- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I’m not totally sure why I’m writing this, but I feel like maybe some girls out there might be able to help me work through this – or tell me to get over myself 🙂 Either way, (constructive) comments welcome!
I had a bridesmaid that I’ve always had an interesting relationship with over the years. She’s one of the most fun girls I’ve ever been friends with, and is one of my only friends into a lot of the same stuff I am. But as we’ve gotten older, I feel like it’s becoming more and more clear that we just don’t agree on what friendship is. She’s extremely stubborn and opinionated – to the point where none of my other friends can really stand being around her because she’s offended them in a number of ways. She’s so opinionated that she often makes people feel like they’re idiots if they don’t agree with her, she can’t let a conversation go without having to have the last word, and doesn’t ever listen to anyone else’s opinion. We’ve still managed to have a lot of fun over the years (mostly because I don’t really care enough to fight to have the last word), but I can’t invite her out to a lof of group things because she’s offended so many people. My friends (and husband) have also all told me that they think she’s incredibly selfish and that she’s not a great friend to me (she bails on things last minute, will never do anything that she doesn’t feel like doing, etc).
I always thought that they were wrong – that if I really needed her for something she’d be there for me. She was engaged 4 years ago, and I was the maid of honor for her wedding before she cancelled it. I was there for her the whole time she needed me – any hour of the day. I didn’t ask a lot of my bridesmaids (I know a lot of girls say that, but my only expectations were that they buy their own dress, got silver shoes, held the shower and the bachelorette, and hung out with me while getting ready for the big wedding – I never even talked about the wedding unless they brought it up or I needed to get information out to them).
We needed to reschedule my bachelorette because of Hurricane Irene. While it wasn’t bad at all up here in Boston, it was really bad in CT where my other 3 bridesmaids live (they all lost power for 2 weeks and if they had come up for the bachelorette they would not have been able to get home for a number of days due to the roads being impassible in a lof of places). This friend was also in Boston, and was miffed we needed to reschedule since she was excited for the party. She screamed at my other bridesmaids because it was inconvenient to have the party after my wedding (which I was very clear on was fine, I was in no way upset. I thought it would be kind of funny later), and made it clear to them she wasn’t available “at all” after the wedding. My bridesmaids didn’t want to upset me, so they didn’t tell me this happened and just planned the party for after the wedding without her. Apparently she skipped my bachelorette because she had BU college hockey tickets that she wanted to go to instead. The tickets are $15 each, and you can get them any time. She’s bougth them for games in the past and sold them if she didn’t ahve anyone to go with lots of times before, but she refused to do it for my party because she was angry it was rescheduled. And she didn’t have anyone to go with, and didn’t end up going to the game after all, and still refused to come because it was in CT and she “didn’t feel like driving by herself”.
I think this is the breaking point for me. I’ve been feeling like we’re not great friends for a while, and while it seems crazy to stop a friendship over a bachelorette, it felt like a pretty large slap in the face if I’m supposed to be one of her best friends. She also hasn’t called or spoken to me since then – I assume because she knows how hurt I am.
Am I nuts for thinking I should just let this friendship end and move on with my life?