- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
My sister and I have always been close in the sense that we spend time together, have fun, have great inside jokes and we love our parents. We have fought a lot at times, but it’s been many years since I’ve bothered engaging her in raging fights. Just not worth it.
We are not close in the sense that I know what goes on in her head, her hopes and dreams, etc. She is not forthcoming with me about that and never has been. If I talk to her about something personal in my life, she shuts the conversation down. She just does not seem interested in anything but an emotionally distant relationship. Okay, makes me sad, but nothing I can do about that.
Periodically, she goes through waves of being intolerable to slightly less intolerable to pretty nice. However, the intolerable aspects have been pretty constant for the last 4 years or so. She puts up a wall of superiority and appears to have an overblown ego. She’s arrogant, talks over others, constantly makes riduclous, transparent comments to make herself look good and nasty comments to others to cut them down. I’m her favorite target, of course. She loves to make passing nasty comments to cut me down. She’ll do it while laughing around others, too.
The other issue is that she drinks, sometimes a lot, and the alcohol makes it soooo much worse. The resulting hangover the next day is equally bad. Also, she smokes and is obnoxious about it. STILL, even after our mother has had multiple bouts of cancer. I’m pretty sure she smokes other things besides cigarettes, too.
Yesterday I went out with her and two of her girlfriends to a pole dancing fitness class. Wasn’t my idea, but I was game, I like her friends and I hadn’t seen my sister in a while. She organized it.
She was horrible the entire time. She was nasty to her friends, bitchy about everything, kept propping herself up as better than everyone else and the word that kept going through my head was SNOB. She’s a snob! With very little to be snobby about! It doesn’t seem like she has much going for her at all.
The thing about her is that, despite having been an excellent student and excelling through college with honors, she hasn’t made much of herself. She graduated in 2001 with a degree in biology and has never bothered to pursue that career path. She says she loves science so much and loves to prop herself up as a science expert (eyes rolling here), yet she’s never pursued any type of activity to pursue that career path or even as a hobby! This is something that seriously puzzles me!
She’s worked a series of low paying, dead end jobs in the mortgage industry and other places. For two years she was unemployed and my father paid all her bills. She lives in a shady neighborhood in the city in a run down apartment and does not drive. She really doesn’t not have much to show for herself.
She doesn’t seem to have much luck dating, either. She hasn’t had a serious boyfriend since college, maybe 13 years ago. She’s 33, almost 34. When she has had boyfriends, she fights with them constantly and it never lasts. Our family has speculated that she may be gay and has not come to terms with it.
The driving is another issue altogether. She expects others who drive to pick her up and drop her off all the time. When I lived in the city, I was basically stuck doing it when we’d go to my parents’ house in the suburbs, even though I lived pretty far away from her. If I didn’t, my parents would make a 45 minute trip each way to pick her up and drop her off. There’s a train she can take, but it doesn’t occur to her that she’s putting people out. Ever. Or she just doesn’t care.
So my realization yesterday is that I really don’t like my sister. I love her because she’s my sister and she’s family, but I cannot stand the person she has become. She’s toxic and that makes me very sad to say that. I have to limit my exposure to her and if things keep going this way, I’ll definitely have to limit exposure to her for my future children. Makes me so, so sad.
Has anyone had similar experiences with siblings?