(Closed) Sad :( just venting a little before I explode

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Has he given you a timeline or what conditions he needs (like buying a house) for when he is going to be ready?

Do you have an internal timeline of when you will walk if he doesnt propose?

Post # 5
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you would stay with him even if he told you that he doesnt ever want to get married, then you need to tell him to stop talking about marriage and babies. Tell him it is too stressful and puts you in a bad place of being hopeful and disappointed. 

Post # 6
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It must have been hurtful when you saw this as a special day and nothing special happened.

1.  I would bet that most men do not regard the anniversary of dating the same way as women.

     I suggest you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

2. If something is really important to you, you need to tell him. ” Honey, Tursday is the 8th anniversary of our relationship. I would like to do something special. Let’s plan something.”

Getting angry because he didn’t plan anything special, then going silent and saying ” It’s nothing” didn’t accomplish anything. Realtionships need communication.

3. I suggest you sit down as a couple and have a heart to heart talk about the timeline for your relationship. Instead of hinting, be open about your desire to get engaged and married and ask him what he wants from the relationship and how he sees yours progressing.

 

Post # 7
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

@lsimpson:  Why would he marry you? Youre already behaving as his wife. What exactly would change if he proposed?

Just playing devils advocate here! I of course hope you get your proposal!

Post # 8
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@lsimpson:  sounds like you say a lot of veiled things, but what about really broaching a conversation? “love, we have been together for 8 years. one of my life goals is to get married. do you feel the same way? do you think i am your person? can we talk about a timeline?”

after this amount of time i can’t believe you are being passive aggressive about it. COME OUT AND SAY IT SISTER!

Post # 9
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have a friend in the exact same situation. They have been together for over 6 years. he will do the same thing. Tell her he loves her and wants to marry her, but its not the right time, They have lived together for 3 years. They will have conversations about marriage, kids, all the time, but never nothing. Her parents even told him they had her grandmothers ring sized for him, when he wanted to ask. All he had to do, was ask her dad for it. But, he just said he wants to get more “established”. Ok, he is 32 years old and has a good job. Not the one he wants but a good paying one.

She finally gave him a time limit. She told him she loves him, wants to be with him forever. She gave him to their 7 year anniversary to ask her, and if he doesnt, then she is leaving. His response to her was like, you know I want to marry you and be with you. Then ASK! It’s no different. So, we will see if he does.

So, I completely understand how you feel. The only advice I can give, is how long are you going to wait?? You have given him 8 years?? That;s how she finally thought of it. Do you want to be in the same situation 3 years from now? If the answer is no, then you have to do something about it. Easier said than done, I know. But maybe tell him what she did. Give him a timeline and if he doesnt, maybe you leaving will make him realize you arent worth losing. Idk , if this helps or not. But I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 11
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I’m in no way experienced in these things, but have you had a direct conversation with him about what your hopes are and what you want and how waiting like this is hurtful to you?

 

He probably hasn’t really realised or thought about it so a little push may be helpful.

 

Anyway I wish you all the best <3

Post # 12
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@julies1949:  +1.

Communication is Key! Guys need it spelled out for them.

Post # 13
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tangentialbee:  +1.  This sounds like a case of “why buy the cow…”

 

Post # 15
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

@lsimpson:  In my experience men are more likely to maintain the status quo if they like it and think you are ok with it too. You need to stop saying “nothing is wrong” or holding it in. Tell him how you feel. You owe him the respect of being honest. Also Since you guys are mid-twenties he probably feels that it can wait longer.

Post # 16
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You don’t get married because you “deserve” it or because you’ve done something for someone and they’re repaying you. You get married because both people want to marry each other and jointly make that decision.

You also really sound like you need to work on your communication. Shutting down and not telling him things isn’t helpful.

The topic ‘Sad :( just venting a little before I explode’ is closed to new replies.

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