(Closed) SAD! He's decided I'm not worthy of being his wife?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Hi and welcome to the Bee!

I think what he said was quite insensitive and I completely understand you feeling sad and upset about this. However, I don’t think he is telling you that you are not worthy of being his wife. It may be more like whats the difference if we live together… does it have to be legal? Or something like that. I don’t know what he was thinking with that remark but I would not take it as far as saying you are not worthy of being his wife. Perhaps you should explain what marriage means to you and hopefully this will help him realize it is about more than just the title/legality of it for you. 


Post # 4
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Blush.Champagne:  aww *Hugs* im so sorry he said that to you.

sometimes men are not that sensitive like us women are. and i think your right not to bring it up for now. i do hope he changes his mind.

Post # 6
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@wahine777:  have you both been married before? i find that older men dont want to be bothered with the “dramas” of a wedding and a certine time of there lives.

but us women we live for this stuff.

Post # 8
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@wahine777:  Have you communicated this to your SO? You’ve stated so cogently why getting married is important you. If you’ve communicated that to him and he still doesn’t think it’s important, then I don’t know what to say.

Post # 9
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would be more direct with your questions about marriage and stop beating around the bush.  That’ll give you the clear answer you’re looking for!

Post # 10
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

 I agree with PP. Also, make sure he knows he hurt your feelings. He may not realize it. 

Post # 11
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I agree- stop beating around the bush. Tell him you want to get married and ask him if he is on the same page. Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Life is short- none of us is promised tomorrow and you don’t want anyone to leave this world with regrets.

Post # 12
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

You should talk to him about it. He needs to know what you want. Maybe he thinks marriage is just about children, but that doesn’t mean he won’t reconsider once he knows how important it is to you. 

Post # 13
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’d tell him exactly what you’ve just written, that you feel marriage is about family and that you want to be part of that.

I’d also consider asking him what has changed his opinion so drastically since the last time you spoke about it. I don’t think he meant what he said as you not being worthy, maybe he just spat it out without taking into account the way it would make you feel. Have a talk about it, that’s the only way you know for sure but i’ll bet even if he has changed his mind that it’s not because he doesn’t want to marry you, if anything it sounds more like his opinion of marriage itself has changed.

Keep your chin up and have a talk with him about it =)

Post # 14
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree w/ PP.  Talk to him.  This is about communication and being on the same page.  Not about pressuring him.  Good luck!

Post # 15
349 posts
Helper bee

I am only a few years younger than you and completely understand how you’re feeling.  Please remember that you are entitled to your feelings and desire for marriage. It’s hard two untangle two lives, especially after house is bought, etc. but if you know in your heart that only marriage will make you happy in the long run and he is not willing to consider it at some point, you need to get on with your life.  It sounds like you have (had???) something really special and I know how rare that is at this stage of life.  Only you can decide if you’re getting what you need from this relationship, but it’s okay to say “No, I’m really not.”  Hugs from Texas and best wishes for your future happiness!

Post # 16
46404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


“Well, marriage is just about having kids, right?”

And that statement was so at odds with his previous one that I was shocked into silence. I’m still reeling, several days later .

Although that statement may have taken you by surprise, did you just walk away and end the conversation there?  You may have left him thinking that his position isn’t a problem for you.

I really think you need to have another heart to heart so that he knows your true feelings about marriage. Sometimes when men hear women tallking about marriage, they think we are talking about “wedding”, especially if they have been married before.

Tell him what you told us.

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