(Closed) sad about FSIL…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2005

Did you guys get engaged around the same time? She could be feeling like the spotlight is being shared.

You’re trying to keep the relationship going, but she isn’t making it easy.Maybe do Maybe talk to her and say you’re hurt because she hasn’t gone to anything?

She kind of sounds dramatic. 

Post # 4
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

It’s a bit of a different situation– but this is something my sister is trying to deal with between her husband and my FI– she’s constantly trying to get the two of them together, and the fact of the matter is, they just don’t have anything in common, my Fiance and I don’t have anything against them, and I love my sister, but we are family not friends. And that’s just fine with us. 

She sounds like she’s making it a bit more difficult than it needs to be; but my guess is it’s probably something similar– she doesn’t have anything against you, she just isn’t interested in cultivating that friendship. 

Post # 5
Member
14424 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think there’s really anything to be too upset about. Her and her drama with Future Mother-In-Law is really their problem.  In terms of trying to be all sisterly with her?  Personally, I’d just say forget it.  You guys may be getting married to brothers, but that doesnt automatically mean you’re going to be best of friends no matter how nice it would be… some people just dont cilck and get along, why waste your time or stress about it.

Post # 6
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@pinkshoes:  +1.

I wouldn’t take her comments personally, and although it would be nice to get along with her, if she’s not interested, then leave it at that. You’ve done your part by inviting her to your events. If she declines, then don’t worry about it.

Post # 8
Member
14424 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@KYbride86:  It just makes me sad and makes family gatherings more stressful than they should be…

That’s the thing.. it doesnt have to be stressful.  Just dont worry about it.  She may not care about a friendship, but its not like you’re fueding enemies that want to rip each others throat out.  Just be friendly when you see her, and otherwise, just .. whatever.

Post # 9
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

@KYbride86:  Maybe she is upset that she isn’t married before you. Ignore her, she the  one with the problem.

Post # 10
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It seems to me that she just isn’t interested in becoming close friends with you. While it stings a little, you just have to take the hint. I have a SIL whom I don’t have a close relationship with. Now I only see her at family events, I don’t fb,text, or call her, in fact I’m sure she doesn’t even have my number. If I need to speak to my brother I call his cell phone.

Our relationship isn’t deep or close and I’m ok with that. We have no drama or bad feelings that way. My point is just because she is your Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t mean you guys need to be good friends.

Post # 11
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@pinkshoes:  +1.  It shouldn’t be stressful to be pleasant to someone when you are at a social gathering who isn’t your friend in day-to-day life.  I think you may be making too much out of what you think your relationship should be with this person.

Post # 13
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I almost wish my Future Sister-In-Law (FI’s brother’s wife) was like this to me. I’d take it over her fakeness. At least they live in another state so I don’t deal with her very often.

Post # 14
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KYbride86:  Same situation here, except my Future Sister-In-Law is already on the haterade against her Future Mother-In-Law (my mom).  My brother never really talks to his mom or myself much, nor cares to, but I have the same thing happening… she won’t text me back if I invite her somewhere, she doesn’t want to go to really anything my brother’s side of the family is at… in fact, we’re throwing her a shower and she hasn’t even RSVP’d herself and wants no one from her side to attend it.  We only heard via my brother she would be attending.

At this point for me.. it’s whatever.  You can’t force her to like you.  I tried to extend myself (my whole family has) and really it’s down to insecurity and being overly sensitive.  I know my Future Sister-In-Law is insecure to the max by a few things I’ve heard here and there, and yours sounds just as sensitive as mine since your Future Sister-In-Law is making a mountain out of molehill with your Future Mother-In-Law being ‘mean’.  Weird. 

Some people don’t click, and it’s really all it comes down to.  I sort of sit back now and stop trying to be her friend.  I’m pretty much the first one of my brother’s side of the family that has given up.  I see people around me extending themselves and all I can do is sit back with the popcorn because the drama that unfolds by forcing someone to do what they don’t want to is just an inevitable trainwreck anyways.  People have to come to the realization that they should just live and let live on their own, as I have.  I’m a lot happier now and I am sure you will be too. =)

Post # 16
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KYbride86:  Yep!  I think it has something to do with her general insecurity manifesting itself by being around her fiance’s family… you know, since they grew up with her fiance they have all these memories and things they know about him that she doesn’t… it kind of makes her extra insecure around his family, which extends to you – especially if you appear confident and secure yourself.

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