Post # 1
Lately I have been finding myself on Weddingbee more often to find answers then asking my bridesmaids or family. I think it is because here, I can get an honest non-biased opinion… so thanks in advance for help deciding on this one.
My fiancé is the nephew of ten loving aunts and uncles. His family has welcomed me warmly with open arms and I can’t help but smile every time I am around them. Recently, one of his aunties became very ill. We thought she would be able to make it to the wedding but, we got a phone call the other night stating she had passed away. Heartbroken, my fiancé still wants to go through with the wedding events (i.e. bachelor party, bridal shower etc.) and the wedding is two and a half months away. This has been a huge loss for his family and they are all devastated. This leads me to the question…
My uncle is marring us, he recently got ordained just to be “official” which is so nice. He would be more than happy to do something special to recognize family members we recently lost… but is it appropriate?? I don’t want to make his uncle feel uncomfortable during the ceremony and mention the recent loss of his wife. I thought of placing pictures of my fiancés grandparents who are no longer with us and his auntie but I thought that was a little too much as well. Do any of you have ideas how I may fit something in to recognize her or explain how much we miss her and his grandparents??
Post # 3
I think pictures and anything during the ceremony is a little much. I would definety have moment for them in your reception. Whether it be a prayer or a moment during your toasts. That way the actual ceremony is about your new marriage. The reception is a celebration and what better way to celebrate than to honor those that could not join you. GOOD LUCK 🙂
Post # 4
Because it’s so recent I would talk to his uncle first, my guess is if he’s still feels strong enough emotionally marry you two he’d be more than happy and honored to have his wife incorporated into your special day. Just communicate about it and make sure he’s comfortable with whatever you do. It’s probably going to be a day filled with feelings for him too.
Post # 5
I don’t know if this is exactly what you would want since it is very subtle, but I have small pictures in lockets of the family/close friends that I have lost who mean a lot to me and can’t be there with us on our special day. I am putting the lockets around my bouquet so they are with me.
Post # 6
@sunshine – what a beautiful idea. I have been trying to think of a way to incorporate my dad’s parents & my mom’s father, all of whom passed away when I was in elementary school.
Post # 7
My grandmother who I was very close to passed away a few years ago. I’m sad she will not be at my wedding but, I plan on having a gardenia (her fav flower) sitting on the pew next to where my parents will be. It’s a way of honoring her memory and for me, feeling like she’s there watching and sharing in my day.
Post # 8
What about having a flower or vaser or bouquet in memory of her? Maybe put something in the program stating that it is in memory of Aunt _. That way you wouldn’t have to risk emotions during ceremony/reception but would be able to honor her memory.
Post # 9
I’ve asked people not to mention my father at all in the ceremony – mostly because even though he has been gone nearly 3 years, I can’t handle the emotions of the wedding + the raw emotions I still feel when I think that he is gone. I’m doing what others have suggested – locket on the bouquet, pictures, and rose on the chair. I want him to be remembered at the wedding, but it is too much for me to discuss the loss in the ceremony itself. If your uncle/and or other family members happen to feel the same way, there are many other ways to pay tribute to her. If your uncle feels comfortable talking about her directly, he may have some ideas of his own that you could discuss.
Post # 10
if you think it might be too hard on the uncle to talk openly about his wife’s passing, you could put a lovely line or poem into the program about her. i’m sorry for your loss.
Post # 11
my Fiance lost his dad a couple years ago what we are doing is having my Fiance place a picture of himself and his dad on the seat in the front row, and when i reach the end of the aisle im taking a rose from my bouquet and placing it on the seat with his picture. and although im doing a bouquet toss with a smaller bouquet my real bouquet will be a gift to his grave after the wedding, its the first place we are going after the wedding so we can have a celebratory drink with him… ugh im tearing up, he was my favourite on FIs side… i miss him
Post # 12
I’ve seen a rose placed on an empty seat in the front row of guests to honor the passing of a loved one. My sister and her fiance honored the memory of their dads by lighting unity candles in the gazebo, where there were photos of their dads.
Or you could print a line at the bottom of your program about honoring the memory of your aunt. That way everyone knows, but it doesn’t have to dampen the festivities of the ceremony by being mentioned out loud.
Post # 13
I am also putting lockets on my bouquet of loved ones that have passed. Then i have a sentence at the bottom of my program stating that I am carrying lockets of those loved ones that have passed and that could not be here with us today. I think something like this would be nice, but placing pictures out might be too soon
Post # 14
We’re not doing anything during the wedding for my grandmothers, but I will be putting up a picture each of them and a short thingy I wrote for one of their funerals at the reception. That way everyone can remember them, but it’s not blatant, in your face kind of stuff.
Post # 15
My fiance’s uncle just passed away, less than three months before our wedding. We are going to have our officiant say something about remembering those who can’t be here to celebrate with us (my grandpa, his uncle), but perhaps you could put this in your wedding program?
We are also going to take a shot of Drambuie at the reception because that was his uncle’s favorite!
Post # 16
Its nice to put a note in the program…
“Holding close in our hearts today, and everyday”
— names —
I think the bouquet on an empty chair is SO sad!! Having lost my dad, aunt, and 3 grandparents, I think a subtle tribute is the best way to not overshadow YOUR happy occasion.
You can do a photo frame and candle on a table at the reception? Perhaps a pictue of you, Fiance and the aunt, or FI’s favorite pictures with her?