- 4 years ago
Hey Bee’s, hope you’re all well! Let’s jump right into the matter at hand.
I’ve been dating S.O for almost 3 and a half years. The relationship started at a time when neither of us wanted one, and we weren’t interested in one (freshmen year of college, and we are currently seniors). But we both knew we needed to try, because better to regret doing something than regret not attempting something (in most cases). We’ve had our curves and abrupt turns, as this is the time both of us are really changing and growing into who we’re going to be. But rather than drift away from each other, we’ve grown stronger, and everyday I’m thankful he’s in my life. He’s affected how I’ve grown, and because of him, I firmly believe I’ve become a more positive, upbeat person. I’m the best possible ‘me’ when I’m with him, and in turn, I’ve caused him to enjoy the smaller things in life, have confidence in himself and abilities, etc. We really love each other, and after moving in this upcoming Fall, have every chance of moving onto an engagement within the next 2-3 years. Now, before dating each other, each of us only had 2 or so relationships prior. I understand that’s a very limited number, and that’s not how either of us predicted it would work out. But why would we throw away an amazing relationship, just to see what else is out there, when neither of us even want to look?
The reason I bring up these concepts is because of S.O’s mother. Now, they do not have the best relationship. She’s not a very logical person, always run by emotion, and can be very disrespectful to others. However, after seeing her very often for three years, she’s told S.O ‘Girlfriend has become family, I love her and think she’s wonderful.’ There was a point over a year ago where S.O and I hit a rough patch. We were wondering if being in a relationship in college was the best decision. So we decided to actually break up. Two weeks passed, where both of us had the chance to go out with other people, dedicate all our time 100% to ourselves, etc. But we were both miserable. We didn’t miss being in a relationship-we missed each other, and being able to talk about anything, laugh about anything until our sides hurt, comfort each other, etc. The single life actually was excited for us-look at ALL the people to have ‘fun’ with. But neither of us wanted to do it. We’re not religious or traditional, so neither of us have a ‘wait until marriage’ mindset, but neither of us wanted to be physically or emotionally active with someone who wasn’t worth while. We considered it a waste of time. So after realizing that while a relationship in college goes against society’s norms, and may not be the best time, we weren’t going to throw something wonderful away because of it.
Since day one, with EVERY conversation that S.O has with his mother, at some point she always says, ‘Now, you know I LOVE girlfriend, but do you really think this is right? I don’t. You shouldn’t be in a relationship…’. Every single time, without fail. S.O assumed it would stop, but now he’s saying it feels toxic. He said, ‘When someone KEEPS putting a question in your head, your mind has to work through it. I come to the same conclusion everytime-yes, I do want this. I’m sure. I’ve never been so confident and wanted something so badly before. But it’s EXHAUSTING having to hear this from her.’ We’re trying to figure out what exactly to say to make it stop. If he wakes up one morning and decides we shouldn’t be together, that’s his choice-but the fact that his mother brings it up 3 times a week is just TOO much. It makes me wonder-why does she bring it up so often? Does she think that maybe we aren’t right for each other? Or is she so consumed in this idea that he’s supposed to be out just having sex with other girls right now (Which she has told him before, and how this isn’t the right lifestyle).
Bee’s, what should he say to her to nip it in the butt? He always replies with, ‘Yes, I am, I’d appreciate if you’d stop asking.’
Also, before the comments, I understand that this site is full of experienced Bee’s who probably agree. Neither of us wanted a relationship so early. But I just CANNOT justify throwing something so EFFORTLESS, and amazing behind just to go screw around with other guys. That’s just not something I’d ever be able to emotionally handle, anyways. So please, respect our choices. Thanks all 🙂
- This topic was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by yourhandinmine.