Post # 1
- Wedding: Victoria Wedding Chapel
My boyfriend and I went to look at rings on Saturday! I wasn’t all that excited about the actual act, because jewelry stores imtimidate me. That’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but I know nothing about jewelry and I always feel underdressed and judged when I go into a jewelry store. Anyway, I was excited about the step forward and to see the rings I’ve been drooling over online in person.
This trip was always for informational purposes only. I knew beforehand that he wasn’t going to up and buy something today, and I even told him I wouldn’t want to be there when he purchased the ring and don’t want to know when he does it. He just wanted to know what I like and a rough price range. We went to a few places and I found a ring I love love love!
All was going well, until the finance issue came up. I found out he really doesn’t have much saved, and so a proposal is probably farther out than I imagined. It made me pretty sad and I felt silly for looking at rings he can’t afford. Then I felt guilty for basically putting a huge financial burden on his shoulders.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? I’m glad we got to share the experience and I’m happy he now has a good idea of the types of rings I like for when the time does eventually come, but I was sad when I got home.
Post # 2
Well, you can always contribute some of your own money to the ring fund. If you will be marrying, then most or all of your finances will be combined anyway. No reason not to start before the engagement, especially if you will be choosing or helping to choose the ring.
Post # 3
What’s your budget? Moissaniteco do some amazingly diverse rings where you get a lot more bang for your buck. Are you deadset on a dimaond?
Post # 4
You aren’t “putting” anything on him. He is an adult and can make his own decisions for what he is willing and not willing to spend.
You should be completely transparent at this point on finances (not jointly sharing anything, but I have to assume you know his financial situation if you are going to be married?) and should have a blunt conversation on what you are BOTH comfortable spending on a ring. If you are combining finances, I honestly think the cost of the ring IS your business and you SHOULD have a say to a certain extent. My fiance and I talked about my ring preferences beforehand. I sent him designs that I enjoy, but told him the size of the stone doesn’t matter, and I would also enjoy a simple band. Once he got closer to making a purchase and we moved in together, we discussed how much money each of us has in the bank, his student loan debt balance, and our financial goals. I told him I would not be comfortable with a ring he couldn’t buy in cash and still make larger payments on his loans. After marriage we are combining finances, so although his income is high and we could probably have bought a much bigger ring, my financial goals (ours actually) are in a different spot. I believe in debt free before luxury purchases (unless he saved CASH!).
You don’t need a ring to be engaged or married. I know many people who are ringless by choice, and those who only wear bands. Also you can always “upgrade” to your dream ring when your finances are in a better place. So many people worry more about the ring than the marriage, so don’t be upset!
Also, if you have a dream ring that you want on your finger right now, why not offer to go in on the purchase? I get that it’s a gift from the man, but our income will be one anyways. If I really found a ring my Fiance couldn’t afford, I offered to go in. I had expensive tastes for a wedding band (so did he!) so I actually purchased both of our bands out of my pocket to even things up.
My Fiance had been saving a while to buy my ring, but I would have been just as happy with nothing. I actually originally had asked for a silver band to keep the pressure off as I know the student loan debt burden was big.
Does this help?
Post # 5
- Wedding: Victoria Wedding Chapel
I offered to help pay for the ring and he shot me down. He said he wanted to pay for it and that if he is going to propose, he wants to buy the ring.
We didn’t discuss a strict budget, but the ring I want is $3500. He mentioned that he thought it was going to be a lot more expensive, so he was pleasantly surprised by the fact that I didn’t want some $10,000 rock. I’ve always wanted a diamond, but if he’s going to wipe out his savings by buying me a diamond, then I suppose I could be open to other options. It is what I always pictured, though.
Post # 6
My Fiance was in a similar boat. He started a company in our first year together and then we moved in together and I quit working. So long story short – our finances didn’t have a lot of extra padding for stuff like engagement rings. We were out shopping one day, when we were out of town actually, and ended up at a jewelry store. I knew I’d have to wait a long time to get my ring but he surprised me a few weeks later. He obtained a small line of credit that didn’t quite work like typical ones do. And he paid a percentage of the remainder and they put the balance on the credit line also. I know, it makes little sense that the amount we had on credit exceeded the amount he was approved for. It was interest free and we paid it off in 3 months. So maybe you guys could do something like that. I know some stores also have “second chance” financing that is interest free and runs out over like 18-24 months. If he wants to pay it outright though then none of this even matters. 🙂 But you’ll get it eventually. And if you’re feeling guilty maybe you should talk to him. And tell him that you feel bad and hope he doesn’t feel pressured. Good luck to you guys!
