- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
Yesterday I wrote a post being really sad about the situation I’m in, like I live with my boyfriend for 2 years and have been together for 8 years and still no ring. And I was really hurt because he talks about it, and children and our lifes together but doesn’t do anything about it despite my best efforts of being excited with the idea.
So many bee told me that i should communicate with him because, well…. men are dumb and need some extra spelling out to get the picture. So I did.
We where driving to my home town, a 2 hour trip, and I tought maybe was the right time, since none of us could really escape it. So I politly asked, after he says he wants two children in a nearby future (I don’t understand why he keep saying this things!), “Honey…. when are you planning to propose to me?” And maaan… there was like we hit the antartica. He was freezed. And then he says: “You’re talking about those things a lot lately, (Yeah… like he was not!), what going on?”
And then I explained to him that I wanted to change, since we were together for a long time ago, and living together and me behaving like his wife, and told him that when we moved in together I was hoping to get a proposal if things went well, and 2 years after, nothing.
He was choked. Aparently that idea never crossed his mind at all!
Then he says: “I really want to marry you, but I have other things first. I hate my job, I’m trying to get another, possibly in another country, but I can’t, and I can’t deal with this 2 huge things together. And you… you didn’t finish your degree yet (is due to june this year), I don’t know why you are thinking of this things, I mean I’am 24!” I frase that he says he is 24 years old (I’am too, but he put so much effort an saying he is 24).
When he says this things I was really hurt… I mean is a damn logical explanation, I know he wants to change jobs, and wants me to finish my degree, but who know how much time would be, since he always ALWAYS needs a push to make important decisions.
So then I say: “Well… I know that and I agree but a planning a wedding takes a lot of time, at least a year or so, so I’m not planning to get married tomorrow, I just need some comittment”
And then he repeats himself for the rest of the trip, he even stopped the car to explain to me that he wants to change jobs first, and get married in 2 year maybe or when we are more settled. And the he brings up his engaged friend: “You see X is 28!”
That just pissed me off. (sorry the language). I asked him: “Well since you’re comparing, how long have they been together?” They are together for 2 years of so, and living together for less then 6 months.
I mean, I get that he thinks his too young, but we don’t know anyone that has been together for this long (especially in our age), and I can forget that I waited 1 year for him to come back from netherlands where he was finishing his master. All of his friends (that go with him) had girfriends too! And they came back home single!
So I think this really speaks on how commited I’am. I love him, and I know he loves me too, we have a great relationship together…
But noooo… he see this conversation has an ultimato (men!) and asks if I’m breaking up with him he things don’t move along soon. Of course I told him, no, I don’t leave him, I want him in my life and I will wait for him to come forward, but I think he understood everything wrong. Like I was saying “Or marriage or I’am walking away”. When I was really asking about his timeline.
So I said what was in my mind. He said what was in his. I was hoping to get engaged somewhere along this year, silly me, he didn’t even tought of this… he thinks he’s too young, and despite his knowlegde (his words) that “i’m the one”, he still doesn’t want to propose just yet.
We ended the conversation, and I went to my parents house. (silly thing… despite living together, when we come to town, since we are both from the same city, I stay at my parents house, and him in his, at the weekends, I don’t know why… seams logical to him, I guess).
Sorry for the long post, I just thought maybe the lovelly ladies that helped me yesterday would like to know the next chapter.