(Closed) Sad, sad, sad… Need help

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Have you guys talked about a timeframe that you would be getting married? Or is he not able to go to school in the city that you are at now? I think you need to talk to hime about how he’s seeing the next couple of years lining up, and the both of you talk about what is realistic for the two of you.

Post # 5
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think you really need to sit down and discuss your future. Force him to talk to you and allow yourself to be honest with him about how you feel. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you staying behind while he goes back to school. My Fiance and I are doing it right now. I have been living 5 hours away from him for the last year and a half. It’s been hard, but I wanted to get my masters degree so bad and he supported me ๐Ÿ™‚ I think if you can agree on a plan then maybe you will be more excited about the future. NO matter what though, you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel! He may not realize some of the things you said in your post! 

Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 6
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Think long and hard my friend. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment – is this the kind of life you want? Yes, you and FH must talk and if he is unwilling to do so, that should tell you something.

Post # 7
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh man that’s rough.

First of all, it is not wrong for you to stay at your dream job.  He should not make you move. It is a choice that you both need to make together and you can’t be forced to move there just because that’s where he wants to go; does that seem fair?  Especially since you have a guaranteed job where you are.  How exactly are you going to pay for his education without a guaranteed job?

Secondly, why does he expect you to pay for his education?  That is his investment to make.  It would be one thing if you were married and your finances were combined, but that’s not the case.

Being engaged can be stressful and I think it’s normal for the relationship to shift a little bit and for the harder times to seem more intense.  You’re in a new phase and you’re probably sharing more.  He probably feels more comfortable being short with you.  That doesn’t mean it’s right or that you should have to live like this.

I think you need to talk to him about your concerns.  You are absolutely not wrong to not want to leave your dream job.

Post # 8
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time and that you’re this sad ๐Ÿ™ It’s never good to hear. Does your Fiance know you feel this way? I feel like the most important thing is communication and it doesn’t look like yall are having any kind of communication, especially with him being extra short with  you..that’s not cool. I hope you can find the answers youre looking for and things get better with your Fiance. If you decide to leave because you are not happy, then I hope you will become happier. 

Post # 10
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know you love him and I’m sure there are many good things about him that you love, but this is one thing that can’t be acceptable in a relationship.  Compromise is an essential part of a partnership, otherwise you’re not really partners.  

You are entirely right.  This is not how you want to spend the rest of your life.  I think that for once, you need to be “My way or the highway” and tell him that if he doesn’t learn to compromise, he can go ahead and hit the road.

If you have let him have his way for your entire relationship, it makes sense that he’s not used to compromise, but you need to put your foot down on this.  I know that might not be in your nature, but he’s obviously a strong personality and if you don’t stand up for yourself no one else will.

You don’t have to break up with him, but if he refuses to let you matter in your relationship, I would recommend it.  Otherwise he’s not looking for a wife, he’s looking for a doormat.

Post # 11
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Compromise is really, really important in a marriage, and it sounds like he has a lot to learn about that. Compromise does not mean “I’ll listen to your opinion so you can feel like you’ve had your say, but then we’ll still do things how I want.” And if he’s been acting like this ever since you got engaged, then you’re right to question whether you want to marry him, because if this how he’s going to be as a husband, I can almost guarantee that the marriage will not last.

Of the two of you, you’re the one who’s in a stable place in your life right now, so the fact that he’s dismissing your wishes and expecting YOU to finance HIS education…and by quitting a job you love and having to find work in another city?!?…is ridiculous to me.

I can’t tell you to leave him – that’s a decision you need to make for yourself – but I do think that if he can’t get over his own selfishness, that shows a major lack of respect for you. Are you willing to be with someone that doesn’t even have their life priorities straight, but still thinks their muddled opinion and whims are more important than your levelheaded and sensible plans?

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide, and I hope that if there is any shred of the person you fell in love with still left in him, he smartens up and starts treating you as an equal…but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Post # 12
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who wants you to do it his way only? Imagine when life gets really tough with a mortgage, kids and aging parents. Imagine how sad you will be when you wake up 5, 10, 20 years from now and realize you’ve had to completely bend your desires to his.

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