Post # 32
I just want to say that all the advice given is really great. I just wanted give my input, I think it’s wonderful that you want to work on your relationship! However, I wonder if you’re putting more effort in than he is. You say you’re on antidepressants and I assume then that you’re dealing with depression. Could it possibly be because of the stress that he’s unloaded onto you? I know you want an engagement, a promise of committment so that you have something reliable and safe, especially for your DD. However, I think that staying in a relationship just because your daughter has become attached is terrible and I’m sure you know that.
I, myself, put a lot of pressure on my now Fiance to be engaged. I was dealing with some insecurities and he didn’t cave to it. He told me he loved me and said he would propose when it was right, and he proposed when he felt right. It takes both people feeling right, handing over themselves to the other, to get engaged and ultimately get married.
I have dealt with some horrible things in the past from men. I think that the way he’s treating you emulates some of the things that have happened to me and really led to my own depression…You need to do what’s right for you, what’ll keep your daughter safe, and your mental health is important. I suggest therapy, if you aren’t already going.
Take care of yourself! Time isn’t an enemy!
Post # 33
I know I already posted, but I was just checking in & seeing your update. Focusing your life around someone else’s choices for the future are gonna leave you feeling like this, sad & uncertain. There’s never a guarantee in the future. Yes, there are hopes & dreams & things to look forward to, life is amazing! So, what do you need now to be happy?
If you’re wrapped up in just wanting to be engaged, you might miss out on things going on now. Just enjoy time spent with your BF, if he brings up rings, as hard as it may be don’t say anything about it. Just let it happen naturally, if he’s ready to marry you, he will propose. If he’s not, he’s not ready yet. Are you willing to wait for him to be ready? What if it takes him 7 months from now & every month he says “oh next month”? If he brings up another “proposal deadline” don’t buy into it. You may want to ask him not to give you a timeframe. Set a date (not telling him) that you need to be proposed to by, if he hasn’t asked by then, then leave & don’t look back. Or else he may lead you on for years & years… & that’s not healthy for you or your daughter.
Don’t talk about anything wedding or engagement related with him EVEN if he brings it up! He may feel you’re throwing expectations on him, even thou you’re not meaning to do so at all. I’m not sure if he’s leading you on, or if he’s trying to suprise you but feels pressured.
Will you be happy dating him for 4 more months, happy together just not engaged? Do you really need the commitment from him to be happy staying with him? If so, how long will you wait? A few months? Another year? Not answers you need to post, just think about em. I want you to be happy. Do what is best for you & your daughter. Maybe talk to a close friend who knows you better than we do. I really hope it works out for you, no matter what choice you make!