Post # 1
To Fill you in on this post..
Now for the recent drama..
So My FI’s parents came to us and said If you would let the nanny stay in the car during the wedding that might help this situtaion. I said Ya know what that’s fine. I just don’t want her in the church or coming to the ceremony. I have no problems with that nanny being in the car. This is for incase the child cries during the wedding someone can take him to the nannie and not disturb the mom from missing the wedding.
Now what I found out is that if this option wasn’t given..My Fi’s sister told their parents. That she will flat out sabatoge the wedding. In those words. Sabatoge! I can’t beleive someone even thinks like this. She said she would make sure her CHILD would be upset and cry during the whole ceremony and she wasn’t going to let anyone stop him from crying. I can’t beleive I am even typing this. I can’t beleive how She could even go there. I’m at a loss.
I told My Fiance that if the comprimise of the nanny staying in the car wasn’t enough and she kept acting and saying these things after this has been offered , it is best for her to stay at home. I am now worried for my wedding. I shouldn’t have to be feeling this way. His sister is clearly only thinking of herself and doesn’t care about her brother,the wedding or anyone. I don’t think she understands what she is doing. These actions will carry weight once the wedding is over. I now don’t trust her as far as I could throw her. I don’t know how I am suppose to just over look someone wanting to ruin my wedding on purpose. Any advice? I am trying to take the high road and not fall into this trap of drama. She is acting like we are doing this to her spitefully, when that isn’t the case. My Fiance has told her that We have had to make sacrifices for it to only be 10 people. Alot of our families have been cut from the list, and all we are asking is for her to watch her own children for 4 hours. This isn’t about her! This isn’t being done to her just to be mean. This is being asked because we don’t want a total stranger at our wedding when our family and friends won’t even be there other than immediate. Any suggestions about how to handle this would be lovely. I just don’t know how I am suppose to forget about this. It’s just manipulative,and wrong in my eyes. 🙁 I told them the wedding is now about my Fiance sister, her children and nanny and not about Us,and What the day is suppose to be about. And I didn’t want anyone talking about this again. And if she did keep it up then she would be asked to not come. I don’t know of any other way to handle this. I’m just upset and ill and so many emotions.
Once she was told her option of the nanny staying in the car, she did try to say well if the nanny has to leave. we won’t be staying for pictures etc. becaues there won’t be enough time . My Fi said This is the end of the discussion ,there is enough time,your hotel is 8 minutes away. After the wedding we are doing faimly pictures and then you can go. You won’t miss anything and that’s that. Now I just feel like i’m waiting for another bomb to go off. Because People like her don’t stop. They keep stirring the pot. I absolutely hate this.
Post # 3
just making sure the link works.
Post # 4
honestly I can’t really follow what’s going on, but I think it’s ridiculous you’d make someone sit in the car. What’s the big deal? My sister’s nanny is coming to the wedding to care for my nephew, and sitting at the table with the rest of the bridal party – what’s the big deal? It’s one person that will allow the day to run much smoother for everyone.
Post # 6
She only has ten people coming to the wedding. They’ve had to cut most of their family and friends in order to keep it that small. So now her Future Sister-In-Law is insisting that her nanny be included in this small gathering? That’s ridiculous. Either the mom can take care of her own kids for one day, or the kids can stay with the nanny and not come to the wedding. I would be irate if my friends couldn’t come to my wedding, but a nanny absolutely had to be there.
Post # 8
After reading this post and your other post
I think that crazy person has just earned the right to be uninvited.
No one should EVER say or threaten anything even similar to sabatoge. As for your other decisions, I agree wholeheartedly. I would not want this random person invited to our very intimate ceremony where as a ton of other people would not be invited whom I am very close too.
Though staying in the car does seem a bit odd. Is there a way, they can have a private room of some sort?
Post # 9
@MrsWBS: I thought the same thing til I read the last thread. 10 people is a very small wedding. I would not want a total stranger there either!
Post # 10
@cmbr: +1, exactly!! The other bees that posted “what’s the big deal etc” obviously didn’t read the other post.
@Cantstartafire1: Geez she sounds like a nightmare. I would just tell her to leave if she pulls any shit.
Post # 11
@Cantstartafire1: I think correct me if I’m wrong, but I think what the OP meant to say is because they both have to cut so many people out of the wedding, if the people found out this nanny who is not close to the couple shows up at this wedding, other people might get upset and ask why aren’t they invited when they see this stranger show up to the wedding?
Post # 12
@cmbr: Ok, glad you cleared up this post – for anyone who didn’t read the previous one, it does sound like the OP is being unreasonable. But she’s actually not. I agree that it’s weird to have the nanny sit in the car, though. I would have just said to let the nanny stay at home or in a hotel room nearby, not in the car. That’s a little inhumane.
OP, it sounds like you need to talk to her and suggest she not bring the kids, and have the nanny watch them during the wedding. Which is kind of her job, ya know. I’m sure the mom needs a night away from her kids – if you put it like that, she might come around.
If she’s still being unreasonable, cut her from the list, and invite someone who you actually want there. I doubt she’s going to sabotage your wedding. People say crazy $hit when they get worked up. If you’re that concerned, you might have to look into having someone at the door to keep an eye out.
Post # 13
I get she sounds like at total nightmare, but sometimes we have to just be the bigger person and give in to something to make it less stressful for ourselves! I just don’t think the stress and drama is worth it. I’ve had to make many many concessions I did not want to make throughtout my planning process. I understand it sucks having to give in to someone you don’t like, but sometimes that’s jsut what you have to do.
Post # 14
@MrsWBS: I didn’t suggest the car suggestion. The parents did. I suggested the nanny stay at the hotel. That wasn’t good enough. I said let the children stay with the nanny at the hotel, that wasn’t good enough. So that’s how this car situation came about. I have no problem her having the nanny assist her, but I just feel like if my own family and friends can’t be there ,their is no way to have a nanny that that Sister wants there that she hasn’t even met yet,from who knows where be at our wedding. I’m trying to not hurt my family by saying Hey your not invited but The sister’s nanny is. I’m trying the best I can. The car situation was brought to the table so the nanny could be there if the children needed her. I would say Hey keept her in the back of the church but the church is so small that there isn’ta nother room. It’s just a chapel. The car would be the only other place for her to be,unless she was in the chapel itself. And then She would be attending the wedding. I”m just so upset about all of this. I do understand that giving in would lessen the stress,and be the easier thing to do. It’s just not an option.
Post # 15
@DarthBetty: If the chapel was bigger yes she could stay in another room, problem is , is there isn’t another room. It’s just the chapel of 10 pews on both sides. So if she were in the chapel,she would be at the wedding :/. I didn’t like the car thing either,didn’t seem right. But that’s the only option.
Post # 16
I agree that the car thing seems insane.
BUT, you aren’t the one putting her in that position. You and your FH are not responsible for how the Nanny spends the day. I’m assuming that your Future Sister-In-Law and her husband were given ample time to make arrangements. So, whether she stays at the hotel, sits in the car, or stays at freaking home is your Future Sister-In-Law and her husband’s decision. It’s on their heads and their hands. Not yours and your FH’s.
Not to mention, at this point, no matter how this plays out, it is going to be a bit stressful. Either you’ll have to deal with a grumpy Future Sister-In-Law, or you’ll have someone there who you understandably don’t want (thus, you’ll end up being a grumpy bride!).
Neither option is ideal, but it’s pretty much unavoidable. So, I say, let your Future Sister-In-Law be a petulant child about it. You and your FH just concentrate on enjoying your day the way YOU envisioned it!