Post # 7
Jewelry stores usually have a very high mark up. Have you looked online for something similar to what you saw in stores?
o you have a pic of what you fell in love with?
Post # 8
I would check out Costco.com and BlueNile.com jewelry stores often stock overpriced low quality rings.
Post # 9
- Wedding: Victoria Wedding Chapel
Thank you all for your helpful responses!
I’ve offered to help pay, but he doesn’t like the idea of that and refused. I also told him that he could take money out of our joint savings to help, but he said that was the same as me paying. I do know his financial situation. I know he makes decent money and has no debt, but I thought he had more personal savings right now. I don’t personally like the idea of “upgrading” after getting married. I’d honestly rather have a modest ring to keep than replace the ring he proposes with. I’ve talked to him about it and he said it was crazy for me to feel guilty and that he wants to get me whatever ring I choose, but I still feel a little bit guilty for wanting something on the expensive side. We have discussed this at length, but I can’t help feeling the way I do. I know we’ll figure something out and come to a conclusion that makes us both happy. Thank you for the great tips though, you were very helpful.
Thank you for sharing your story! We talked about how I felt and he basically told me I was crazy for feeling guilty about it. I can’t help it. Maybe because I’m typically not at all extravagant and I’m not used to it. Thanks again for reassuring me that it will come one day! 🙂
I don’t have a picture of the one I loved, but I have seen a couple online that I like that are somewhat similar and a little bit cheaper. I definitely showed him those and gave him a couple websites to look at. Thanks for the suggestions!
Post # 10
This is good. He may not be able to get it right now but when he can he will know what you like. Everything takes time and is sometimes worth the wait, right?
Post # 11
Try finding some wholesalers in your area. They may not have beautiful storefronts and advertise like a lot of the popular places in town. They might even just be in an office building. But you’ll save so much money and get just the same quality you would at a chain store, or specialty store.
Post # 12
yip. i hated ring shopping. he gave me a budget of $300. I wanted what I considered a ‘proper’ ring (even though I know all rings are proper), a ‘real’ (non-lab gemstone) and a durable metal (14/18k) plus a style I liked. I got one and it broke almost immediately (you just can’t get the best quality for that money). I hated basically having to go into shops and ask what the cheapest thing they had was. I still feel sad when I see my ring. He could totally have afforded more and i offered to contribute but he wouldn’t hear of it. he wouldn’t even go $50 over 🙁
found something from an independent jeweller eventually, better quality and price although still not what i really wanted.
Post # 13
I am glad that you are having open communication about this. Even though he does not want your help finincially, you are abe to discuss it and how you feel guilty of the price of the style of ring you want vs. his savings.
I agree with PP’s that a storefront is a great place to try stuff on and see what you like. You get a much better bang for your buck at online stores, and with the range you are looking at, possibly even a custom design. If you are not against a used ring, try places like diamond bistro, and wedding classifieds. Craigslist and pawn shops are also other options. Also consider buying a setting a loose stone from different places, saving on a “used” diamond could cover the setting cost and way more. Also keep in mind that not every stone for sale in a ring in stores and online is “brand new.” If a jeweler gets a ring and thinks they can sell the stone loose for a better price, they will remove it from the ring. <br />If you feel like you need to touch the ring first, go to an indepndent jeweler over a chain store. I even saw insane price differences while trying on wedding bands for style in one chain stoer vs. another. I also think you will honeslty find a much larger selection online.
Hope this helps!
Post # 14
I started a thread recently about how guilty I was feeling having my BF spend that kind of money on a ring. The bees reminded me that it was something that he wanted to do for me and I wasn’t forcing him to do anything.
One thing to keep in mind is that national jewelry stores have sales ALLLL the time. If you can find the ring you like at Zales, Kay, Helzberg, etc you are bound to hit upon a sale soon. Memorial day maybe?
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley
But try not to worry so much. I struggled with the same feelings when we first started ring shopping. Based on what you’ve said, it’s sounds like you’re looking at a ring that is less than he thought it would cost. And when a guy is ready, they tend to find ways to make the ring happen. And your guy seems motivated!