Post # 1
Hey Darling Bees!
I’ve been thinking about my new lastname after we get married this fall and it really is starting to make me sad…sounds weird I know. I’m not sad at WHAT my new lastname will be, I’m just sad that I won’t have my maiden name anymore. Some Background…
My parents split when I was 10, I’m 33 now. I was raised by my mom and her parents who I share a lastname with, actually it’s hyphenated with my dad and mother’s last name…which is annoying when signing it because it is very long, but I love it. To me my maiden name is part of who I am, it’s me. I am very close to my mom and her side of the family or was. My grandparents both passed away within the last 5 years and it means so much to me that we shared the same lastname even though it is hyphenated. It just makes me sad to think of not having that part of me anymore.
I will not be hyphenating with my maiden name and married name so that’s not an option; I will take my fiance’s lastname no matter what. I was just wondering if anyone else felt this way about changing their lastname too?
Also, this post is also just way for me to get this out and kind of vent or jsut get support? Not sure lol…
Post # 3
I know you feel and it’s hard! I loved my maiden name, it was a lot of fun and it meant a lot to me. My dad died when I was four so it meant a lot to have his name. I was pretty upset about it and thought it would be really hard to change my name when the time came. I’ve been married for almost seven months now and I can tell you that I haven’t been emotional about it at all. It really wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.
I loved my maiden name but I love having my husband’s name!
Post # 4
I know exactly how you feel, it makes me sad too. I love my dad so much and it just seems weird not having his last name anymore. I dont want to do the hyphenated thing, my name would be super long if i did that, but I have thought about keeping my maiden name as a second middle name maybe?
Post # 5
@maiathebee2013: since keeping your maiden name or hyphenating isn’t an option for you, have you given any thought to keeping your maiden name as a middle name? You could maintain the connection to your name and your maternal family while still taking your SO’s last name.
Post # 6
I won’t have that problem as I am keeping mine. Changing the last name is a tradition not a requirement!
Post # 7
@maiathebee2013: I feel like I’m in the same boat. I’ve decided to take my fiance’s last name, but I’m really going to miss my maiden name. I’ve had it for almost 34 years!
But I am thinking about using it as a first name if we have a son. My sister used it as a middle name for my nephew. Would that be a possibility? If you are planning to have kids one day, of course.
Post # 8
Thanks for all of your wonderful words ladies, it really is appreciated.
My last name is already hyphenated so i wouldn’t really want to keep it as a middlename or add another hyphen…it would be so long lol.
Its kind of a sadness in knowing that I won’t have that part of me anymore…just something that is going to happen more or less.
@trueblue…I appreciate your modern viewpoint 🙂
Post # 9
Agree with @letigre, can you keep it as part of your full legal name? I’m planning on changing mine to Firstname Maidenname Hislastname, which is also what my mom did when she married my dad. Fiance and I have also agreed to use our moms’ maiden names as middle names for hypothetical future children 😀
Post # 10
If you feel that strongly, why are you taking his last name?
My fiance told me he wants me to, but I am not sure I can. It makes me feel sick to think of not having my last name anymore! Part of the reason is that I’m a teacher, so I’m called by my last name about a million times a day.
Post # 11
@maiathebee2013: Ahh, sorry, hit send before seeing your previous post. Two middle names (lose the hyphen)?
Post # 12
I’m the last one in my family with my madien name and it was kinda upsetting to change it, however what other female family members have done is when they have children, give the children your madien name as a middle name. I have a pretty bland (i guess) last name so i was even thinking of making it my childs first name but i doubt my husband would agree!
Post # 13
@maiathebee2013: Nope, I wanted to have the same last name as my Fiance. I feel it makes us more of a family unit. I could care less about my maiden name and feel no attachment to it. New phase of life, new name. I’m cool with that.
Post # 14
I was super sad to be changing my last name. I LOVED my maiden name (loved my husband’s last name too and definitely was going to change mine) and completely identified with the side of the family whose last name I had grown up with…family members, heritage, etc.
I made my maiden name my middle name and expected to use it. I had my middle initial put on my credit cards and business cards. But now…9 months later after our wedding, I hardly use my maiden/middle name or miss it at all! Not what I was expecting. The first few months were a transition, but I really don’t miss it at all anymore. I’m glad it’s my middle name, but other than that, I’m totally ok with it.
My hope is that you have the same experience.
Post # 15
You could use your maiden name as second middle name, just use the name that means a lot to you and drop your dad’s surname and the hyphen.
So if you name is Amanda Gene Smith-Donaldson and FH’s last name is Fisher you could be
Amanda Gene Smith Fisher
That’s essentially what I just did yesterday at the social security office with my name 🙂 I totally understand how you feel, which is why I chose to do it that way.
Post # 16
You are not alone. I ADORE my last name. My brother had ALL girl’s, and my Dad doesn’t have a brother so our family name is going to end. I am SUPER sad about it. My Fiance even offered to give our children my last name as their middle name to make it a bit easier. I can’t wait to be married to my love, but it still makes me sad.