(Closed) Sad…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove

@nlin029:  so sorry you’re feeling like this. I’m also a waiting bee, 5 years into it. SO and I had the ‘soon’ talk a lot and the ‘one day’ verbage happening. It took about a year for me to get up the nerve to sit down with him and have a really honest conversation about it. Like you mentioned, we too had other friends surpass us in the dating/engagement timeframe. He understood where I was coming from but still just wasnt ready.

I think your SO may just need a little nudge in the right direction and if you’re starting to feel resentment towards him for not committing then maybe it’s time to set a walk date? Hopefully it wont come to that!

You’ll probably hear from lots of waiting bees who are in the same or similar situation you are in. The boards might help you gain some different perspectives as well. *hugs*

Post # 4
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You at least deserve a timeline. That way, you two will be on the same page. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying “I want to be married by x date and start TTC by x date.”

Post # 5
Member
5980 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that.  My situation was somewhat similar – I’m the same age (but Fiance is only 29).  We have been together for 6 years and we have tons and tons of friends who’ve met, dated, and got married all within the span of our relationship.  

I think that

1) You deserve a timeline.  A timeline isn’t an ultimadium, it’s an opportunity for you to understnad what’s going on!

2) Have you tried talking to him about possible underlying reason for the holdup?  It could be legitimate concerns about your future and committment…but I think in a lot of cases it’s more about aprehension over the “details” – the proposal, the ring, the wedding, etc.  If that’s where his aprehension lies, that’s definetly something the two of you can overcome by talking through it.  These kinds of things were the biggest road block for my (now) Fiance.

Post # 6
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Hi lady, i feel your pain!  I am in a asimilar situation.  I just sat down and talked to him ( after a few meltdowns) and it was him who set a timeline rather than me issue an ultimatum.  Remeber, there are two of you in this relationship and you have as much say into your future as him.  I think the not knowing and vagueness is the most difficult thing to deal with. Good luck x

Post # 7
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@nlin029:  believe me i’ve been there, still am lol. i’d just sit him down, and communicate how your feeling in a  positive way. and don’t just do it because everyone else is. it has to be the right choice for both of you.

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