(Closed) Sad about changing last name :o(

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I say if it makes you so sad, why bother changing?  My experience thus far is people are going to call you by whatever name they want you to no matter what decision you make.  I also did the technically married with 95% not knowing at our wedding, and spent a lot of life really not liking my last name.  So now that it is changed, I really really really wish I hadn’t.  My co-workers only call me by my maiden name.  Everyone else calls me by his last name (you know, because we are married, obviously my last name is his last name).  It’s been 2 months and I have given up on trying to correct everyone.  So, yeah, I’d wait on it. 

Post # 18
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Not me…i can’t wait to change my last name…i HATE my last name.  Its so plain and common and my Fiance hubby has an unusal last name that only about 100 people or less in the US have.

Post # 19
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I cannot wait to take my FI’s last name. I have my Mom’s maiden name as I have a very, very broken family and for me it is so exciting to be engaged and to soon take a new family name to build a family of my own, not battered and broken like my family’s.

For you, some people have “nicknames” that people call them and aren’t affiliated with their legal names. Could you maiden name not take that role perhaps? If people are going to by default call you that anyways, on paper you would be your hubbie’s new last name, but everyone would still associate you with your current last name?

Post # 20
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@RingPup: That reminds me…I have my mother’s maiden name, too, so for three generations women have had this name. Yikes.

Post # 21
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My fiancé wants to take my last name, and wouldn’t have it any other way…. I wanted to change mine and used to think his sounded funny…then it grew on me. But now he is DEAD SET on having my name…. I guess to erase his past and make a new future. He is a “Jr.” and his father was…. lets just say very abusive….. Changing his name will no longer make him an image of someone else (in his eyes), and I’m sure more reason behind it… Well I’m fine with it… Except I was also thinking of changing to something COMPLETELY different instead… I always liked the name Valentine 🙂 

Post # 22
Member
3674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I was a little sad at first, but it didn’t last long. What upset me was that I no longer share the same name as my family. But then you realize, it’s just a name. I’m still a member of my family, now I’m just also a family with my husband. And hopefully we’ll start our own family.

Post # 23
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsJKH2be: Have people keep calling you by your maiden name, that way it could become a nickname rather than your “old last name.” Best of both worlds.

Post # 24
Member
4460 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can’t wait to change my last name! I know that’s not helpful, but I just can’t wait.

If you uncomfortable with it, you don’t have to change it. Loads of women keep their last names nowadays.

Post # 25
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I feel like people were a little too opinionated about what I did with my last name. I took 3 months to change it and was shocked at how many people constantly checked up on me to see if I had made any progress. And these were people who didn’t even know if I had decided to change it! Then when I finally did, I had several people outright say “That’s a terrible name!” Grown adults. Saying I now have a terrible name.

But for me, it was a totally drama free solid decision I never wavered on or felt strange about. There’s nothing wrong with women who keep their maiden name, hyphenate or change it personally and not at work, but I always knew I would just flat out change it everywhere, no hyphen. I have a new family now, it’s me and my husband, and I want to reflect that by us having the same last name. period.

Post # 26
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I feel the same way!  I agree with @pitbulLover regarding the sense of loss.  I just dont feel ready to give up my last name!  I have until May to get used to it, so hopefully I do!  I also feel like I wont be my dad’s little girl anymore and that breaks my heart!

Post # 27
Member
2896 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My Fiance and I had this talk as well. When I said that I’d like to keep my unique last name in my name once we’re married, he was a bit troubled. As we talked about it more though, I explained that me hyphenating or just going by 4 (First Middle In. Maiden NewLast) was what I’d mainly use in professional settings (since my maiden name is unique in my location and FI’s last name is very common). I am looking forward to being ‘Mrs. ND’ to our friends and family, but I am also glad to be able to maintain my last name that all of my colleagues already know me by. 

Post # 28
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I felt sad about it…actually I got a little teary when I got my new driver’s license and social security card. However, I had no middle name so I’m keeping my maiden name as my middle name so that helps a little. It’s still hard though and it’s also a little weird being in the transition phase where I’m two people at once!

Post # 29
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If it makes you sad, don’t do it! You could keep your name, or hyphenate!

Post # 30
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Is there a part of it that makes you happy?  All change can be traumatic, but if it really makes you sad, remember that it’s your choice.  I thought about changing my name for like 6 hours and then realized it made me alternatively want to vomit and punch my fiance for asking me to.  So I’m not changing it.  But there are lots of women who are excited to change their name but also sad and wistful about losing their old name.  The trick is figuring out which you are.

Post # 31
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know how you feel. I am not traditional, but I did want to change my last name, but I was still sad about it. I LOVED my maiden name. Now, after the fact, I love the name change, and if it’s any consolation, a lot of my friends/old coworkers still call me by my maiden name/old initials. 

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