak with a rape counselor to work through some of this and then somehow deal with the fact that your family includes this person in holidays.
Post # 29
I think it’s fair enough their not inviting him. They barely know him. I wouldn’t not go because he’s not invited but maybe see him later?
Post # 30
chelseameghan7: Ok, my husband and I decided we were going to spend the rest of our lives together dating 4 months. We were engaged two years later and now one year later married (total of 3yrs and maybe 8 months together) I was 21 when we started dating, so I think I can kind of relate. Honestly don’t let them get you down, respect their rules…some people dont understand when you’ve met “the one” – they expect people to date longer…when you have your own place..you can make the rules. Trust me on this, be patient. As a bonus I am 100% Polish and Polish mothers say the same things…