Sabotaging my own engagement?

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

Oh bee. I’m sorry about your loss of your grandmother 🙁 and my mom had surgery recently and it was very emotional and nerve-wracking for me, so I understand your feelings.

Could you perhaps stay with your mom on Friday night after her surgery? And cancel your plans for the weekend since you’re worried about your mom? I really don’t blame you at all for being upset

Maybe you could speak with your bf about your feelings- I’m sure he would understand.

No matter how and when he proposes, I’m sure it will be special. And if he sees how concerned you are, maybe he will take your feelings into account and do it another time?

If it’s important to you that your parents are all there to celebrate, I would think he will reschedule. He probably doesn’t realize your mom won’t be ready the next day for that. Or if it doesn’t matter and you just want to be engaged, he could ask you really whenever and it will be special, you know? 

I know you’re in a funk, but try to remember: amidst the darkness now, a good thing is about to happen: your love is going to ask you to be with him forever! And I’m sure it will help your mom with recovery having something to look forward to! Cherish those memories with your grandma and try to make the best of this time ❤️

Post # 3
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

I think if it means a lot to you, then you should subtly tell your boyfriend that it’s important to you for your mom to be there when he proposes. However, you have to accept that you might be ruining some of his existing plans by telling him, and gauge if you’re okay with disappointing him. Did he know that having them there for the proposal was important to you before now? Just talk to him!

Post # 5
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

introester :  I’m so sorry for your loss and that you’re having to deal with these difficult emotions that big life events can bring up. I lost my grandma and grandpa over 10 years ago when I was 14, and like you I was very close with them growing up. I’m getting married in two months and I am devastated that she and my grandpa won’t be able to be here with me physically. But I do know that they will be watching over me as they always are. Please know that your grandma is, too. There are things you can do to honor her along the way that should help you to enjoy those happy times- I am reserving two front row seats at my wedding in my grandparents’ honor and having a memory table for them as well. For your mom, she will be happy for you no matter when you get engaged! I would maybe talk with your fiance about not proposing until she’s better, but otherwise please try to enjoy the happy moments as they come. It can actually be theraputic. 

Post # 6
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

I remember hoping my fiancé wouldn’t propose to me in front of his family when we went out of state to visit, because I felt bad my family wouldn’t be there too. I was relived when he didn’t. After the proposal I told him my silly thought, and he told me there was no way he would include only his family members, which is why he proposed alone. Perhaps your fiancé is taking your mom’s recovery into consideration, and is postponing his proposal. He probably can’t refund his tickets, which is why you’re still attending the event. If your mom was supposed to attend, mention to him how sad you are she won’t be there too. I imagine he’s already taken your mom into consideration, especially since your grandmother won’t be there. 

Post # 8
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

introester :  I’m glad to hear that your mum will be able to celebrate with you! I just wanted to drop in and add that you shouldn’t beat yourself up (you’re not being a brat) for feeling overwhelmed! 

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