(Closed) Sad about my ring and not sure what to do

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 18
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

jessie111:  Why talk to his sister? It’s him you’re marrying. This ring situation sounds like a symptom of a bigger problem, potentially. Do you share his “you want it, so YOU pay for it” attitude? Are you guys planning to share finances after being married? Does he ever get you nice gifts, or go out of his way for you? I ask because refusing to hear your input on the ring, then getting you something that doesn’t resembled a traditional engagement ring at all, then refusing to pay for a wedding since HE doesn’t want one paints a picture of a rather selfish, douchey guy. Did you two talk about a wedding that you could both feel happy paying for, that makes both of you happy and comfortable?

Post # 19
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

jessie111:  I don’t understand the last part. Why should you have to lie? Sure, you shouldn’t bring it up every time because that would look strange but you shouldn’t have to lie about it. If he didn’t want to be embarrassed about not getting you a ring then he could have actually put in the effort to buy you one. He has the right not to get you one, of course, but then he has to put on his big boy pants and deal with what people think when they find out. 

Post # 20
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Are you going to enjoy a ring you bought for yourself.   I personally would be so disappointed over the situation and what was said that it would have taken the pleasure out of the experience for me.    It’s true. It’s not about the ring.   But it is about knowing the person you are marrying wants to make you the happiest girl in the world.   I get that it is crazy the enormous amount of money people spend on rings and weddings.  I also think that if all someone can afford is a $400 Ring, is fine.  But if they have the money for something more and know the other person would really like a diamond, then why not try to get them something that they will love and will also be in the budget.    On a side note, I think I accidentally sent you a request to follow when I was trying to just follow this one post.   I’m a newbie to the site.  

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  happygirl2016.
Post # 21
Member
1996 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

jessie111:  Not gonna lie, I think there may be bigger problems than just the ring here.  if he has this attitude before marriage how bad will it be for you after.  Does he buy expensive things for himself? watches, clothes, car , hobbies etc? I wouldn’t cover for him or your embarassment regarding the ring either!

Post # 23
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

I’m going to be honest your fiancé sounds very cold… Idk if it is just how you typed what he said and I’ve read other post and about people’s fiancés saying worst to them but didn’t get the cold feeling bit your post I get this feeling of coldness. I think the way he responded to you was very rude and it doesn’t really seem like he Cares about your feelings. it seems like he is only welling to give as much as he is comfortable and then you are on your own. I mean you literally  wrote a little bit about him and he sounds really rude. Make sure that this is 100% the man you want to marry. Maybe he is the warmest sweetest man in the world but I’m just going from what I read here.

EDIT:Read your replies and now I can say without a don’t this man sounds very cold and I think there are more problems here then the ring and the wedding. First it is always weird to me not sharing finances that just always puts me off. When you get married you become one with your partner and that means finances. the fact that you don’t want to talk to him about paying more for the wedding because you don’t want to start a fight is ridiculous, you can’t go through life walking on egg shells because your scared of a fight. My fiancé doesn’t want a huge wedding either but he is still helping me pay for it hell he is payi more than I am. When you love someone you should want to see them happy yeah he may not want a huge wedding but I do so he is happy if I’m happy. Sounds like your fiancé doesn’t care very much to make you happy he has to be comfortable and that is his number one priority. Think twice before marrying him. Divorcing a man like this will be HELL.

Post # 24
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 1995

I agree with a lot of people that this sounds very one sided. Are you going to go through your entire marriage with him putting priority only  on what matters to him and not on what matters to you? If you decide to have children will he treat them the same way? If everything and every decision is centered around his interests then that is not a mutually respectful relationship.

I totally get why you would feel hurt and sad because he did not show that he put effort into picking something that fit your personality and that you would like to wear. However I am more concerned that he does not seem to care that you feel hurt and sad

it seems to me it is somewhat disrespectful towards you also to say since he doesn’t care about his family coming he also doesn’t care about your family and therefore you should be responsible for paying for the wedding since they want to attend. There seem to me to be a lot of red flags here. You said he is a lawyer and therefore he works around people who make decent money. Does he not notice what the females in his office who are engaged or married are wearing on their fingers? You also said he works hard for his money and to get where he is but then again didn’t you? This level of apathy and disregard for what is important to you or what makes you feel respected and cared for is very disturbing. you should think long and hard about your relationship and try to notice if you have been making excuses for other behaviors/ circumstances that reflect the same type of self centered attitude on his part and then decide if this is something you can live with for the rest of your life.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  majorairhead.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  majorairhead.
Post # 25
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

He does not seem like he wants a life-partner. He wants a permanent roomie with benefits. I would give this one some serious thought.

Post # 28
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Don’t wonder why you’re upset about all this-it’s because you should be! I’m sorry but after reading everything you’re saying about him, wow just wow. He sounds extremely selfish financially and emotionally. 

Post # 29
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard

jessie111:  you’re not supposed to help pay for the ring. I don’t know who came up with that. I know some women do but, traditionally , only the man pays  for it.

Post # 30
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

He sounds selfish. 

I wouldn’t marry him.

BTDT!!!

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