Post # 1
I’m very close to my mother and I live in a different state so I do not see her very often. I really value our time together, especially when we get to celebrate all our traditions we have during Christmas. I’m here spending my holidays with my family, but I feel alone. My Fiance chose to spend it with his mother and step-dad and I had to choose between spending the holidays with my Fiance and his family or traveling alone to visit my mom. I feel like he chose his mother over me and I’m really hurt. Does anyone else have to deal with these types of decisions during the holidays or do separate holidays than their SO? I didn’t think it would hurt this much.
Post # 3
Sounds like you had the option of going with him, but chose your family over his.
Post # 4
I did. I did because we visit with his mom and step-dad twice a month. They live nearby. I see my mother only during the holidays.
Post # 5
This is something you should talk about before you get married. I would not accuse him of ‘picking” his mom over you because that is a battle you will not win. He may not be ready to spend christmas without his family. Next year maybe you host Christmas? Personally my Fiance and I spend thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. We were forced to talk about holidays and family traditions in our pre marriage class. I would recommend a pre marriage class/counseling to everyone the make you talk about a bunch of stuff you would never think of.
Post # 6
I know the feeling. I’m with my parents and he’s with his mom too. I broke off the engagement because of issues I had with his mom and we’re about to start couple’s therapy. Obviously I wasn’t keen on spending the holidays with her. Especially since my parents and I celebrate Christmas and she doesn’t. She’s jewish. I don’t know how we’re going to do holidays in the future if we stay together.
Post # 7
Everyone wants to spend the holidays with their family. It’s hard for you to be apart from your mom, just as it’s hard for him to be apart from his. That said, you definitely need to come to some sort of compromise for the future: this will continue to come up, and you need to work out a way to make everyone happy. I do understand, though. Last year, my Fiance and his family went to Disney World for Christmas/New Years while I stayed in our apartment by myself (I had to work, he was still in school so had all the time off for winter break). It hurt at the time, and we had a HUGE discussion about it, but now I’m glad he got the chance to go because he needed the time with his family. So be sure you talk about these things so it doesn’t build up as resentment.
Post # 8
We take it in turns. This year we’re with my family, Next year we’re with his but we always spend the week before or after Christmas with whatever family we don’t spend Christmas with that year.
Post # 9
Same issue here. I spent Thanksgiving with his family (not even a month after my dad passed away) and he went to his family’s place for Christmas. I miss him like crazy right now. He should be back tomorrow, but hell… He hasn’t even texted me except for this morning telling me Merry Christmas. Ugh.