(Closed) Sad: Getting Over a Botched Proposal

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Sea Cider

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princessmaker:  you hate the ring, but how do you feel about HIM? you talk about the amount of time spent with him, but not how he makes you feel. do you love him? are you IN love with him? when you ask if people “make it” after a botched proposal, it sounds like this proposal might have been a deal breaker for you.

FWIW, my first fiance proposed after 8 years, and I bought my ring (a simple eternity band). my now Fiance proposed after 14 months, with a ring we designed together on our 1 year anniversary. 

Post # 17
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

YES, I have totally been there. I don’t envy the way you feel. It killed me, kept me up at night for years, and I felt like such a jerk for not being happy with the proposal/engagement (I didn’t have the sense you had to refuse the proposal). 

5 years after the wedding it hit me. I ended the relationship and my now-ex was completely blindsided.

I met my now-husband just 9 months later, and he proposed in the most… well, let’s just say “casual way”, but, like 

View original reply
BrynRyley said, it could have been a rubber band and I would have been just as ecstatic.

I’m sorry, but if your situation is anything like mine, the proposal isn’t what’s wrong. You might just be with the wrong guy.

Post # 18
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I was in my pj’s in my parents driveway when DH proposed, and he just put a little hemp ring on my finger. It was perfect because I was agreeing to be his wife, and I couldn’t have been happier.

It’s time to let it go.

Post # 19
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Is that even for real? You said ‘no’ to your man just to get a new proposal and nicey pictures to post to Facebook?

I think you are not ready for marriage. 

 

Post # 21
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

To be fair, I think her issue was more about what seemed like a lack of thought and effort. And if her immediate interpretation at the time was that it was to placate her, I think there is a lot underlying that we aren’t getting in a single post. Which goes back to my previous question, what is different now? Why stay together with a man who, after 5-6 years, barely seemed to care? It’s not so much a small ring or a proposal that wasn’t fancy as that it seemed like after a long time he still didn’t understand her needs. That’s fair, but like, move on then. Waiting years to rehash it when it is clearly still bothering her is not really a good way to start a marriage IF he bothers to propose again.

 

Edit because OP posted at the same time and now I’m really curious about what more there is to the “placate me” aka shut up ring idea. Two other rejected proposals? Um, wut.

Post # 23
Member
11360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

you have Pinterestitis. 

I can understand not liking the ring but to reject the proposal? Not all men get jewelry, esp based on what you have. That’s like expecting all women to know what kind of power tool Fiance needs without asking him. Sure, some of us us them, but a lot do not and we would be lost. 

 

Post # 24
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

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princessmaker:  Have you considered that he might be just as disappointed with your shitty reaction as you are with his less-than-dream proposal? With that attitude your entire marriage is going to be a let down.

Post # 25
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Such drama. 

Post # 26
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

Post # 27
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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princessmaker:  ok I feel like lots of people could be disappointed in their ring or the way he proposed, but sobbing with saddness on the steps of a church seems very… Extreme. Obviously there is much more to the story (right?!). 

fwiw, just because someone loves you does not mean he will pick up on the little things like “oh she only wears white gold jewelry” or “of course the love of my life is not a solitaire kind of girl!” – my man sure as hell wouldn’t. He’d be like “uh, well I think I’ve seen her wear a ring once, or was it an earring? Maybe it was blue? Or clear? Maybe she put it on her wrist? does that seem right?” 🙂 I love him to death but details aren’t his specialty 😉

Post # 28
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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princessmaker:  i dont think the ring or how he proposed is the issue.

My husband proposed while we were laying in bed in the dark and then he knocked down his bedside lamp and his phone looking for the opening of his night table drawer to find the ring box. Not everyone gets a fairytale proposal but if the relationship is ENOUGH then you dont need the grand gesture or perfect ring to be happy.

I think the reason why you were so devastated is because that moment forced you to see everything that was wrong and it completely made you see your relationship in a different light. You pushed and prodded for a ring and you got one and it made you feel worse. I highly doubt that another proposal or ring is going to bring back the faith you once had in that relationship. You have to get back to a place where he could do anything and you will be insanely happy as long as youre with him.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by MissJulianna.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by MissJulianna.
Post # 29
Member
2957 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I bet he is terrified to ask you again.

Post # 30
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think PP are reacting so negatively to your story because it seems like you care a lot much more about having a Facebook/Instagram-able proposal than you do about the man you love (including his feelings that you seem to have stomped on a bit). I’m a big believer in what Harry said to Sally….when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start ASAP. On a plane, on a train, with the ring hidden in green eggs and ham, it shouldn’t matter when you love someone so damn much. I can maybe understand feeling slight disappointment after the fact about the ring (like an “aw shucks” kind of thing that you discuss at a later time if it still bothers you), but it’s been YEARS. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.

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