(Closed) Sad about name?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yeah, when Ii got my drivers liscense changed it was tough. It’s because you’re losing part of your identity. You will get used to it.

Post # 4
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can’t really say I was sad about changing my name but it’s definitely strange at first. I’ve been married almost a year and still, if I see a piece of mail or something with my maiden name on it, I think to myself “That person doesn’t exist anymore,” and it’s kind of a bizarre feeling.

Post # 5
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

You know, I bet I’ll do something like that.  All I’ve wanted in my life is to get rid of my stoopid ass last name.  But every once in a while I get this feeling of “omg, I’m losing my name, my identity!!!” and I get a little panicky.  But I HATE my name!  Curse you, conflicting emotions!

Post # 6
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

As a Smith, I hear you with the common last name thing. I’m officially 39 days away from being Mrs. Spencer and it’s a weird thing to think about. I keep telling my friends, “who is that?”

Post # 7
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can totally relate.  I didn’t cry at the SSA but I was sad when I received my new card. It’s a hard transition.  I haven’t done anything since.  One step at a time.  I actually posted about it here.  If you do a search of posts, you will see you are not alone at all.  I just hope it gets better like everyone says it does.

Post # 8
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

I keep freaking out about the idea of changing my last name so I might hyphenate.  My SO actually really loves my last name too so he might hyphenate as well, haha.

Post # 9
Member
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I had a distressing moment at the SSA office, too.

I had struggled for months prior to my wedding with my decision as to how to change my name.  I knew I definitely would take my DH’s last name, but I really wanted to keep my entire name (i.e. make my maiden name a second middle name so that I would become, for example, Jane Ann Smith Doe.) 

Unfortunately, my state wouldn’t allow me to do that, so I had to choose between becoming Jane Ann Doe or Jane Smith Doe. I finally decided that, as much as I loved always using my given middle initial, I just could NOT EVER give up use of my maiden name, and that I would drop my given middle name and become Jane Smith Doe.

When I went to the SSA office to make the change, I put this information on my form.  When the woman helping me did not carefully read my paperwork and initially processed my name change in the currently most popular manner, she nonchalantly handed me the document showing the change.  Thank GOD I read it carefully! The name change was initially processed in the form of Jane Ann Doe!! There was no “Smith” to be found! My heart nearly stopped! I couldn’t believe the reaction I felt inside at the mere THOUGHT of not continuing to have my maiden name as part of my name for the rest of my life. I was instantly distressed, and as fast as I could form the words, rushed to explain that she had not read my form correctly and that she needed to change it the way I had written it on my paperwork. In that moment, I felt as if someone else had literally decided my identity for me, and I was thinking, “Nooooooooooo!!!! I don’t want to be Jane Ann Doe!!!”

Thankfully, she listened to me, looked again at my form, noted that she had made a mistake, and instantly corrected it.  I was SOOO relieved when I walked out of the SSA office carrying a new piece of paper showing that I was now (my version of) Jane Smith Doe!

So, yes, I understand how emotional making any type of change to your name can be.

Post # 10
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My last name is long, foreign, and literally NOBODY can pronounce it – not even me, apparently. Darling Husband actually corrected me after we got married when a nurse asked me to pronounce my last name lol.

To me, it doesn’t sound as funny or geeky as my maiden name, it’s just really unique. I like it, but I get tired of having to give everyone a grammer lesson on it – usually 2 or 3 times in a row. 

So not sad or emotional, but I sometimes I feel really irritated and put upon by my last name, and that’s when I miss my maiden name.

Post # 11
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My maiden name is pretty rare but my married name is rather common.  I never actually thought about being “one of the masses.”  But poor Darling Husband just got a new (more professional) email with his entire name in it and for some reason, he thought his name wasn’t THAT common.  In 3 weeks, he’s gotten 2 emails sent to his new email for guys with the same name signing up for a FB account and some online gaming thing….he’s beyond pissed he changed his email now.

Post # 12
Member
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I didn’t have a freak out at the SS office but it does feel weird that I will no longer have the same last name that I had for almost 23yrs of my life. I should be getting my new card in the mail soon so then hopefully I can change my name ASAP since I have to change it everywhere and I don’t want to prolong the process.

Post # 13
Member
2003 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I haven’t gone to get my name legally changed, but I admit up until like 2 days ago I didn’t think it would bother me at all.  My last name is super common, I’m one of hundreds with my first/last name combo in the USA, but with my new name I’ll be the very first one.  I didn’t get upset until my hubby said, jokingly, that I am no longer a Smith, I am now a Jones.  (not really our names).  I kept laughing and saying “Whatever I’ll always be a Smith! I AM a Smith! They are my family!” and he said “No! Jones!  You’re one of us now!”  

I just dont like the thought that i feel like I’m abandoning my own family for his, even if it is just in name. :-/

Post # 14
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I freaked out while reading the SSA site today! I’m not going to change my name until I get used to saying it, and I don’t think I’ll change it at work. I have a strong association with my last name and to my dad, so I’m going with First Maiden Newlast.

Post # 15
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m freaking out about this!! My name is pretty common too, but I’ve got very strong ties with my family and my heritage, so I’m devastated to be losing my last name. Not to mention fiance’s Italian, so everyone has trouble spelling/pronouncing his last name, even though it’s only 6 letters long.

Post # 16
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Just got back from the DMV and remembered this thread.  They shredded my old license (with old name) right in front of me and everything in my body was yelling “NOOOOOOOO!”

ETA: When they were calling Ms. NewLastName, it took a few seconds to register that it was me.  If they hadn’t used my first name I probably would have never reacted.

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