(Closed) Sad – and feeling kind of stupid about it

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think 86 is a great number! The nice thing about having fewer people is that you can spend more time with everyone. If all 130 came, there would definitely be benefits to that, but you would only get to spend a few minutes with each couple or friend! This will give you lots more time to enjoy the guests who can make it.

It’s okay to be sad about it, but try not to dwell on it (easier said than done) – the more you think about the downsides, the worse it will make you feel.

Post # 4
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Your feelings are completely normal! Even if you had invited mroe people, those you really cared about who aren’t able to come would still sting! Just remember that they didn’t RSVP no because they don’t care about you. 86 adults is a good count, and eveyone there will be full of love and support for you!

We invited 115 and had 86 rsvp, and 82 actually show up. My step mom’s sister and her family declined, and my aunt and uncle had a fight with my g-ma and they didn’t show. But it was the farthest thought from my mind on my wedding day!

It’s okay to be bummed, but don’t let it get you too down!

Post # 5
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You can visit with people more! I’d love to have 86 so things would be less chaotic (we’re at 96 with 14 missing RSVPs that are probably Yeses).

I feel like the more people you have the more people you have needing your attention. 86 is not that small of a number I’m sure there will be enough people to mingle.

Post # 6
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yup, I went thru this as well.

We sent invited 208, expected about 160.

The week before we had confirmed 125.

6 called in the last four days saying they couldn’t come.

10 never showed.

We ended up with 109.. FAR from the 160 I was expecting.

I was bummed because I would have planned a very different wedding if I thought we would have only had 109 people.  I was planning for a big wedding.

So i totally understand being bummed.  A lot of people here I think have gone thru that.  You will love it, and try your hardest not to let it bother you that day.  The people that truly love you will be there to support you!

Post # 7
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m sorry, it’s really hard to not take it personally. We invited about 100 people, and they were all really good family friends or just plain family, and we had 73 people attend (including us). My best friend from HS didn’t come, and my husband’s sister didn’t attend, either. For very selfish reasons, and it hurt.

But on the day of the actual wedding, we didn’t care. We were just so happy to see the people who DID care to come, and it was incredibly heartwarming. And, we saved a lot of money, too 🙂

Post # 8
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Like previously posters said, there are definite up-sides to having 86 people at your wedding. As you already said, you’ve only invited people who you are close to, so you will have a wonderful time mingling with guests and spending time with all of them. I love the close-knit feel of smaller weddings. When I have been to weddings where there are lots of guests I feel that I never get to spend time with the bride and groom. Make the most of it! Give each and every guest some of your time, an opportunity to take lots of pictures with you and catch up with people you haven’t seen for awhile. Your wedding will be wonderful, no matter what the size! 

Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We had the same situation.  And guess what?  Some people who RSVP’d ‘yes’ and even talked to us a few days before the wedding DIDN’T COmE!!  Don’t let it get you down because–when you are at the wedding and having the best day of your life–you are not even going to THINK about the people who aren’t there!!!  You will be too pre-occupied and too excited and too happy to even give a thought to them.  And one more thing: it doesn’t mean those people don’t love you.  Don’t feel bad about it.  Just enjoy what you have and don’t forget how lucky you truly you are to have people who love you!

Post # 10
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We had the same situation.  And guess what?  Some people who RSVP’d ‘yes’ and even talked to us a few days before the wedding DIDN’T COmE!!  Don’t let it get you down because–when you are at the wedding and having the best day of your life–you are not even going to THINK about the people who aren’t there!!!  You will be too pre-occupied and too excited and too happy to even give a thought to them.  And one more thing: it doesn’t mean those people don’t love you.  Don’t feel bad about it.  Just enjoy what you have and don’t forget how lucky you truly you are to have people who love you!

Post # 11
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hun, we’re in exactly the same boat! 🙂 I am getting married Labor day weekend as well and am sad about our final number too!

It’s weird because I have felt like our guest list has been out of control from the beggining and now that we have a good number coming, I am sad that it’s smaller than I thought it would be! We invited 187 people and 122 will be coming. Yeah, it kinda hurts, but a lot of our invited guests would have also had to travel great distances to come to the wedding.

There’s good and bad to it all. The 122 that are coming are all very special people to us, the bad is that some other important people will not be there. I am honored that I have several close family friends and family members who are travelling across the country for our wedding.

I have also experienced the selfish people. A close college friend of mine has told me for over a year that she is coming to my wedding. Well, she never got her RSVP back to us so I called her and left a voicemail. She then called back and left me a voicemail saying that since my wedding was labor day weekend flights from the west coast were going to be $500 per person. It was very upsetting to me that she had not made my wedding a priority and booked her tickets way ahead of time when they weren’t $500!

No advice, but just know that you are not alone! I am sure that we will both have beautiful weddings and be surrounded by people who mean the most to us!

Post # 12
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I get where you’re coming from. We invited about 250 people, thinking about 200 would show. We’re at 115 with only 50 people left to hear from. Great for the budget, but a little disappointing.

Post # 13
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just think of how much fun you will have not having to stress over the extra money and worrying about pleasing more guests.

We trimmed our guest list so many times over our 2 yr engagement and finally ended up at 267 (I am all Italian and my FI’s mom is 1 of 9). We ended up with 203 people. His sister’s family is not coming and most of his aunts and uncles are not attending. While I really felt that the 267 was too large, I think the fact of getting no’s especially from people that you or your Fiance are close to hurts no matter what the number.

Post # 14
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We invited 110 and only 65 are coming, and some of those Nos were people I really, really wanted there. It definitely stings. We are kind of doing a happy dance about the lowered cost, but at the same time, a little worried that the dance floor will be somewhat empty. There wasn’t a location that would have been easier (the guest list is alarmingly evenly disributed between San Diego, Boston, D.C., Dallas, and Toronto). So, it was inevitable that someone wouldn;t be able to fly so far. But I still wish that like 10 of those people could have made the trip….

Post # 15
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That’s exactly how I feel. We only invited people we really wanted to come and are close to. We were planning on 80-100 adults and are going for have around 65 plus a dozen kids. Some of my close friends aren’t coming and it’s really disappointing. I’m dealing and I keep focusing on how great it will be with those who are coming.

Post # 16
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

think about how much more time you can spend dancing and enjoying yourself since you don’t have to spend so much time doing the obligatory greet and meets!  chin up, girl!  just out of curiosity, did you send out save the dates? (this is more for my own personal knowledge)

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