(Closed) S.O. not invited to my family Christmas?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

chelseameghan7:  I have to assume they don’t know about the rape, because it’s just too fucked up to think that they do and still invite him to things. Can you confirm if that’s true? Because if they know about it and still invite him, then you’re better off without them anyway and everything else is moot. But assuming they don’t know about that, if grandma’s rule is “family only” and “family” = engaged or married, and you’re engaged but just haven’t told anyone yet, the answer is simple: tell them. There’s no reason exended family needs to meet your fiance before you announce that you’re engaged. In fact, the Christmas get-together sounds like a good opportunity to introduce him, but that would only work if you let on that you’re engaged so he gets invited. I’m sorry the rapist will be there too, I know it’s really hard to see someone like that just acting like a normal person and everyone thinks they’re so nice. … Yeesh. Best wishes, whatever you decide.

Post # 17
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee

NOPE!

SOOOO many NOPES.

Don’t go, how they can accept a rapist and not your SO is so backwards. Save yourself the hurt of seeing that person again.

 

Post # 18
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

No way. Start a new tradition of Christmas with your SO and stuff them. I would not spend one minute in a room with someone who raped me, let alone on Christmas

Post # 20
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

chelseameghan7:  Three months?  And you’re 22?

OK I am letting that go, but seriously, does your familiy know that guy raped you?  If so they are terrible people and I would not have anything to do with them if they think it’s A-Ok to spend Christmas with him.

Post # 22
Member
2774 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have to ask….does your family know that “family friend” raped you?

 

Post # 23
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Forget wanting him there, why would YOU want to even be there? How is that conversation going to go when you arrive? 

“Oh, hey grandma! Merry Christmas! Hey rapist, your fiance is beautiful tonight! Happy Holidays!”?!?!?

Like, what?!?!!?

Does your family know this man raped you? Because if my mom knew a dude raped me the only way he’d make it through our door is with a bullet hole in his body.

Also, three months of working shifts brought you close together? What about living together? What about real life together outside of work? Love is love, and I don’t judge, but make sure you guys know each other outside of the work place before bringing him home as fiance to your family.

Post # 25
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

chelseameghan7:  If my SO isn’t invited, I’m not invited. This honestly sounds horrible and I’m sorry your family doesn’t seem to take your rape seriously in the slightest. I think that’s insane.

Post # 26
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

chelseameghan7:  Hmmm maybe they’re not taking your SO seriously because you’re 22 and only been seeing him three months?

Post # 28
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

Does the new SO know that this person raped you? I wouldn’t put my SO in the same room as someone who had raped me … that might end up in the rapist being dead and my SO going to jail. 

I think you need to speak with a rape counselor to work through some of this and then somehow deal with the fact that your family includes this person in holidays. 

Post # 29
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I think it’s fair enough their not inviting him. They barely know him.  I wouldn’t not go because he’s not invited but maybe see him later?

Post # 30
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

chelseameghan7:  Ok, my husband and I decided we were going to spend the rest of our lives together dating 4 months. We were engaged two years later and now one year later married (total of 3yrs and maybe 8 months together) I was 21 when we started dating, so I think I can kind of relate. Honestly don’t let them get you down, respect their rules…some people dont understand when you’ve met “the one” – they expect people to date longer…when you have your own place..you can make the rules. Trust me on this, be patient. As a bonus I am 100% Polish and Polish mothers say the same things… 

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